SHE - Episode 4

Dear Passenger Vandhana,

I am a captain when I write the lead post. Then a steward when I answer your questions.

I am happy you want more of the story. In fact even I had that curiousity. And just like that I have written 9 episodes now, though most of themare in the form of first drafts.

I have already replied to Kamla regarding the Counsellor. Thanks for your nice words about Lychee Kulfi and Turkish Coffee, though I had little role in making them. ha ha ha.
Thanks Vandhana for the participation.
regards,
Steward Varalotti

Dear Sridhar,

Thank God no more emotional tearjerkers in this episode and more on Shallini's efforts on saving her marriage. Well she is damn fast on that front, that seeked a counsellor, bold indeed and already attempting on saving her life and marriage!
At this point do not want to predict Shalini's character or for that matter Shiva not being able to judge his own friend, the captain and his traits and whether they will suit Shalini or not! Finally this is life.....and lets see how Shalini comes out successfully out of it! But Rishi is disappointing.....:icon_frown:

Dear Sudha,
This story is like life which is very much like a chess-board, white and black squares alternating each other.
Whatever be the colour of the square the struggle to play the game, the struggle to say afloat will be the same.
Rishi is modelled on the lines of a modern professional. Unlike the villains of yesteryears, he does not drink, smoke, gamble, beat his wife or cheat on her. But still the havoc caused by him is no less.
I have written up to 9 chapters and I am myself surprised at the turns the story takes. Let's just wait and see.
Thanks for those comments,
regards,
sridhar

Dear Sridhar,

My views on your reply to Kamla: the worst possible thing one can do to save a marriage is to bring a child into it. I am talking from personal experience and have seen just how the child can be used as a pawn in a chess game between the parents. Its just too traumatising for the child in question. yes, when they are young, they don't understand whats happening, but as they grow and mature, there is a lot of mental trauma for them. Yes the marriage will be held together, but it is still disfunctional, there is no love in it, it will be " living together for the sake of the child"( but ofcourse, there is no concern for the child as such and all the quarrels etc.. will take a toll on the child). In these cases where the two married spouses cannot get along, or the fire has died between them for what ever reason, the best case scenario would be to break away rather than to bring a child in to patch up. Yes in the olden days when women were more house bound, and more passive, it might have worked. But nowadays, it just does not hold true. So i think your counsellor ( although she has small role to play seems to be of the old school rather than keeping with the times!). And i am guessing that Shalini will disregard the counsellor's advice( based on what i have read so far) and i say good for her .

Vandhana

Dear Sridhar,

This episode is moving in the right speed Sridhar. I could see the characters coming to life in this episode. Shalini truly seems to be working towards saving her marriage,otherwise she would not have seeked a counsellor's help. But don't you think that if Rishi had accompained her it would help?After all it should be in the best interest of both the spouses.
Love,

Dear Vandhana,

A very good analysis and a must-read for all women (and men too) who are about to raise a family.

I am a person who wont even defend my heroine. So I wont defend the counsellor too who is perhaps a small character.

But I want to place these points for your perusal. Shalini had nevertheless told about her marriage to the counsellor. But she could not have told everything. I am sure the Counsellor's understanding will be far less than that of the readers of the story. For as readers we would have seen how Shalini's mind worked, how small incidents like Rishi wasting water or waking her up earlier than usual worked against the marriage. Shalini might not have told all; the counsellor might not have understood all.

From her perspective she thought that both the man and the woman are inherently good. Only the commitment is not there. She might have thought that they are not working hard to keep the marriage on. A child might be an incentive in this direction. So the Counsellor might have suggested that.

Shalini is not likely to heed to that advice. She has friend Sumathi's life before her. The person who killed the woman in her to let the mother live. Given Shalini's character she wont do that.

In this connection I would suggest to you and all the readers, the book, "Man, Woman and The Child" by Eric Segal. A very powerful novel on marriage and divorce. He has beautifully described the plight of the child in an unhappy marriage. You can divorce your spouse but not your child. This sentence haunted me for a long time.

Thanks Vandhana for the good discussion.

Regards,
sridhar

Dear Anjana,

If both the husband and wife decide to go to a counsellor together, that itself is a good sign. When both are aware of the state of their marriage, all hopes are not lost.

But unfortunately in this case Rishi is not aware of the problem. LIke millions of men he has taken his wife and his marriage for granted. Who knows, he might pay a damn heavy price for this, in the later episodes.

And many women suffer from husbands like Rishi. With someone positively bad, like a drunkard etc. todays women will take a clear decision and move away. But with a dysfunctional marriage with no specific bad points against the man, many women are confused and in their confusion decide to stay on. And that is really pathetic.

Whether my heroine will also succumb to such a temptation?
Let's wait and see.
Thanks for the participation, Anjana.
regards,
sridhar

Dear Sridhar,

Ok I accept your explanation about the counsellor. Yes I have read Man Woman and Child. Not once but multiple times. And i am always in tears by the time i finish it. It is a wonderful book and a must read for everyone.

Vandhana

Dear varalotti,
I agree with vandana and kamala tjhat aarriage on rock cannot be saved by babies. thats is a cruel thing to do.Babies do have a right to be brought up inan atmosphere of happiness. The best sentence is - you should not go out of a relationship but grow out of it. Yes, varalotti, going out or breaking a reltionship is a cowardly act. Shal is thinking of the problem, She should be thinking of a solution.I believe that thinking of problem aggravates it but thinking of a solution soothens it.
Regards,
Meenu

Dear Meenu,

As I have already answered, to the counsellor (poor her!) the marriage did not appear to be on the rocks. She feels that the parties thereto are not making enough commitment as they are preoccupied with themselves, a little too much.

So to break this preoccupation she suggests raising a family. Probably she does not know much about marriage.

The sentence regarding going out and growing out of a relationship is the effect of my practical experience.

I have a number of clients. Some of them are bad; a few of them are intolerably so. So some 15 years back, I decided to get rid of one of my most bothersome clients, thinking that I will be happier after that. You know what happened? As soon as this blacksheep went out another good client started becoming progressively bad, in fact far worse than the client I drove away.
Then I realised that I can never go out of them but only grow out. This redefined my policy and I started paying more attention to the bad clients. Some became good; and some slowly went out of my fold without affecting the other clients.

And then I coined this aphorism. This is now vindicated by surveys across the US, where they have found that women divorcing alchoholic husbands tend to fall for similar men. Men who divorce nagging wives tend to marry even more nagging ones. (I put these words into Shiva's mouth)

regards,
Varalotti