Do they deserve this???

lalithasathish · Jun 17, 2011

Dear Friends,
This topic really impressed me to share few things which we witnessed when we were at office. I am new to writing posts and am not an avid writer. Please excuse me for the same but I really wish to share this with all of you .

I recently resigned from my job but whatever the good deeds that were done during my tenure at office remains in my memory. The company where I was working for has a ladies team which is very much into social activities .Every month we used to collect some amount and gift them either in cash or in some other means to the deserved people. Sometimes it’s for an orphanage, sometimes for education of children of single parents and street children; sometimes it is for desperate women etc

In the mid of last December they organized one such event. It was a visit to an "old age home". As I was on leave on that day I really missed out a chance to be there but would definitely go at the earliest ,but few of my colleagues and friends who had been there shared their experiences which thoroughly they felt was an enriching one. A lesson to learn for a life time!!!

The people in old age homes were very happy to see some new young faces visiting them. Our team conducted number of activities for them which included musical programs which they thoroughly enjoyed. Some old people were seen chit chatting with our ladies. Most of them were abandoned by their children. One lady there was seen crying saying that her son never visited her after he dropped her off here. She was wondering what her granddaughter would be doing. Many had more or less similar complaints. They really seem to be enjoying the company of each other there but within themselves from what could be felt were they were yearning to see their children and grand children. They really wanted to stay and breathe their last in their presence. All our friends could say finally was our team would definitely create an awareness on the same. It was a real pity to see them in that state. Finally our team gifted them some clothes which we purchased out of our monthly collections and they were more than happy to receive it with tears in their eyes..

This really makes me wonder why do people abandon their parents??

Is it just because they have stopped earning??

Is it just because they cannot do anything on their own and need to depend on them for something or the other since they are not physically that active as they used to be few years back??

Is it just because they say what is right and what is wrong and children ask them to mind their own business??

Is it just because they do not want to give away their self esteem and pride which they have earned over the years??

Do children think old parents are a burden on them??If that is the case then why don’t these kind of people who abandon their parents think?

their own children as burden, after all their kids also depend on them for all the things ,do not earn money instead lots are spent on them starting from donation to join a nursery school , they also argue for right and wrong ,children now-a-days are also not ready to budge..

This they do because they want to lead a secure life thinking that once the kid grows up, he/she will earn the money they spent on them. But why don’t they ever think that what they did for their parents can also repeat to them???Where is the guarantee that they will be taken care well by their children?
Kids learn from what they see and observe in day-to-day life. If they see that their grandparents are abandoned by their parents then once these kids grow up , they also start feeling the same should also hold good for their parents too …

It is said that a person’s life is generally divided into five phases – infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood and old age. As a person passes through each stage, he faces new problems and most of the people on an average pass though all these phases of life. There’s a very good proverb in English which goes “As you sow, so shall you reap”

This said I would like to conclude my post by saying that come what may, it’s the younger people who need to adjust and be flexible. Elders on the other hand may not be always correct. If they are wrong we need to make them realize that in a proper channel and through proper communication .The main thing which lags in most of the place is communication .The communication gap can create wonders in “breaking” the family. There may be arguments may be because of generation gap and that happens in almost every other house but that argument should not go to an extent where the right to live and lead a life in a respectful way is lost!!!
Finally my deep apologies if I have hurt any of your sentiments!!!

Regards,
Lalitha

livelife123 · Jun 17, 2011

Hi Lalitha,

Very nice post. As I am growing old ( though I am in my early thirties ) it make me think more about old age people & our parents & in-laws.
U are right we humans are selfish people on this planet, we take care of our kids as if its a Fixed deposit which we will en-cash when we will be old.

sreemanavaneeth · Jun 17, 2011

Hai IL,

A very nice write up. All the children should take care of their parents in a well manner only. The parents should not be left out when they became
old in old age home, by not providing them their basic amenities etc.,
They are the back bone and the strong foundation of their children's
good life. How the children can forget their parents and keep them away from their eyes???. If we can talk about this we can talk more and debate
on this.

NithinSrinivas · Jun 17, 2011

Hi Lalitha,

That was a very thoughtful note... Its true that the children after abandoning their old parents do not realise the truth that such a thing would have the highest possibility to happen in their own lives...:rant

Recently, there was a cookery show on the TV wherein the host had checked into an old-age home and had prepared the lunch for its inmates...The very sight of seeing the old grannies having the food with so much lost love in their eyes was heart-breaking...I was into tears by the end of the show...

And btw, you dont seem to be like a fresher to writing posts...I had a good flair...do give it a shot once in a while..

kaluputti · Jun 18, 2011

I belong to the sandwich generation, wherein we have to take care of the g.children as well as our very old parents or/and parents-in- law.We cannot always blame the youngsters for these old age homes.

Mrs.Savithri Vaithi who runs the 'Vishranthi' clearly states that it is not easy to manage or take care of old persons, since they are not flexible enough to adjust or adapt themselves to changing situations, having developed their own way of life.Only in extreme situations the children themselves admit their parents in the homes.In few cases the elders themselves voluntarily join these homes so that they can be amidst their own kind, and enjoy the freedom of community living, be it paid or free.

I am almost 60 and am taking care of both my mother and MIL who are 83 and 86 years old.It is stressful to deal with elders who are hard of hearing, fragile, suffering from Irritable bowel syndrom and what not.....every day, which requires lot of patience, mental and physical stamina.

Youngsters have to manage the children as well, apart from the problems of career etc.Where everyone is able to contribute to each other and support morally and physically according to each one's capacity, there can be a joint household.In these days of stress and strain, generation gap etc., Can we take it that the advent of 'old age homes' helps to provide some relief?

I am certainly not in favor of children dumping the elders so as to avoid responsibility, but welcome the idea of making suitable arrangements to take care of them in a responsible manner.

lalithasathish · Jun 20, 2011

Hi livelife123,
Thanks a lot for your reply..i was out of IL during weekends, so could'nt reply you immediately ...yes that's what makes me to think..really worried as i am getting aged too..but if we give our children a good back ground , we are sure to lead a good life..it all depends on how we raise up our children and how we treat our adults..Is'nt it??

Regards,
Lalli

lalithasathish · Jun 20, 2011

Hi Sreemanavaneeth,
Thanks for reading my post and thanks for the reply ..yup we really have lot many things to do..we humans should stop behaving like animals and be a real HUMAN..its a lengthy debate as you said..

Regards,
Lalli

lalithasathish · Jun 20, 2011

Hi NithinSrinivas,
Thanks you liked my post..really have a way long to go compared to my other IL friends who are really superb in expressing their thoughts ..yes it again depends on the way we treat our elders and childen right..let us teach our children good values..really moved by your cookery show post..similar thing happened when my colleagues visited the old age home and when thy shared their experiences in front of us they were already in tears ...

Regards,
Lalli

lalithasathish · Jun 21, 2011

Dear IL'ites,
Thanks a lot for the feedback given, this encourages me to write more. Thanks all once again !!

regards,
Lalli

lalithasathish · Jun 21, 2011

Hi kaluputti,
Thank you for your feedback. I am not against those elders who volunteer themselves to join old age homes. Maybe they are more interested in spending time with people of their age group and lead a peaceful life. But in my opinion no one should be compelled to join old age homes against their wishes. This is not the treatment they deserve after all the hard work they have put in through their entire life. Remember how much they would have struggled to reach this position and how much experiences they would have encountered throughout their life!!!

My granny is no more , she passed away when I was 8 years old. Bu I still remember her last days. She also had no control of bowel, had pressure, diabetes, thyroid etc. My paati(granny) was not able to move without any support. But my mom really took care of her very well. My mom used to freshen up my granny every morning, clean the bed and prepare whatever she asks for with much patience apart from bearing myself and my brother who were very mischievous as kids J.She had to handle us, handle dad, handle my paati and also since there were more relatives pouring in at that time(ours being a large family) , had to handle them also.. Though I was small, that really had a positive impact on me which I try to carry forward even now. Whatever we visualize as kids has a great great impact on our own life in the future..

That said, coming to your point of taking care of your mother and MIL, I am really glad to hear that even at this age you manage to take care of your mom and MIL and then you have your own family too…These things really needs to be appreciated. But on the other hand, just because they are not physically fit and just because we are working hard both on professional and personal front does’nt mean that they have to be left out. If they really wish to be moved to a safer place and if they really feel that old age homes can provide them the basic amenities they require then that’s fine, else these things really needs to be discussed..
With right determination and positive approach in each step ,there is nothing that can be left unachievable!!!
Regards,
Lalli