Teenager Vs. Parent!!

Lately, my mind has been occupied mostly by thoughts or confusions or doubts about something that seems, I’ve lived for ages!! the most complexed, most confusing, at the same time the most delightful/ cherished, phase of one’s life………. ADOLESCENCE!!!!!!!!

2 issues here…..actually……. its more of a question!!
1- Is adolescence the best or the worst…….. simplest or the toughest??!!

2- Which is more difficult?? Being a teenager or parenting a teenager??

The first question….. I believe it doesn’t have a specific answer. In fact, correction again…..am not seeking for answers though, so its not question, but ‘wonder’!!
It is the most unpredictable period of one’s journey. Teenagers, the word itself brings to mind self-centered, rebellious brat!! Though each individual is unique, has different experience from another, the travel during this phase has many aspects that are universal!! Be it <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1lace w:st="on"><st1:country-region w:st="on">India</st1:country-region></st1lace> or the west or the middle east!!

The first thing the teens have to cope with, will be the hormonal changes…..if few of the teens welcome these changes, I feel most of them struggle to cope/ accept it easily. The emotional stress is no less to mention. The realization of forming an identity for one self…… are they enthusiastic about it or do they fear it?? I WONDER……….
It seems like they yearn for independence, and they certainly do become independent in many dimensions, but then don’t they love to depend on their parents for the many challenging decisions they have to make?? How thin or thick is the line to cross, from dependence to becoming independent?? I WONDER………
The stress of opting colleges/courses starts from the ninth grade, by the time they reach twelth, they must have thought of at least 20 options as to what/which?? Why is the sytem made such, where the most important decision in one’s life, that is to steer oneself to the right carrier choice, has to be made at an age full of chaos, confusion and uncertainity?? I WONDER!!

Now, let me come down to my experience at home and around. I have a daughter who’ll turn 18 next month. Since her pre-teen days I was quite looking forward to her teen-age, cause our relationship , the way it was going, looked like we could become best of pals!!! And so, I got a chance to grow up with her. And it has been too…..but may be not all the time. Her behaviour is so unpredictable!!! There were times we talked so much, me too shared lot of things with her, went for walks together, watched movies, only me and her. I felt lot of people envied us. Even to date, there are days people ask “you both friends or sisters?”
One day its like that, and the next day I get the dip of my life, when she seems so distant!!! Once, as answer to my comment, she said “who else am I building my future for?? I’ll not marry, my family will be you, and then may be a dog. I’ll take care of you!!” her words soared up my chest and dampened my eyes!!! and then comes a day when she says “Am grown up now, its not your business to interfere in my affairs”!! guys!! Was that real or this real?? !! I WONDER!!
One day the cholle I made was the yummiest for her, but the next time , she skips meal, cause she dint like the same-recipe-cholle!! The wardrobe is full with black or grey (vintage wear mostly), and one fine day she wants to change to all colorful stuff!!! She always said, nobody could make her do things she doesn’t want to, and one day she is “trying” to eat a dish just cause her friends found it yummy and she dint understand why!! I believed my daughter marks her own identity.Changes occur everywhere and in everyone….but so fast?? You call these changes or influence?? I WONDER!!

Though my daughter inherited genes mostly from her dad( totlly at opposite poles with me!!) , I believed my upbringing will show colors. When I see that she loves to serve and be of help to the less priviledged, or peps up her friends with faith-in-God talks or loves to give/share her stuff, my heart knows no bounds to joy!! Indeed, my efforts dint go waste!! But then another day, when she gets so insensitive to others , shows her “I-take-care-of-me-first” attitude (like my DH!!), I feel…..there goes all my effort in vain…. Blood/genes is stronger or your upbringing ?? Which is the real her??? I WONDER!!
We all know of the four seasons, the seasons that come and go once a year. I have changing/rotating seasons at HOME!! :spinThe only thing is it is ‘weekly’, to which my daughter lives with ease, but I’m left struggling to accept/ adapt to the changes!!

Coming to the second point, anyone has anything to share on that?? I feel parenting is surely the more difficult task. Not that I overlook the fact that this period is very challenging for the kids. But the difference , I feel is they are not aware, and as parents, who have passed that age and seen more of the world, we are more aware. And we are mostly responsible for what we make of our kids. I often find parents recalling and relating their stories from their times, but it will be mostly the good part; like for eg, “ you know, I used to do this for my mom…..or we never spoke this way to our elders…etc etc..” though we very well know, times and circumstances and demands have changed over those years. How many of us are there,(in our times) who haven’t bunked class for a movie, or lied at home about meeting our friends, or tried a smoke behind the school/ college compouonds ?? But when it comes to our kids, its all about the RIGHT AND WRONGS!!
Something to share…… once my cousin tried to advice me on the freedom I gave my daughter, on outings, I said I dint want her to lie to me and do stuff, and I trust my upbringing, and I asked her “ how many times have you lied to your parents and sneeked out??” she started giggling, and admitted, quite a few times!! ( cause I knew, her parents were strict with her) . Why does this happen?? We tend to forget our times, how it felt those days, when it is our kid’s turn, we so stick to the "right and wrongs!!" I believe it is necessary to guide them, to show them right from wrong, but give them a chance to make their choice(wherever possible, with no serious risks). They may make mistakes, but ……they’ll learn best from their mistakes!! Strong and the right support is what they need from their parents! And I bet, they may seem to have “I_know-everything, I-can-take-care-of-myself” attitude, but they relish the support and understanding that we, parents can show!!

Looking around, I find families who are struggling/ dealing with far more complex teenage problems, and that’s when I feel myself lucky to have what I have!!:thumbsupTo cut short, although there are tough times,my hubby and me feel lucky, to have two wonderful kids, who I trust will never let us to shame!! The rest, I guess is a passing phase!!

It’ll be wonderful/helpful, if people who sail in the same boat can share their views!!
Happy parenting!!:cheers
cheers

 

It was only after I posted, I realized, it was quite long!!! (though it is only a small part of the topic, for me). hope all read till through the end!! sorry if I've bored you!!!!
cheers

 

Hi anees

Thanx for reading / responding

Yes, its true, most of us understand our parents when we reach that stage. Sadly......by then, we have lost the time which probably, we could have made better!!
But thats life!!

cheers