Chores and Children .

Grace - great thread! I just wanted to say that I dont support giving money for chores. If you are going to give children an allowance/pocket money I think it should be independant of chores. A gift (esp a book or much-wanted toy) might be better if you have to give something. No experience in this yet - will watch this thread though to see what everyoone has to say....

Vanathi.

 

A nice topic to discuss, Grace. Receiving money to help with chores... now that's something new to me and i am not at all for it. Is it possible to explain your daughter that she's only helping her mom (and there by learning how to take care of her home)and not doing any 'work for money' at her own home I mean this is something that does not need any 'allowances'... like when they are toddlers we don't treat for some basic stuff like cleaning teeth etc., I do look forward to hear more on this...

Latha

 

Grace,

I saw your question here yesterday. there was a thread on making your children do house chore before..was waiting to locate it..

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/schoolgoers-and-teens/9666-do-you-involve-your-kids.html

Regarding rewarding, I am against it, whether it is for good behaviour, good marks, doing something, the reason is I don't want them to relate rewards to that.

I very clearly tell them if you are good, it is for your own good and not me..since your daughter is 7 i don't think you need to give money for chores..

but i have seen this followed in western countries...

My children have been helping me from they were 7. now without their help i could not have come out of my surgery so well...
My DS even today sometimes says why should i do this...i ask him very coolly what if mom cooks only for herself...I try to make them understand family is all about being a team and team work is important...


I give them treats when they least expect one from me....

 

Shanthi,

I cannot agree better on the rewarding factor. I have experienced this twice and with a kid as young as 2.5. First when I wanted him to switch off the TV (it got too much one particular day when we were restricting the viewing time) and second to clean up his toys. For one week following the 'rewards' he just refused to oblige unless bribed. These days, as you say, we tell him clearly why he needs to clean up or switch off or flush the toilet etc., Kids do sense if we are not clear with certain rules!

Latha

 

Excellent topic Grace..
Many years back when my son was in elementary school this used to be a big topic with me.
Every single person I knew then used to pay for chores and here that is how children collect money through chores and allowance.
Being brought up the difficult way we were the only parents who insisted our child do what is expected of him till today.

 

Dear Grace,

I am not for rewarding for doing the chores or anything for that matter...........my husband always tells me to do the work with the kid so that they learns it to do.................
as other friends have said family is a team work..........
for doing their household work why should we pay them..............i tell them 0% EXPECTATIONS 100% HAPPINESS.............

 

I loved these lines Shanthi. Enjoyed everyone's input here...

V.

 

Thanks latha. I learnt it by the trial and error method. we used to treat charu whenever she used to get very good remarks..then she used to come home and ask for a treat the day she got her report card..( she was in 1st) that's when i stopped...realising the mistake...

Vanathi, when everybody in the family feels we are a team, and work towards the benefit of the whole team, it brings in harmony..that is what i am trying to achieve at home...

Grace, thanks dear. yes the surprise element always works wonders for both..when you get something your DD wanted, but has not expressed, the surprise and the happiness is to be treasured. and when they ask you "Mom, how did you know" .and with a hug..that is priceless..

Never, give money for doing the chores. this is what i do. I give them 10rs apart from the emergency fund they keep for school. I tell them if they don't spend it..i will take give another 10..but the previous ten has to go into his money box..(recently my DS and I had a deal he said giving you 10's is not so attractive, i will give you 40 and you put your extra contrib of 10 make it 50 and put it in our moneybox:rotfl..apart from the 10rs for the next week) so that way, they know the value of saving it also. if you give her a dollar a week as money to her savings box, she may not link chores and money. the reason could be the others spending the money from the earnings...

Most of the time, the kids start grumbling, only if they see their mom's hide grumbling about the work. that is why i say about team work...

maybe involving the kid along..like when you are folding the clothes, and she gets to fold all the small ones, and both of you are talking, (you could ask her about her school, her friend) and say let us finish this work and go and have a cup of hot chocolate..that works better, instead of controlling them.

Last but not least, we are making them independent in all aspects. my dd can manage a breakfast for the whole family now..agreed there are disadvantages that we have to clean the kitchen after her, but that is a small price in the long run. Not only DD, DS can manage one for himself, but cleaning after him is a horror.....