What do your tween kids do post school

My son would love to lie on the sofa and watch TV/play with his phone. He as certain tasks to complete when he comes home in the afternoon (I am working). He has take a snack, feed the cat and do the homework. After that he is allowed to watch TV. Unfortunately he has no friends closeby. Sometimes we do something together (go for bicycling, swimming). During weekends he has to clean his room and help me loading dishwasher/fetching laundry but he is very lazy doing that stuff . The schooldays are quite long so do not want any scheduled activities for weekdays.

 

Hi OP,

1)Is there lot of salty or sugary or deep fried or empty calories food in her diet? Like chips, chitos, pizza, ice creams, cookies, candies, french fries, fried chicken ?

and not much veggies , fruits and whole grains and nuts?

2) May be she is just into too much TV and doesn't want to move around? does she come under overweight zone?

3) I didn't get why she is talking to her self? Is it common in this age?

4) Are u in US/Canada? I heard my friend telling todays generation (specially her nieces and nephews in schools & colleges ) has no goals or enthusiasm in life, just they are satisfied with what they have. (May be they are bored with life)

 

your daughter is doing things like writing stories, drawing but not coming out to play or talk much with you.

does she has friends at school or near home? Try to arrange play dates by calling her friends on weekend, let them spend time by playing or you take all of them to zoo or to ground.

is she not excited when your family goes for outings/picnic or vacation?

ask her only what she wants to do other than watching TV? if watch TV also u both watch (some crafts and some useful program) and discuss on it.

her dad also can play with her, go to park, ride bicycle on weekends.

 

My son woke up so couldn't write fully before.

Is she interested in pets, try getting one and see. As she is interested in writing stories and good in imagination encourage her and send them to some forum or some other place where she gets recognized.

As she reserved, you need to try otherwise she may become an introvert.

Just I posted my ideas, I don't have tween children.


I see some of Indian kids here in US, whatever parents talk or tell to do, kids tone of response is "whatever!"

 

Your daughter seems like a wonderful 3rd grader who needs encouragement. I am impressed to know that she is good at academics, getting good grades, she enjoys reading 1-2 hours (do you really think that's not enough?), she writes stories, and is learning music.

Your concern is that she doesn't study for longer hours, she doesn't talk to you enough, spends time with the family, and plays with friends, right? If I am missing something, please correct me. It would have been better if I had more specific information about your interaction with her and her reserved behavior and the other issues you mentioned. I understand you don't want to discuss those again. I totally respect your decision.
I will try to give suggestions based on the information I have. Please be patient in trying these out. They will show results, with time and patience.

- When you offer her to talk to you, it may be difficult for her to understand what it means. Take initiative to start telling her about your day, any crazy or funny thing you did, or share some memories from your childhood. Sometimes talk about an experience and leave it open-ended and invite her to give her opinion/thoughts. And my dear friend, that would be the beginning of a conversation. From your notes, I can tell that you are good at starting a conversation.

- She enjoys writing stories. Be a part of her passion. Read her stories with her and share your thoughts and opinions (without being judgmental), ask her questions about how she came up with those ideas, all in encouraging words and tone.
- Talk to her if she would like to publish her stories, maybe in the school magazine, class magazine, online, or wherever you guys find it right. End the conversation with one statement, "I can't wait to read your next story". Watch the impact!
Spend one-on-one time with her without your younger one around. That would be her "special time" with you. Please leave the younger one with Dad.
- Talking to herself. Is she trying to think aloud about her stories? Is she venting out what she doesn't/ can't share with you or anybody else? Or is it a habit?
When you are at a comfortable level talking to her by following the first two steps, this would be an easier topic to address. If she is thinking aloud her stories, offer her to write her thoughts down so she doesn't forget. If she has been venting, she may have found a solution by having meaningful conversations with you.
- Before you head out for biking or an activity, tell her you will be out for 30 minutes and she should carry her water or snack with her. If she needs anything you will not leave early so she should be prepared to spend the allotted time outside. And follow through unless it's an emergency, and you are the best judge.
- Encourage her to spend time with her friends, call them over, set some play-dates. Limit the time and tell her in advance.

There are a few more steps about her TV time, homework and studies which I would love to share. It's always better to take baby steps. First try these out with patience, commitment, and in high spirits. Share the results with us.

Good Luck!