Dealing with rejection

Hi Vidyarp,

Why don't you go personally to the school and speak to the music teacher. May be you speaking with the teacher may solve the problem as it will help you to find out the actual reason behind rejection and also will help you to guide your son if he is really missing something in his selection process.

 

dear vidya my heart goes out for your son. facing partiality is very difficult at this tender age. I think you should talk to the music teacher yourself rather than asking your son to do it. you can have frank talk with the teacher and know whats wrong actually. If there is really something wrong your son can correct it with your guidance. if the teacher is really being partial, at least when you talk he/she will realize you caught the reason and next time she/he may be fair while selecting.
all the best to him

 

Dear Vidya,

It is pretty plain and simple. The school teacher wants your son to come to her for private music lesson instead of going to the professional musician near your house. The rejection of your son every year is a subtle communication to the parents. What teacher is doing is totally unfair and you have to stand up for your son by visiting the school and report about the teacher in so many words.

What she is doing is discriminating your son because he is not coming to her for tuition. It is not a music festival where the best talents is rewarded. It is a school function where any student should be able to participate. If he is not that good, he would not get a prize. It is not a big deal. But at least a child that is interested in playing in the presence of his peers should be encouraged.

My best wishes.

Viswa

 

vidyarp,

this is a common thing in schools. favoritism, politics, and unexplained exclusions..(don't use the word rejected in your son's presence..) since this has been happening frequently, let us leave it for the time being. you can still go and find out what is really happening. there can be situations like your child may have a stage fear..(just trying to think loud) to give the teacher a benefit of doubt. maybe you need to find out the reason, during a ptm. just ask without hinting at anythings "i just wanted to know, he has been learning the instruments, and his master says he is doing a good job, but he has not been selected inspite of auditions for school programs. i just want to know if he is making some mistake, so that i can ask the master to correct him."

i am more concerned with son. remember that sometimes, these experiences are stepping stones and learning curve to understand disappointments and rejections better. to accept and move forward without having an anger. become resilient in life. taking failures and success as they come.

the best thing that we can do as parents is to tell them
1. you understand that it is disappointing, but maybe he should take that step to do better.
2. that failure is not bad..sometimes you learn to carve out new goals. you can talk to him about the trinity exams and passing them with a distinction and being able to go to london to complete the goals. instead of concentrating on the failure at the first step, showing him a wonderful goal at the top of the steps.
3. that failure/rejection is not the end. you can try again and again forcing them to give you that chance. there is a bigger stage out there.
4. give him a positive outlook. do support him to leanr to withstand this, to grow into a more resilient person...

all the best to both of you.

 

I feel for your plight. It is very annoying and depressing when the so-called grown up, the adult is behaving like a kid, and we have to explain to our kid to behave like a grown up, so to speak.

School is not the only place for competitions. What you can try is to go to the music master, the professional guy and ask him if there are any competitions your son can participate. Confirm from him whether your son is stage ready or if he requires some more grooming. You can also ask around and find out through friends or neighbors about these.

There are many community and cultural organizations, temples etc citywide which also hold music competitions for different age groups. Let him participate in that, and get a chance to compete and feel good about himself.

This way you will be teaching your son an important life lesson about how to deal with unfair and biased people or behaviour.

 

Vidyarp
The teacher is obligated to take those who are learning with her because of her monetary commitments with them. So she may brush u also aside and later even never give a chance again to your Son. I think the feedback from the professional teacher ur son learns with is most important. If he is happy ur Son is definitely a good performer. Get him to participate in any outside event and take a video and upload it on Youtube. Talk to the head mistress of the school then. I have myself been through this kind of an episode and therefore could never nurture my talent. Its ok I survived but the world has to be more transparent now.

 

Make him understand about the people character. He should know who are all around him.

Tell him those who are all selected by your teacher will get one stage but for you " you will get lot of stage in near future" Time will come until that work hard.

HE know when, where and how to provide a chance to him.

 

God! A teacher is supposed to be a role model!
Yes, please do ask the teacher what the reasons were. My heart goes out for your son. One thing for sure, at age 4, he is doing excellent!