How do I handle this???

ANK · May 6, 2008

Hi All,

I am caught in a rather irritating situation! And was wondering if anybody has gone through this?

I have a 12 yr. old son studying in grade 7. He is a good student, and manages to get A's most of the time. He is not very fond of Language Arts (English), at school, but still manages to get A and B.

He has a new teacher (teacher is new to school and 24 yrs. old, male) who teaches them S.Studies and LA. My son has been performing well. We had a PTA meeting and this teeacher pointed out that my son always checks out what grades his friends get after tests, and he wants us to discourage him from doing so. he also mentioned that he is very competitive, and wants to finish his work fast, and feels bad if he does not do well in test. All this was said in a negative tone, and I found that odd! Anyways, we told our son, no more checking out anyone's grades, and to keep his competitiveness to himself, and try and do well without getting too excited abt. it.
I am always checking out the school website and keep in touch with teachers if necessary, is this not taken kindly by him???

Since the meeting I find that my son gets bad grades in tests and even HW'S, and I mailed the teacher couple of times regarding this and checking whether my son is playing truant with HW, and could he send the test papers and HW's home. I never received any replies, nor papers! This has been going on since end of March. Its another 3 weeks before school closes for summer, but I feel irritated about this whole thing, and my son's morale is very low when it comes to LA, since he feels he is'nt doing well. My hubby says, we should just let it be, since its 3 weeks before school closes, and our taking up this matter with Principal should not create more probs. for our son.

I feel bad for him, and frustrated that I am unable to do much about it!

Srama · May 7, 2008

Hi ANK,

I am not an expert at this - my kids are still in pre school age, however I feel compelled to write to you - I am very passionate about children and their environment. So here's my two cents, please do think about it. The fact that the teacher is not responding doesnot mean you should let go, neither does that mean you should contact the principal, but definitely meet the teacher. I don't think it is fair to let your child's grades suffer (more so because he is a bright kid) because of his teachers' attitude or because the school is closing in three weeks. What are the chances the same teacher will be there next year too. If that is the case, you don't want to leave the issue hanging in the mid air and your kid should know that you are there for him. The way I look at it, since it is just a matter of 3 more weeks, let the teacher deal with the fact not your son who has a life time of learning ahead of him.

So as next time, I think you should call the teacher (since he has not responded to your mails), ask for an appointment and meet him with a calm head and go through your son's work and see what the problem is and then take the next action. I think it is only fair to your child and to you also.

Hope this helps.

ars · May 7, 2008

Dear Ank,
I have an 8th grader and 11th grader in the public school system. I don't know where you live in the US. In our county the teachers have to respond to all emails with in 24 to 48 hrs.
My sugestion is
1. Talk to your son in a cool vioce one on one. Me it usually works with my boys while I am driving them some where and they open up. Just ask few questions general questions without acussing him for the low grade or anyhting..like whats going on in that class. - Just listen don't interrupt.
Also. Communicate to him that you love him no matter what or what grades he brings home. and you won't compare him to others. Just you want him to do his best because he is capable of it. He has to be true to himself in putting 100% effort and you will always help him every way so he can do it. All his effort is watched by GOD and he will be rewarded for it.
2. All middle schools have conselors for each grade level. They are academic couselors call her make an appointment to meet with the couselor and teacher and let them know you are a cocerned parent and want to discuss how you can help your son. Mention to her that you have already emailed teacher and he has not responded.
3. At the meeting have your son too. Stay calm. Don't accuse the teacher of anything. See if he brings up the subject of emails from you. I am sure they will show the test papers to you at that meeting ( they wont send it home if it is county's standardized test.) Listen to the teachers cocerns for the low grade.Answer calmly with your views either agreeing or disagreeing depending upon the situation. Ask questions to find what you can do at home to improve his grades.
4. Very important find out if any of the classes he is taking in middle school will show up on high school transcript.
Don't push the matter under the rug like your husband is saying. By doing so you will be sending a wrong message to your son.
Hope my 2 cents helps in giving you peace of mind.