make children aware of inappropriate touch

annu78 · Jul 18, 2014

Hi,

I just cannot stop myself from starting this discussion after an incident that happened a few days back. My neighbor's daughter who comes to play with my dd is around 8 years old. Last week, she was with me for around 4 hours as my neighbor had to go somewhere urgently. She was playing happily as usual . Suddenly her father's friend , who is a regular visitor at her house came to visit them. Seeing their house locked, he rang our doorbell and enquired about my neighbor. On seeing this man, the little girl rushed to my daughter's room without even smiling at him. This surprised me as he was her uncle and as part of our mannerism lessons we teach our kids to respect guests and greet them. Her behaviour seemed strange as otherwise she is a mannerful child.After that man left, i casually asked her, "beta, why u did'nt you wish ur uncle? She innocently said ," Aunty, I am kutti with that uncle. He makes me sit in his lap and keeps touching me here and there when mom dad are not there. My head started spinning as I immediately remembered Amir Khan 's Satyamev Jayate episode where people recounted their horror stories of molestation by the people they knew well. I further asked a few questions just to confirm my doubt. To my horror, whatever I was thinking was correct. The man was abusing the child inspite of being so close to them. I was filled with disgust and anger. When her mother came back, I told her the entire story.she was shell shocked and had tears in her eyes....Then she called her daughter and asked her as to why she didnt share this. The child said that she was scared that they wud scold her as my neighbor is a very strict mother. My neighbour gathered her composure and discussed this with her husband. They confronted the man but he denied the allegation. Now the two families cant see eye to eye. My neighbours thought of a police complaint but the slow and non committed attitude of our judiciary people deterred them .

This made me realise that we, Indians, are not that free with our kids. We want to be good parents just by providing them materialistic things but forget that the golden rule of parenting is to be able to connect emotionally. We have to develop a friendly relationship with our child. If a child refuses to go to a family member or an acquaintance, please don't scold the child. Try to find out the reason for it.
That day, I realized that it is the duty of every mother to teach the child about good and bad touch and also be more communicative and friendly with the kids. This , in the present circumstances should be done early so that our kids are safer. I had already told my daughter about the danger areas that no one should touch and what should be done if someone dares to do so( Amir's show had that exercise of how to teach this to kids). I appeal to all mothers to be open with their kids and as per their maturity level, this should be discussed. Happy parenting and let's pledge to keep our kids safe.

dasikajl · Jul 18, 2014

hi Annu
thanks for posting which is very informative
yes u r right we think we are friendly with our kids but somewhere we lack that is the reason why kids don't share everything and anything with us.

guesshoo · Jul 18, 2014

Annu, what you have done is so precious for the child. you will be one of the safety anchors for that child outside her immediate family! Bless you.

very significant post indeed. Thank you for reminding the rest of us.

neetugtb · Jul 18, 2014

Thanks Annu for taking the initiative to make parents aware of this sensitive and burning issue. No matter it's a boy or girl, the kids are the most vulnerable group so the basic about the type of touch should come through the parents only, especially mother. The child needs to have confidence in her mother to confide in her so all mothers with kids above 5-6 years please explain your ward the basics and keep gently asking them about it every week in one to one talk.

There is nothing to be shy or apprehensive about it. I have seen my DD's friend's mothers being apprehensive about how to start a conversation, be their friend and talk in as simple terms as possible. This is the Satyamev Jayate episode, please see it and show it to your kiddo too.

Good work Annu, you saved a child from a trauma for life.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hY8CyTeegrM

anmolhai · Jul 18, 2014

Thank you for posting this. THis is SO important and please ALL moms no matter how awkward you feel about such kind of topics, be brave for your daughters and sons and talk!!! let them know that u are there for them no matter what. Teach them about this!!

ramyav_cse · Jul 18, 2014

I was going to start a thread on this too. The recent Bangalore school rape case of a 6 yr old girl has disturbed me enough.

Sai3A21 · Jul 18, 2014

These days, it is very important to teach kids about the good touch and bad touch from an age as early as 3years. Thanks for the thread and the useful information shared here. You have saved the girl from any further molestation. Cant trust anyone - strangers and well-knowns.
These things I tell my 5.5year old kid repeatedly
1. No one should touch your private parts
2. If any stranger tries to come closer to you, scream as louder as possible
3. Always stay in groups in school or during playtime.
4. Do not accept any eatables from strangers or outsiders

Also, I feel that we cannot expect kids to talk about such things if happened. It is our responsibility as parents, to check with kids daily, once they are back from school if any disturbing thing happened. Not directly, but in a casual talk. This leads to better communication and bonding between parents and kids. Bangalore 6yr old girl incident scared me so much. No place is safe for kids these days. Its better to educate them and make them aware of the good touch and bad touch.

Anamika99 · Jul 18, 2014

Wow, good work by you OP.

There are different age approrpriate material out there , and it shd be talked in that lanuguage to kids. And saying one time is not enough, this needs to be repeated every few weeks in different form. Now that my son is 9 yrs, when i suddenly start talking about it, he would ask "why suddenly u remember this today? " and i would tell him just to enforce it so that you do not forget.

make sure you do not use word 'stranger' - that gets confusing for kids.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Stranger-Safety&id=8124619

and many times only known ppl do this or kidnapping

it is essential to each them to say 'no' and 'stop it' for such things besides coming and telling parents when it happens - boy or gal both should learn to say it

more importantly, get your kids into marital arts as they grow old. It helps not only with physical safety and gives strength to fight any abuses.

ans if you are a mother of a boy, vow to raise a responsible man!

Swethasri · Jul 18, 2014

Do we anytime realize why kids are scared to share these very important things with their parents???? one of the reasons I guess we yell at them all the time in their first 3 years and they judge us what to tell and what not to tell. Because they are very smart. Not only yelling but also beating and hitting them for small small mischievous things they do at home in their early years.