When did your school going child become completely independent?

Aww, swt.charu cleaning potty for a 8 year old is the height according to me. you have spoiled him rotten with your obsession..if i am allowed to say that.

on the question of when did your school going child become independent.. my daughter when she was 5 and my son when he was 6. i wanted them to learn to be independent. many called me a hitler/devil's incarnate for making them do it that way but today i am happy, that they can manage things in their life..

potty- i trained them to wash by the time they were 3/4. it is so long ago can't remember exactly. yes i would supervise. by 6 my dd would not want me in the loo/bathroom even for bath unless it was a hairwash. my son too.

Eating..i allowed them to make all the mess they wanted. eat with their hands, spoons from the time they were 1. in my case did not have people to pamper and supervise them. they eat what is given. they are told that they have to eat what is on the table..if they like or even if they don't like it. it is our food for the day.(i will make their fav goodies sometimes..but never as a bribe.). he can starve for how long. maybe he sneaks in chips and cookies..

Getting ready : i always used to leave their dress in a systematic pattern. uniforms will be there in that shelf at that place. the socks in their location. same goes for undies. they dress themselves, and they come to me only if they can't find them there. yes my son leaves a wet towel here and there..but that is a small thing, compared to standing in his beck and call.

being slow is something i have come across many kids. switch off tv, and keep the mobiles ipad and gaming if any away. and tell him he need not study or do anything for your sake., sorry we are not interested. we would like him to study so that he can improve on his own education. don't be behind him to get ready. just go on with your work for a few days. if he is late, don't drop him at school once..see how he reacts..but then i can anticipate him being happy about not going to school.

will come back. charu, have a call to attend..

 

then it is not the fault of the boy. it is more about four adults confusing a kid with your own set of ways.

there is one thing that needs to be set right. you four need to sit together and come to a consensus on food, school, eating habits, hygeine.

learn parallel parenting. you will not interfere with each other in front of the kid. you will not interfere the boundaries set for yourself.

now i really feel for your kiddo, from what you say it is more like it is the adults at fault.

high time you sat and discussed first with your husband. and then together as a unit talk to your Pil about how the four of you though having the kiddo's welfare and future in your mind are not able to break through and are ruining his behaviour.

p.s one word of caution, you can have 100's of issues with parents and parents-in-law but do not draw a equation in this which involves the kids. it only goes to confuse them. just allow them their gp time.

all the best swtcharu.

 

Each child is different - so they may not become independent on all tasks at the same time.
however, that being said, potty cleaning! should be done by 4-5 yrs i would think.
My son is 8, but needs supervision while bathing, just because he does it so fast, i worry he may not do it properly.
That apart, eating / getting ready he is fully independent. I wonder if he would eat if i tried to feed him !
My younger one at 3 also tries to eat and makes a mess, but as Shanvy said, i too let him eat on his own and clean up the mess later.

 

dont get frustated swt.charu. every child is different. my son and daughter are chalk and cheese..so different.

imagine your son.. you give him a instruction x, your husband counters it with y, then comes your fil with another instruction that is exact opposite of x and y and then comes mil with another instruction z. he loves you all. he is pampered and loved by you all. he does not want to hurt anyone. he is confused, he is frustated..it is more like power play..he has to work in his mind whom should he satisfy first...AW poor kiddo..

and as you say, the tension and stress of following what you ask for some brownie point is more than the drive to get those brownie points that he stops and screams at the end of the 2nd day..

sometimes, it is better to concentrate on our kid alone..let there be super prodigies, super kids out there..

sit down to his level and tackle the issues instead of expecting him to stretch himself to accomodate three adults...

do try..

 

Hi swt.charu,
Dont worry....Each child is different from each other.Even 2 children in a same house are not same....Don't push him into all disciplines together at the same time as he may become rebellious....Try each one at a time...starting from toilet habits....everything will be fine.Try to convince him that u will not talk with him if he is not going to obey u...And don't talk with him even if he throws tantrums...It worked with my kids....Keep cool & don't worry...

 

swt.charu,

when i was seeing this ad, i was thinking of little boys. i was reminded of this thread for some reason. maybe the satisfied smile of the boy at the end.. no where talking about the parents, but the act of responsiblity by the boy is so sweet. had to share, and wishing yours does bring that smile to you. too

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_I1omigDRU

 

Shan....I would so lick that butter off of that knife....well, I do it even now Cute ad.

Swt Charu...hope things ar egetting beter, if not they will! Hang in there.