Yelling at my daughter :-(

I am back again!! with my hot head banging me every now and then... my temper button being pushed down always... :-( I strike again a yelling session, continously for months together... that my DD is so scared of me!! ((SOB))

1) I was sleeping in the afternoon which is a rare scenario. We had a visitor and my maid asked my DD to wake me up. The reply she gave was 'no way... am very scared to do that... she will yell at me'
2) I was in the bathroom. My DH called me for something for which I asked DD to answer the phone. I couldnt hear her saying something to me. So I told her to just answer the phone and inform him that I would call later. But looks like she has cried to my DH that 'amma is telling something, but I cant hear it appa... am so scared'
3) Worst! She was all getting ready to swimming but was not swimming. When the master asked what happened she replied that 'my amma is pushing me so much'

SIGH! I dont know why but all she does makes me angry. I know that I cant expect everything good from a 7 year old child. But then my patience is being tested again and again. She spills water... she skids... she kicks whatever is on the floor by mistake... she doesnt take food.. she is not time conscious to get ready... she doesnt want to do yoga or exercise.. she wants to keep watching TV... she doesnt want to do her maths...on top of it, she teases my second DD... I am tired with her uh!

I tried yoga... sudharshan kriya... nothing is helping. I also went for counselling but not satisfied with the psychatrist. As for me.. am also getting so sick every now and then.. getting migrane headaches that drive me soooooooooo crazy.. i cant sleep in the night... i cant eat good food... i keep thinking about my DD, esp. the first one.. and getting worried day by day. I dont like to listen to music bcoz they increase my headache. I never have liked dancing. I dont want to go out anywhere bcoz there also I will be worried about my kids only. Believe me... that is the reason I am not writing blogs also anymore. Books also are not attracting me anymore. The only good thing which is so surprising is am not yelling at the baby girl. That in fact drives my first DD much more crazy. 'Why the heck not you shout at the baby but me' is her constant pick these days.

I tried talking to her out but is not working. On top of this... she is copying me now in shouting at even smaller things. She yells at the maid and the baby girl which was not her and totally my influence only.

Am I the worsest mom every haa!!?? I feel so worried, pitied, ashamed.. what not. Any suggestions?

 

Thanks for the FB attitudegirl. My LO is 9 months old.
I do have good time with both my daughters. I take my first DD to all shoppings. We infact had pizza, just she and me last friday. She said she just enjoyed it. But then... even there and all... am picking on her. yes. i am scolding her there also, may be in lower voice. And the worst thing is she got used to those scoldings that she would never react. I think I am trying to be Miss Perfect while I myself am not. And that I expect her to be another Miss Perfect which is what is causing the trouble. Sometimes I want to flee away from her and worries about her. Next minute I feel guilty about that thought. :-( Thank God my DH is tolerating both the sides and thus am still sane. My mom tells me that she is absolutely alright and just that I am only losing my temper and making big deals on nothing. sigh! will try to keep my sanity still!
But yeah.. you have a point.. may be she is crying for her individuality and am simply influencing everything. i think i should take that in my mind and start treating her that way. Thanks for the suggestion

 

naaa... no Post partum depression and all... am like always having depression then! bcoz i always have this anger button pushed deep down.. :-( yeah am trying to see if something will help me in getting relaxed. Attending Satsang in Art of Living was very good and relaxing. In fact we both enjoyed the music and fun there when we went for Janmashtami. But then that is all... she didnt want to come for Ganesh Chathurthi. uh! and haa.. yes.. I love cooking some food like gobi manchurian or mushroom fry for her. she loves the food that I cook and I think she is longing to eat me cooking rather than my maid. See... again am only at mistake.
Thanks for the FB

 

Thanks superwoman. yeah.. the sibling rivalry is what I am suspecting too. That showering the love part... dont take me wrong.. but I cant do it just like that.. not even to my own mother or DH. :-( But then every night before sleeping we 4 will roll over the bed for sometime. She also loves that. I spoke to her yesterday... but nothing fruitful. One time she quotes one reason and the next time she has another reason. I have seeked my DH to talk to her. Let us see...

 

thanks for the tip rachaputi. I have never taken this test, let me do that.
but on the other hand, it is true that she is supergenious. She is a wonderful child in a very wrong hand (me).

and why is that I cannot 'Like' your FB?? I dont see that link at all