Do you think children these days have stress??

Originally Posted by Sumathy

Dear Shanvy,

A poignant question. I feel that by nature, children do not tend to build up stress BUT the adults can really corrupt them. Through pressure on performance in various fields. And it is really sad to see them do that.

If you put pressure on kids, they are going to be stressed. So, the answer to your question is another question - do you pressurise you kid to perform - in sports, arts, school or socially?

But there is another kind of stress which is not due to us - peer acceptance. I have seen even small kids (5 yrs or above) can get stressed because of this. At that stage, this is a serious thing, I believe. This can be avoided if parents sympathetically listen and comfort the child and look into the cause of this problem instead of brushing it off.
So, this stress can also be avoided or lessened by interaction with thekid.

And I dont know what to vote here ??
Cheer

Hey sumathy,

Sorry for coming in late to reply. thanks for stepping in. I definitely see a trend in parents, they want the child to go to the best school, even if it is going to tire them, they want them to participate in lots of extra curriculars and sometimes a pressure to perform that takes the child towards depression.

The peer pressure is also equally great. but what is astoounding is the pressure the child has on itself..lot of the children have their own goals to achieve. i can see that in my daughter's class. the class has all high performers..the difference in the 1to 10th ranks (if a rank is given ) will be only 0.5% may be they get moulded by the ideas of the parents.....

thanks for your prompt reply. may be i should have added more options isn't it.

Originally Posted by lalitha shivaguru

Dear Shanthi,

I do agree children have stress these days.

As parents we are always behind their back to excel in studies, art, sports and everything under the sun. Even summer holidays is not spared, promptly they are send to summer camps. With peer pressure and competition to do better always........they have More STRESS because they also are so immature to handle the same.

Last but not the least ............the fear of failure is always at the back of their minds.

LS,
thanks for stepping here dear.

With two kids the two of us should compare notes isn't it. This summer hols, my DD said she did not want to attend any classes. she wanted to relax, read,draw and enjoy her time fruitfully..(how fruitfully is again questionable by me as a parent...) but I left it as ultimately we want to enjoy their childhood.

I feel as parents we want our child to the things which we missed, without willing to see the potential of the child in its own right.

and you are right about the fear being there....

Originally Posted by padmavathi m

dear shanti,

yes, they are toooooooooooo much stressed......................i still remember when krithikaa was in mainstream schools, the amount of time she used to be taking to finish her homeworks, study for exams.........all this led to very bad falling of hair, dark circles under her eyes............always disturbed, irritated................so much of stress.......and she used to tell me "mama, i am not able to write fast like other kids", and always i will tell her you can do it, please do it darling........its for your good........without even understanding that poor child's abilities..................i feel every one of us should understand their own child's capabilities.............rather than pushing that child for their own satisfaction...............

thank God now krithi is ok...............and anki always will tell me mama, you dont worry, i will get 50 marks in hindi, and other subjects i will get more marks, more marks she means above 80.....................she will do it.........so i dont bother her much...........i too agree with it, so she finishes her homework, plays from 6 to 7 pm in the evening.............come home watch some TV programs , then dinner, by 9 sleep.........this is their schedule.............we should allow them to play....... be free to kids, they will have to enjoy their childhood.............this is how i deal with them shanti.................its no use pressurising them for everything that we WANT...........

love
padma

Padma,

Thanks buddy. how are you. how are sweet DD's. you are doing a great job as parents. Let us not increase the already existent stress, pressure. let us give them atleast a part of the childhood they are supposed to enjoy...if not complete 100% .

Originally Posted by vkrithika1

dear shanthi,

Full credit(????????) for this goes to the parents and teachers.Now a days syllabus is heavy even for kg classes.I used to feel very pity for my daughter for her home works at her ukg,and 1 std.. school starts at 8.30 or 9.00.For that they have to get up atleast at 6 am.and run to school. and Read and write heavy portions.After coming home they will feel half sleepy.Then we send them to various classes.After the classes studies and sleep.THey don't have the time to play.Playing only can reduce the stress.

In between parents also beat and scold them for so many reasons.Paavam what they will do.We can only pity them because they have to survive the competetive world.

More than children,parents have so many ambitions which they put on children.Atleast to that extent i am happy to be a good mother.I don't force her to do any work including studies.

I remember the Bharathiar song odi vilayadu paappa

Kaalai ezhundhavudan padippu
Pinbu kanivu koddukkum nalla paattu
Maalai muzhudhum vilayattu
enru pazhakka padutthi kollu paappa.

THis will become history if it goes like this.

Krithika,

Nice to know your views. and I ditto every single view. definitely this is a song to be remembered..

Nice to know you are a great mom.

Originally Posted by poonamjoshi9266

yes shanvy too much of stress they have these days due to parents as well as their school.

Poonam,

Thanks dear for stepping in. I know there is stress at school.what i would like to point is as a parent let us help them destress and not add to the already existing thing.

Originally Posted by AbhiSing

Shanthi

The topics you choose are amazing.

Inadvertently I feel that parents do make the kids feel stressed not only in studies but in other fields like extra curricular activities as well. I know abt a lady putting her 3 and half year old girl in classical singing, barathanatyam, piano, phonics and now looking for classes in swimming. This is apart from her going to school half a day.

Peer pressure also makes the kids stressed out a lot. They are confused whether to follow the friends, so that they are accepted by their friends, or to follow the parents who insist them to behave themselves..or else.

Lot of reassurance is needed here and we young parents also need a lot of guidance in distressing them.

Vijee,

How is your son nowadays. sorry for the late reply. thanks for stepping in. yes I have also see the kids being taxed in the name of extra curricular activities.. here the school is full day. the kid i know gets up at 4.00 she is at the tennis court by 4.30/5. one hour practice and then goes for some tuition, then home then to school. and in the evening to some music class, sloka class, keyboard class.

The peer pressure is not only between the kids it is seen between people at work or in the same apartments. all in the name of comparison and being one above.

Definitely parents need to understand the child, his capabilities and restrictions and also how to handle without adding on to the stress.

Dear Sarada,

thanks for stepping in. I am sorry for the late reply.

Parents also need to stop having over expectations from their kids. they shouldnt stress them saying that you should be first in class. and they keep comparing with their friends.. In this process parents forget that they do harm to the students than good.

I know lot of parents who really give a piece of their mind if the child did not get the 2 marks..that is if she got 98 out of 100. then comparing invariably happens..and you can see the impact when you visit on a parents teacher meeting and then even the parents will be comparing and exchanging notes, and they forget that will not only harm the parent -child equation but also the classmates' equation.

I just remember the movie Taare Zameen Par as I am writing this entry. how apt is the movie in the current state? I was amazed when I was watching the movie also relating to the parents who give more stress to their kids asking them to do this or that killing their interests in painting, music what ever it could be.

I suppose we need more movies like taare zameen par. others movie you could watch is little man tate, little geniuses. Sometimes over stressing on something the child already loves also turns negative....when the child loves music, if the parent is behind the child to perform and practice 24x7 the child will definitely lose the interest in the long run unless the child can relate to the passion the parent has towards the child's interest.

Competition is always good when its moderate.
Vijee, though I agree with you, I should say, apart from studies, kids need to hv relaxation in any one of the hobby ..but this should not be a burden on them. it should only help to relax..
well.. these are my views and ppl have different views..I am just trying to share my views.

You are always welcome to share your views. whether they are with the group or not..It is always heartening to have different perspective from people which enrich us better.

I agree, a child needs to have a hobby. and here i would like to say the hobby could be that which the child is passionate about and is not forced on it by the parents...

Originally Posted by Shilpa77

Well,

It depends on the education system. It is stressful in India. My SIL was extremely upset with her son becoz he did not score 100% any of the subjects but 96% instead in the 12th board exams.. He's got into IIT and anna univ. Now.. why stress urself & the kid as well..

I was allowed to play till eight in the night when I wa 6-7 years old, I don't think I'll be kind enough/ or afford to do that to my daughter in India..
-S

Shilpa 77

thanks for stepping in .

It is not entirely the educational system to be blamed. Yes i agree about there are certain points in the sys tem that needs revamping, like marks that need not really showcase the intelligence, the efficiencey of a person. The learning capacity and the understanding and the intelligence need to be measure in different scale. then this stress to perform better in exams will reduce. not all are lucky. I know a parent who had allowed the child full freedom, did not stress and finally the child ended up getting only 50% which could not get him into any good colleges.

What i would say is at the 10/12 th level, explain what is life to your child, what are the pros and cons of studying, what he can do by doing well in studies and also that you are there to support him rather than add more pressure. t he child is sure going to understand the responsibility and perform and if still he does not then the parent has to understand that, that is the child's capacity and not force/torture him.


My children get to play for a hour on weekdays and 2/4 hours on weekends. so it is our take on the issue.

Thanks for your views here once again.

Shanti,
All friends have talked about stress and I just saw this thread and thought would post my views on how kids could be helped to destress.

1. The kids should be made to eat healthy foods. They have to be taught to eat lots of vegetables and fruits.

2. Kids need lots of exercise to destress themselves. So if they play for atleast an hour (playing I mean not video games or computer games) but playing outside in the fresh air.

3. Dont force your kids too much, if you are enforcing any rules and guidelines, the parents should be clear enough about the guidelines. No vague guidelines please.

4. Talk with your kids a lot. Trust them more. Learn to accept and understand them. It is not enough if the parents alone talk, they should allow the kids to talk and listen to all what they say. Kids are known to ask so many questions and even if we dont know the answers, as parents we should be able to find out and let them know.

5. Kids should be made to understand that it is ok to make mistakes, but if they make a mistake they should be able to accept their mistake. Parents who want their kids to tell sorry, thanks or please, the parents also should practice the same with the kids too. Afterall kids learn from the parents.

hi rajmi,

Thanks for the great input. should be useful to moms who are more stressed than the kids, and in turn make life miserable for the little ones.