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I am 18, how do I tell my parents that I'm moving out?

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by mc95, Mar 17, 2013.

  1. mc95

    mc95 New IL'ite

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    How do I tell my parents that I am moving out? I am a girl if that makes any difference...

    I am 18 and am finishing my freshman year in college, my university is pretty close to home so my parents decided that I would commute... my dad works right nexi to my college so he drops me off in the mornings and picks me up in the evenings. This whole arrangement is driving me crazy. Plus, I can't hang out and do stuff with my friends or any afterschool activities, my parents are kind of strict too. I have a friend whose apartment I could stay at paying very cheap rent that is RIGHT next to my college. I don't have a job yet, but assuming I work all summer I should be able to sign the lease and move out when school starts. The only problem is my parents, they do not understand why I would ever want to move out. As far as they are concerned I should live with them till I get married. Every time I bring up moving out my mom gets angry and upset and cries sometimes. I plan on telling them I'm going to move out at the end of this summer if I have enough money saved up. So how should I tell them? What would make it easier on them? Has anyone had a similar experience? Do you think I'm making the right decision? I feel like my life is being put on hold by staying at home...
     
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  2. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    no personal experience here, so I do not know how it will work out. But generally speaking you can talk to them about your thoughts and why and how you think moving out will help you. Ask them what are their thoughts and understand their views. They may have fears about how you will manage alone and other things - if you catch my drift. You will have to give them confidence that you will not get into trouble and will be responsible. If they are convinced, they may concede.

    On the other hand, if the above reasons, viz. picking and dropping, no extra-curricular activities are the only reasons - why not try asking them for a little leeway? may be you could arrange for your own transportation and tell them that you feel restricted and would like to hang out with friends etc. Again you will have to convince them that you will be responsible an dnot get into trouble.


    If I were you, I would take the second option instead of just going drastic and leaving home. JMO. Goodluck

    p.s.
    I am guessing that you belong to an Indian family and your parents migrated from India. Hence, I can understand their attitude coming from the same culture. Excuse me if I am wrong:hide:
     
  3. mc95

    mc95 New IL'ite

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    I grew up here and I really am trying to understand their point of view...But I've been waiting for this moment for sooo long and I ended up going to a very good university near home with a scholarship, and so all my dreams of moving out were crushed... and they don't let me drive and school is 45 minutes from home, and it isn't just hanging out with friends and stuff like that... home is very constricting... I love my parents and all but I feel like it's time for me to start living my own life... thank you though :) I will definitely try to assuage their fears...
     
  4. shyamalajh

    shyamalajh Gold IL'ite

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    Are you the only child? Is your mom working? Empty nest feeling can be very depressing. But that is not a good reason for them to stop you from moving out. You seem to be a caring daughter. It is important for you to experience dorm life at least for sometime. I know some decide to commute rather than stay in dorm as that makes economic sense. But even in such cases usually, they stay in dorm for the first year. In your case, you have scholarship too. Why don't you tell them you would want to stay out for the first year and see how it goes and you guys can decide about remaining years later. May be your parents will get slowly used to your being independent. I do know some kids who actually go to near by school and came back to stay home and commute after a year of dorm life, which according to them was bad as it was very noisy, bad food, disturbed sleep and hard to focus on study. Who knows you may change your mind and come back. Be open minded and ask your parents to just try the same. Try to get any friends mom or relative's mom whose kid is staying on campus talk to your mom. There is heavy drinking and good amount of drug use on campus, your parents could be scared about the influence of those on you. Just make them understand you are strong and you will not come under peer pressure.
     
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  5. Dinny

    Dinny IL Hall of Fame

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    I am not surprised...as parents we all are protective about our kids and more so incase of daughters.
    Your parents have not done this when they were young,they have moved out either after marriage or after getting a job.In your case neither marriage has happened nor do you have a job.
    And there's actually no strong reason for you to move out.
    you said your college is very close to your house,your father drops you etc...so you see your parents cant figure out the reason behind you wanting to move out.
    I think for you its your freedom that gets cut down when you stay with your parents.Trust me your parents must not even be aware that knowingly unknowingly they are cutting down on your freedom.
    Talk to your parents about this...dont beat around the bush that "this whole arrangement is driving me crazy...i am 18 now etc"
    Tell them frankly that i cant hang around with my friends...i want to do some afterschool activities...and then who knows they might let you go out with friends more often and might give you more freedom.
    But i still think "moving out" will be a distant dream.

    Btw go through this thread you might find some more opinions
    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/195721-how-do-you-feel-about.html
     
  6. Anikha

    Anikha Silver IL'ite

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    I have two kids who are going to college,both prefer to stay at home. When my husband wanted to transfer our son to a better university which is 4 hours away from the city we live, my son has refused. He said it doesn't matter the brand of university. If the economy is doing good every one finds work, if the economy is downhill even an ivy league graduate will have hard time finding work.

    He says staying on campus is not fun for a calm guy like him. There are alcohol parties on weekends, drugs, video games and a lot of other disturbance at dorms. They find privacy at home not at dorm.

    Since you are seeking for perspectives, I would suggest you to start working coming summer, save some money and buy a car so you could have your own transportation, then you could stay after school hours for your extra curricular activities or hanging out with friends. When you have your own transportation you will have both freedom and the comfort & safety of staying at home.
     
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  7. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,
    If your uni has an exchange program, you could sign up for that so that you could move away for 1-2 semesters. Apart from that, I think you have waited for so long, wait for a couple more years, tell your parents that you are moving out after you finish graduation, and that you want to experience independent life before getting married. They then have enough time to prepare themselves. If they are totally adamant about not letting you go, then go to a different uni. for post grad or move to a different city for job. Whatever you do, don't let them crush your dreams, you will regret it later.
     
  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Some of my friends have kids in good university that happens to be nearby. Their kids stay in the dorm or on campus in the week, and come home every weekend or every fortnight for one or two nights. Sometimes if kids are busy, parents go visit them in the weekend, with homemade food.

    I think it is very selfish of your parents to not allow you to live near your college. Tell them calmly that you want to move closer. Don't give any reasons, you must have already given them all the reasons. Don't use the reasoning that you have saved enough money to pay for apartment yourself, that will hurt them and it'll be like throwing all that they've done for you in their face. If they put the condition that you pay for your own expenses, then, you can say you will.
     
  9. ramyaramani

    ramyaramani Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @rihana I think her parents are being over-protective and not selfish. Quite valid for Indian origin parents.
     
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  10. usharaj

    usharaj New IL'ite

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    therez nothing more important than spending time with your parents...anywayz after marriage u will move out n that time u will repent for not spending time with them...if they dont wan u to move out itz only bec they love u soo much n wan to keep u safe...jus talk to them n help them understand that u need some space..
     

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