Would you let your teen date?

What exactly means dating? I never could understand the reason behind it nor the pscychology.
Is it a trial period (with body access) before deciding whether or not you fall in love with the person?

In India ( it is 8 years since I am out of college; so I can be outdated) it is either you fall in love with a boy/girl or you do not. I haven't heard the use of "dating" word in college; atleast among my contemporaries. The so called trial period is usually called "friendship" minus "body access".

PS: This is a genuine doubt to understand; no sarcasm intended.
-Nitha

 

when my child become a teen i doubt if i'll have any say at all in it.

 

oh i meant they purely wont care as to what i have to say about it. and will go ahead with whatever they want to do anyway. if they take after me that is.

 

Hi PeacockLady,

Unfortunately, you are right about allowing your kids to date after 16 if you are settled in another country for good. But if you are planning to return back any time sooner, you can try to fend it off. Indian kids in US or any place else, will feel awkward since parents teach them something and the schools another. Hence the term "American Born Confused Desis". This is inevitable for the kids and we should either give them the full freedom to be like other kids or ship them off to India for studies. There is no middle answer for this.

 

I dont know about US culture,but when my friends Sil(unmarried) came to india for a vacation,she was hiring boyfriends and moving around in goa,so the elders were like whats wrong with this girl???????
she is having an african origin boyfriend back in US. so ........

 

my parents never had much restrictions on me to go out , but just that to come back by 9 and not later.
But i never wanted to go out, and ever if would go ,i would call my mom every hour, and inform them on which corner of the earth i am and with whom.
May be thats why my parents were so chillaxed and i was a ''good'' teen, cz i feel , restrictions sometimes make the children stubborn.
I will to imply the same, hope they are too my types!! ;-)¤

 

I allowed my son to date starting at age 16, with the additional restriction that any girl he dated must also be 16.

Dating just means going to a movie or dinner, basically spending time together. I'm not sure what you mean by "body access" but I assume that refers to some level of sexual access. Of course when a child is out of your sight you have no real control over what they do, but honest talks (not beat-over-your-head kind of talks) beforehand and consistently throughout his life meant my son was well-educated about the mechanics of sex, birth control, sexually transmitted diseases, and the emotional toll of early sexual activity on teenagers of both sexes, as well as being very clear on my stand in the matter

a) if you're not ready, willing and able to support a wife and child, you're not ready to have sex;
b) if you're too embarrassed to walk into a drugstore and buy condoms, you're not ready to have sex;
c) if you're still living in my house on my dime, you're not ready to have sex because (a) is definitely not met in that case, LOL!

Seriously, he knew I strongly felt it is a bad idea for either gender to have sex while still a young teenager, and he knew I had valid reasons for that, ie, not just "it's bad" or "only bad girls would do that" or "you'll go to hell" or anything like that; but simply that relationships are hard work and young people are particularly easily hurt. He knew this to be true from observation of his friends, many of whom were allowed by THEIR parents to start dating at younger ages than he was (and most of whom were in no wise prepared).

In the end, he was glad I made him wait 'til he was older as he gained much needed perspective.

At any rate, the intent of dating is that the kids will get the chance to know each other better through shared activities and time spent together - movies, playing coed sports, picnics, going swimming, skating, there are even teen dance clubs in some cities though my son would not have been interested in anything like that. If you are a churchgoer there are usually teen activities arranged through churches. In larger cities a lot of Y's have youth activities as well. We were too rural for that. There are school events, school dances. Traveling carnivals are not as common as they used to be but they are still around , especially in rural areas. County and state fairs are other events kids can go to to spend time together and have fun.

Anyway. Dating in high school is practice for how to handle yourself in a relationship later, basically.

30 years ago, when I was married, dating among the children of first generation Indians wasn't exactly rare but it wasn't really the norm either. Things have changed with the current generation, especially as many more of their parents had love matches as opposed to arranged.