How to help Pre-teen adjust in new school.

Dewdrop · Jul 6, 2012

Hi ladies,
I have a 12.3 year old niece who is going to Grade7[in Sep] to another school. But she is not happy/keen on that school 'cos none of her classmates/friends have opted for that school. It is going to be entirely new environment, all new faces & she is anxious/afraid of how to make friends again from scratch ? Actually from elementary school, she is going to Junior-High, so she feels little lost/lonely.

Most of her friends circle are going to Catholic School,[which they cannot attend anyway] & 2 more are going to another neighbourhood school [let's call it MK] which her parents are certainly not keen on as it is not got good standards & is known for laid-back attitude of teachers.But my niece is stubbornly & adamantly pressurising her parents to register her in that MK school. She knows very well that the school her parents have chosen & registered her in is quite highly ranked & has much better student facilites -- but she just wants to be with her friends & not bothered about the more practical & sensible suggestions of her parents.

If her first approach itself is stressed out like this, won't it affect her academic performance in that school ? How to make her realise this & make her aware of her parent's concern too ? How to give my niece the confidence that she will make new friends in her new school & that she will be oK ?

Please suggest ways to tackle this.
Thanks,
Divya.

Admin Note: Read our feature on the topic

How to Get Teen Children Adjust in a New School

Srama · Jul 6, 2012

Divya,

I have no first hand experience but from what I hear, I can tell that the transition from elementary to junior high is hard enough and a newer school will be harder. But the truth is this also the right time to transition to a school that suits her aims and goals and deal with both the issues together - we as parents know this and you as aunt of course Thank fully friends can be made and that she will realize soon.

Solution wise, all I can think of is assuring her that you all understand that she will miss her friends, may be keep the meetings more regular and constant for a while as she builds new friend ships. May be you could tell her that it will be a fun phase to exchange notes and keep in touch. The bottom line should be over a course of 3 to 4 months, stay with her and as she adapts encourage and and be with her. Keep the teacher in the loop may also be a good idea. And yes, this is phase and who knows she might stretching the limits to see how far she can go (with out realizing herself), just standing ground helps. The first year may be the risk all of you have to take and then make a call at the end of the year. While not telling her that you will consider other options next year, cajole her into understanding that all of you want to see how this year pans out and it may surprise everyone!

While you do want to give the confidence that it will be ok, the only solution is it has to happen and it will. Appear confident, enthusiastic and root for her! I am sure other ilites in the same boat will have practical solutions.

Dewdrop · Jul 6, 2012

Appreciate your quick response Sabitha. Yes, her friends live in the same neighbourhood still [except for one] & her parents have also gotten her a Facebook account & a mobile phone too, to keep in touch. And once school starts, anyway her friends are also going to be busy -- probably they can meet every other weekend.
No, her parents are not coddling her & telling 'try one year', 'next year we'll change ' etc. 'cos they have selected a better school & want her to settle there.
Plus, not everywhere she goes in life, she is going to get her earlier friends -- she has to face the practical side of life , is her father's take on this & we fully agree with him.

It is the immaturity & kiddishness in her which is hampering her experience even before she is giving it a chance ....

Thanks for your response ma, will have to keep encouraging & motivating her like you said

akrtutor · Jul 30, 2012

give some time to adjust you child in new environment after spending some time she will automatic adjust her self according to the environment and if this is serious case then concern to psychiatrist.