SHE - Episode 10

Dear Kamla,

That was a very responsible, soulful reply from a woman, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a mother-in-law and above all a well balanced human being.

Like you my roots are also strong in Indian traditions. But that does not mean that we should blind ourselves to the upheaval taking place in the realm of human relationships all over the world, especially in India. In those days whatever happened in the West just stayed there. East remained blissfully insulated from the rest of the world. But today the boundaries have vanished. With affordable travelling, the almost free connectivity and inexpensive communications, we know and are affected by what's happening over there. That should make us even more aware and even more responsible.

TDU's concerns are genuine and there's no doubt about it. There are those women who go in for casual relationships and get cheated by their boyfriends. Let them suffer, for it was their choice and we can do nothing about it.

But for most of the women steeped in values (Eastern or Western) marriage today has become a huge gamble. If it clicks, well and good. But if it doesn't, there has to be an easy exit route, a flexibility to go to square one or at least a way out to extricate themselves from the jaws of an unhappy marriage. I have been repeatedly telling here in this forum that I do not propose live-in as an alternative to marriage. I am bringing that in as a prelude to marriage. In our days courtship was unheard of. The boy and the girl met under the watchful eyes of their parents and they got married. But today I find even in places like Chennai, the boy and girl go out for a few months. They go to movies, restaurants, beaches and exchange notes about their lives thus far. Then decide on marriage. Live-in as I have conceived is only in this context. Of course in the case of courtship normally no sex is involved, but even that has come in now. Live-in has that also.

Shalini is not a wayward woman or a "nymphomaniac" (a term I hate and a term which has long since been removed from the dictionary of psychiatry and exists only in the pornographic vocabulary) going after men. She is out searching for her identity. One's identity can be found only in one's relationships. She is looking for a fulfilling relationship. Of course she loves to have good sex, as all men and women do. But that is not her primary motive. For if it had been so, she would not have slapped Jaggi for his infidelity and walked out of the relationship. She would have closed her eyes to Jaggi's escapades and blissfully forget herself in the sexual pleasures provided by him.

Another clarification. I know I was on a tight rope on a razor's edge when I chose live-in relationship as part of the story. As I wanted to highlight this, I made other things a little ordinary or cliched. So that this stands out for the ILites to observe and comment.

Finally in the next episode I am handling another shocking subject and am sure to receive more brickbats than bouquets from you all. But don't worry Kamla, as a moderator, you would not have to use your powers to issue infractions. I strained myself to make sure that I present a radical concept without violating the limits of decency or the Forum Etiquette of this wonderful community.

Thanks Kamla once again. Your post was really touching, so touching that it made me to respond immediately.

Love,

 

Dear Sudha,
There is a marked difference between the tension I create here for you all and the tension-filled moments that Life hands over to you. In my case it is like the early morning parade whose aim is to flex the muscles and keep our soldiers fighting-fit. And what life gives us is the real fight, for which the parade is the preparation.
Yes, definitely Sudha, all of you, without any exception, have been graceful ladies; thats why I am sparing my time (rather using all the spare time) to give you these parades.
So now, be a good girl, get yourself dressed up for the next Parade (time Monday early evening IST: Venue: Wednesdays With Varalotti Dress Code: Relaxed, casual but quite earnest)
I will just let you the topic in advance; don't tell anybody. It is
"An Accountant and An Pro....." The omission of the last few letters in the last word is by design and not by default.
If Shivaji had so many curtainraisers, stills etc. shoud not Varalotti's thread have at least a millionth of what it had.. ha ha ha..

And then the next parade is due next Thurdsay around 4 PM. Venue: Saturdays With Varalotti SHE 11. Dress Code: Come in a fully closed dress, but more importantly with a fully open mind.

regards,

PS: I have very rarely used smilies here in this site. Not that I am averse to them. But I am trying to build up the "smily effect" into the words themselves. Let's see how they work that way.

 

Re: Part 3!

Dear Malathy,
That was one comprehensive analysis. But honestly after meeting and being friends with so many women, after having written about women all my life, I am convinced that no woman can be confined to a pigeon-hole of a classification for long. May be a snapshot of a woman which is frozen at a point of time and place might confirm to some pre-meditated classification. But woman, the real person in flesh and blood, is way beyond all those things.
Believe me, Malathy, I have been living with my dear wife for nearly a quarter of a century and am yet to find out the classification she fits in. When I cant do this with my wife, I dont want even to attempt this with the other women.
Having said that, if we could forget all those classes and species, and look every woman we see afresh, every time we see her, I am sure we will get a fascinating sight.
Regarding Shalini's treatment of Rishi, I should say that she tolerated him for a full period of 5 years. There was no major issues in the marriage. Rishi was not a drunkard; he did not cheat on her. Nor did he abuse her. The marriage was not bad but just dysfunctional. So Shalini took 5 years to take the D decision.
Jaggi made the decision process quite easy for her by his act of betrayal.
Had Rishi done the same thing, Shalini true to her nature would have thrown him out the same day.

Reserve your judgment on Shalini till you read the 11th Chapter, the 12th, the 13th, the 14th.......

Finally, Malathi, can I ask you, Should we judge Shalini at all? Should we need to judge anybody at all? My mission here is to help further understanding of a human mind, especially that of a woman, which is quite complex and fascinating.
Let's reserve our judgments till the very end. Or even try to avoid it totally. But let's make an earnest attempt to understand Shalini.

Thanks once again for the beautiful response.
regards,

 

Simply great, Kripa. There cannot be a better prelude to SHE 11 than this post of yours.
I was a little afraid considering the nature of subject to be dealt with this Thursday. But you have put all my fears to rest by your post.
Next week after posting SHE 11 when I am bombarded with posts, your little post will be my first defence.
As of now if I start to explain the significance, I will be letting the cat out of the bag, some 120 hours before the scheduled time.
So let's just wait.
Thanks. You will know how relieved I feel now only by Thursday.
Love,

 

Re: Part 3!

Dear Malathi,

You know what is the greatest moment for a writer? As many think it is not when wins some contest or sells in millions. In many cases popularity is just another nuisance. And those like me who have come not for money and for whom writing is not a career, our books selling more or less do not make a difference.

The great moment arrives when someone says "Your story made me think." "You disturbed me Sridhar."

I had one such great moment when I read your post and that of Kamla, where you have mentioned, that "more than your story, the FB and the comments...". In fact Kamla was even a little apologetic. There is no need to be. I am sobbing in pride to see that my story creates FB which is much more than the story.

I had a similar moment a month ago. An Engineer from Trichy called me to address their meeting. I had to turn down his request. In the course of the conversation he discovered that I write on the side. But when he heard my pen name he simply jumped from his seat. I could almost see that though we did not have a videophone. Now that's not a great moment.

He told me that his friend's son wanted a motorcycle badly. His friend could not afford that vehicle at that time. The son woud not listen. His friend brought him to this Engineer for advice. It appears that he had been preserving a copy of my short story "Appavin Manam" which appeared in Vikatan in 1999. He sent the boy to a separate room and asked him to read the story.

After a few minutes the boy came back with tearful eyes to say, that would not insist on getting a motorcycle anymore.

It is only these great moments that keep us glued to the system when the whole world is asleep.

I see that you have nominated the exchange of comments for the finest post of June. Thanks a lot for that.
regards,