I Hate To Ring This Warning Bell - But I have no choice!

Dear Vandhana,

I know Vandhana, whatever you write comes from your heart. And never will I or can anybody else call you a hypocrite for that.

One practical advice I always have while dealing with hypocrites is that never tell them so. Just be careful with them and see to it that their hypocrisy does not in any way harm you. And dont ever collaborate with them in their hypocritical endeavours.

With these ground rules it will be actually amusing to deal with a rank hypocrite.

I had a friend, who was about 20 plus years older than me. Our friendship lasted for 5 years. And he died all of a sudden. He was also my client. Never have I wept for a client's death like that.

But three months after his death I started getting news about his other side. I was horrified to learn about his dark side that I could not think coherently for a while.
It was a thorn in my heart till 1998 when I wrote a short story Sundaram Sir, detailing the shock I had a few years earlier. That story is now in the collection Jannal.
So that way hypocrites can harm us. But after that incident I have become hardened now.
So long as I get such words from persons like you, I will go on writing.
regards,
sridhar

Dear Jothi,

You have done a very wise thing. When you are in a situation where you find the other person at fault, you immediately reversed the situation and found that he was not wrong after all. And he was only natural.

A few days back we received a wedding invitation from my sister's sister-in-law. We got it just a few days before the wedding. My father told me that it was discourtesy to send invitations at the last minute.

Then I explained the situation reversing the angle by 180 degrees. I asked him point blank, "Have you ever sent an invitation for a family function to your brother-in-law's in-laws?"

He accepted. So to place ouselves immediately in other persons shoes always makes us a better person. For did not Valluvar say,
ஏதிலார் குற்றம் போல் தன் குற்றம் காண்கிற்பின்
தீதுண்டோ மன்னும் உயிர்க்கு
Can there be evil if we can see
Our own faults like that of others? (Translation not mine)

My request to you is this: don't be too harsh on yourself even when you see a failing. That will not help. And that will make you even more miserable. All of us have our own share of failings. Otherwise we will not be human beings.
And dont think of an action plan to eradicate all your weaknesses in one go. Such plans are a myth. Just be aware of yourself. Be aware of what you do not like in you. As this awareness becomes stronger God will one day remove those weaknesses.

Thanks for the very touching post, Jothi, which has really enriched this thread.
regards,
sridhar

Dear Anjana,

I am very happy to know that my ringing the warning bells has been of some help to you. At times, sitting before my laptop, at half past eleven in the night, I used to wonder, "whether this is all the worth the while?" Why should I use all my spare time to write about an ugly part of human mind which might makes the readers uncomfortable.

But every time I get the answer from my readers. It is not in our culture to shove everything under the carpet and let out a plastic smile signifying nothing is wrong. Be it crime, sex or politics, we as a culture dove to the ultimate depths and found out the reality. But for this deep-diving our culture would not have sustained us for thousands of years.

I think all of us here in IL are above the mark. We would never stoop to the level of saying, "Except me everybody else is a hypocrite."

The first antidote for hypocrisy is our clear recognition of this trait.
Thanks for the nice words and thanks for the participation, Anjana.
regards,
sridhar

Originally Posted by varalotti

Good human beings, the way in which I see them, are not those who are devoid of any defects;but those who are full of such human failings, but have recognised what is good and what is bad and are constantly struggling to improve themselves. The moment the struggle stops the human being ceases to be good.

Thanks for the post.
sridhar

This is true, Sridhar. With all those failings am struggling hard to improve myself. I couldn't resist to write seeing the above from you. Thanks.

Dear VS,

As I said in another reply my threads always mimic life. And many good things are learnt when they are delivered with a jolt. That way post-Valentine, when the ILites would still be nursing a hangover to talk of hypocrisy, though cruel in one way, amply served the purpose.

While learning double-entry book-keeping was quite easy for me, learning Double Standards (whether they are mine or others) proved a difficult task. I for one very easily find out the double standards practised by others. But when it comes to me, then like the reverse of what a drunkard sees, two appear as one. The most deceptive optical illusion.

I have heard about Lincoln's example; but was not smart enough to quote here in this thread. By doing that you have as usual enriched the discussion.

By the way, VS, I seek a favour from you. Some ILites have written to me saying that they could not understand the exchange I and Manjula had in this thread. If you can make head or tail out of it and are confident of translating it into English, please do it. That service is in demand and will be largely appreciated.

regards,
sridhar

Kambars and VMs are sugarcoatings which I deliver separately from the bitter pills of Hypocrisy and jealousy.

I know an even stronger case of hypocrisy. A client of mine, supposedly of very broad mind, invited his nephew (his brothers son) and his wife for a dinner. What's so special about it, you ask. The nephew had married an Iranian girl. (She was stunningly beautiful is a different story). The clients brother, the boys father was totally upset with the marriage and he did not talk to his son.

The client recounted the story to me next day. When he asked "Why my brother who is a professional living in Bombay is so narrow-minded?" I could give only silent admiration as the answer.

We all appreciated him. Three years down the line the clients son, a cute looking CA boy (for whom I took classes once) married a Konkani girl. My client turned violent and used such choice abuses that no father would ever dream of using against his own child.

The nephew married a foreigner, somebody of a different religion, a non-vegetarian .. the list of difficult areas run into pages. But his own son married an Indian, a person of his religion, a vegetarian... But still that could not be tolerated.

The client was so upset about that that soon he died of a broken heart. That's the unpackaged human mind for you in its most viscious form.
I want to just increase the awareness of the ILites as to the existence of such human qualities.
For those who think they do not have even traces of hypocrisy or jealousy, I offer my sympathies and prayers.

Not only you, Kamla, but I also have a long way to go in the matter of prayer, God etc. I think one way or other all of us are at the same point. While some of us are aware, others are not. I have excluded some real saints from this categorisation.

Thanks once again Kamla for the participation.
L,
sridhar

Dear Sridhar,

Thankyou so much for your kind words and advice.

I am not sure if I am a better person than I was couple of days ago but I do know that I feel good about myself and my actions. Your post and warning bell definitley helped me a lot.


Thanks again,
Jothi.

Too gud an article if we introspect in everyone of us we have a devil who has all the qualities of ur warning bells mr varalotti its gud to discuss them one by one
At the same time i wud like to sum up in one word too much of OA
just kindling ok
ur too sweet in ur replying maybe u cud avoid being little hypo..........

Radha dear,

What is OA?

Dear Radha,

Thanks for your very sweet reply. I have a suggestion for you. You are most welcome to my threads on Valentines, Kambar, Bharathi etc. You can even join me when I walk around Madurai.

But when a topic like hypocrisy or jealousy or gossip is discussed, stay as far away as possible. Entering these threads when one is not earnest or sincere is a potential health hazard.

Thanks once again for the nice words. I still wonder why did you use "too gud an article." Subsequent lines have made these four words a sheer mockery.
Best of luck,
varalotti

Originally Posted by radhavenkatesh

Too gud an article if we introspect in everyone of us we have a devil who has all the qualities of ur warning bells mr varalotti its gud to discuss them one by one
At the same time i wud like to sum up in one word too much of OA
just kindling ok
ur too sweet in ur replying maybe u cud avoid being little hypo..........