Gossip Is The Name Of The Warning Bell, This Time!

Dear Kodha,

As Gandhiji called Rajaji his conscience keeper, I am tempted to call you as my reality check. When my emotions go overboard, you check them and say sensible things to keep me within the four walls of prudence and justice.

One thing, Kodha. It doesn't require chutzpah to talk about gossip to these wonderful ladies. Though I have chutzpah, what is in operation here is not that quality. Then what, you may ask. It is the love and affection, the respect and regard all these wonderful ladies have for me. And it was that unique love that gave me the liberty to talk about so sensitive a topic. I feel like the pampered boy in a family of sisters. Not only sisters, but daughters, mothers, grandmothers, nieces all pour their affection on me which gave this kind of liberty to me.

I liked your expression "gossipping about gossip." But honestly Kodha, I think what they have stated is quite genuine and comes directly from their hearts. So no question of 10% what they say becoming true; it is 100% true. And you are going to see that in action in this site, Kodha.

It is a nice feeling to see you appreciating my post. May God give me the wisdom and strength to make more posts that can win your admiration.
Thanks, once again,
regards,
sridhar

Dear friends,

I read all of your posts regarding the topic Gossip. All the members who participated can proudly say that they all contributed something to avoid gossip. I should thank varalotti sir for starting such a sensitive topic. As usual you started it with a good intention and is well received by all of us. After reading all of your replies I thought I do not have anything else to say apart from others. So I did not reply yesterday.

But today I changed my mind. I thought let me also contribute something, which I have learned after coming to this wonderful site. Jealousy is one of the main root cause of gossip. But is there any way that we can avoid others jealousy. No we cannot it is not at all possible. We cannot change others. But at the same time we should not be the victim of others jealousy. It is like this someone will be jealousy of me so they talk ill about me. So in turn I talk about them to other people and their behaviour to me. So there the gossip starts. Even though we all would like to avoid these things it is not possible all the time.

According to me even if we think ill about others that itself is a part of gossip. Only thing here we are not talking openly to others. If we are able to find a way to avoid this ill thinking about others then there won’t be any gossip at all. You see the seed is first implanted in the mind, only then it starts spreading. If we really want to avoid gossip we should do something at this point. It is always easy to point out the cause but what is the solution?

But after coming to this family our dear Chitra has taught me a way to deal it. That is bless the person in mind when they are angry at you. After reading almost all her replies to this family I thought I would give it a try. Slowly I was able to understand her suggestion. You know when we bless a person in mind our anger towards them slowly vanishes. Then we start analysing the matter with ease where we can think intellectually rather emotionally. Now when I start to compare me with someone happier than me. I would simply pray in my mind, “God give them this happiness forever”. Now if I hear somebody talking ill about me I would just pray “God give them the maturity to understand the situation.” So here I would like to thank dear Chitra for her great contribution to this site.

Thanks varalotti sir for giving me an opportunity to express my thoughts.

Regards,
vidhi

Dear Vidhi,

(Varalotti Sir, with your permission, let me reply to Vidhi on your behalf. But if you are not happy with the reply, please add your comments. And Vidhi Madam, I dont know the art of soft replies as Varalotti does. I would rather plainly speak my mind.)

First, let me congratulate you on your wonderful addition to this great thread. I am happy that you decided to join in this thread rather standing in the bylane and watching others reactions.
Let us get to the question of other's jealousy. If others are jealous of us, it is really a nice feeling. Because they now respect you, regard you and want to reach your place. But this jealousy has got at times an ugly impact especially when they spread rumours about you. But one thing I have found in my experience. If you are confident of yourself and more importantly you dont let any form of arrogance to enter into your mind, others jealousy will not affect you at all.

Well that being said, I am unable to accept your extended definition for gossip.
"According to me even if we think ill about others that itself is a part of gossip."

Varalotti will not have the heart to say so. He will whitewash his replies to make them soft. But I can say clearly you have gone overboard madam and by this high definition you have made a highly practical thread into one of philosophical speculation. Thinking ill of others can be bad, can be a sin or even a crime; but it cannot at any stretch of imagination be brought within the definition of gossip.
regards
Kodha Lakshmi

Dear Kotha Lakshmi

First of all let me thank you kodhai for your straightforward reply. I just wrote my opinion. As I said the thread has covered almost every aspect of gossip and it was going well. I was really hesitant in the beginning to post this reply since even I felt that it will divert the thread to some other phase. I certainly do not want to interrupt the healthy discussion, which is moving so well.

Even I have heard this kothai. - "enna emaathitelle, nee nalla iru." "You have deceived me. Okay, you live well. All the best." But I did not mean it this way. But when I do I say it only in my mind and not openly. But I do not know how to put that into words and explain it to you all. I am just a beginner in expressing my views in a public forum like this.

Once again sorry to interrupt a healthy discussion.

Regards,
vidhi

Vidhi and Kodha- I am amazed at your posts. Both of you write so well.

This entire discussion has been so stimulating. Be it Varalotti's leader, the follow ups by erudite ILites who were honest enough to join the thread, voice their views, admit their strays into gossip- I have learnt so much from all of you in these past days. And of all posts, I have learnt most from Vijibhaskar, Vidhi and Kodha.

Vidhi- I am humbled by the lesson you have learnt from ILs spirituality thread. I as I am now, just can't bring myself to bless the tongue that hisses about me.

Kodha- you write well and your words carry the force of conviction. And I have learnt from your post also.

Has been an illuminating discussion so far- to say the least.

yours in candour
Vidya

Dear Sridhar,
as always, you have come up with the apt topic. I used to gossip, when I was young and used to hear other older women doing the same. Slowly, as I began to interact with more matured people and to read books, I tried to withdraw my interest from it. I even used to persuade the other women of my family not to indulge, somebody might be gossiping about us at the same time.
While I was working in Trivandrum booking office, Rs.6500 was stolen from my cash register even when I was sitting there, balancing the accounts .I am a very friendly person and talk well with people. So when I lost the money, many people gossiped about me saying that I would have been talking to somebody and not taken care of the cash. I silently bore that. Then after a few months, another senior staff at the reservation section lost money the same way- when he was busy issuing tickets, somebody just grabbed money from the register and ran away, before he could catch him -bot these incidents happened during the day time. Only after this, people believed me.


After marriage, when I worked in the Railways in Chennai, I was the only female staff in our section.The men of my age were very decent and never gossiped, but 2 men were gossipers. Then came another 2 lady staff. Then, the office got divided nearly. I tried to stay away from most of the gossip. But one elderly man, who was very religious and pious, teamed with another girl and did some mischief .I do not still know what happened but I was transfered to a small cubicule office right in the platform of the Central station. I felt very bad at that time and then consoled myself. Again, I was an only female. But this office proved a better place and I enjoyed my work there and all the special concern my fellow workers showed for me. I got very good friends from this office.
After a few months, I came to know that, that girl had complained about the elderly gentleman in the lines of sexual harrassement and he was transfered to a punishment position.
No need to say that I do not gossip at all now. It is better to say something to the face than. This way, our words would not be misquoted.

Dear Vidya,
It was today that I again learnt the actual, effective meaning of an age-old Tamil idiom - vayathula paala vaakarathu.

In fact I started posting right at the heat of the moment. And I visited the thread several times to correct, edit and refine it.

And when the great Vidya who has given us a wonderful poem on the subject of the thread herself has acknowledged and has not found my post offensive, tell me, can you find a better example of vayatthula paala vaakarathu?

It was your humility to say that you learnt even from my post. Anyhow that pleases me quite a lot and I now find that the milk that was poured in my stomach at the right time is quite sweet as well.
Thank you vidya.
Yours affly,
Kodha Lakshmi

Very apt topic! We always involve in such discussions without our heart.It happens even if we have tried to avoid such situations.

I have witnessed a big fight among our neighbours as the after math of back biting. I was sad , when I heard a friend is saying gossips about me to other friends..Frankly says I have involved in pleasing her by hearing all such talks.When it came against me , I learned. Nowadays I practice all religious methods to avoid such conversations.

Gossiping is always start from a wicked mind and the tongue that owns the mind spreads it. If we do not give reply or ask any questions , such personalities will move back. After two or three attempts they will stop it without much effort from our side and without hurting them. This is the very good method that I have done successfully. At the same time we can maintain a good relation with them.

The above mentioned friend stopped telling me about others and her phone calls decreased. I hope this will help some of you.

Thanks Sridhar, you always have success in choosing the appropriate topics for discussion.

Varalotti,

Sorry for using your valuable cyber space for our 'huggie girlie' postings.

Kodha,

When I was a student, we had a competition called 'Turn-about'. You are given a debateable topic to speak three minutes for and then three minutes against. When I read Vidhi's post and your reply this morning, I had memories of that again. Two posts with opposing views, yet both made sense. Both had lessons to be learnt from them.

Vidhi's post is normative, yet worth striving for. In my present philosophically imperfect form, I do not possess that equanimity. But it is something I could try to inculcate, though I am not sure what will be the results.

And Kodha, let me say, not in forced humility, but honesty, that your post also had lessons to be learnt. (Well, this is the time of the year to learn from you,uh Kodha?) You have said what needs to be said in a practical world. And accepting what is, as it is , is the first step to perfection. Very glad that I could 'paal varthufy', what are friends for?

But Kodha, am I detecting a wink and a nudge when you call me 'the great Vidya?' Cos, in this forum all greatness is arpanam to Varalotti who initiated such a potent discussion.

love
Vidya

Varalotti and induslady,
I have been reading this thread and am greatly shocked at the derogatory way of referring to Mrs. chithra as "that woman " by ikodha. I do hope in maintaing the decorum of this forum and you should not allow anybody to deeply hurt another member. I think all those who support such literature should be warned as well. I have known Chithra for over 50 years and my blood is boiling at the injustice.Do take action. Does IL not deserve Mrs Chithra Viswanathan's services?Is she nothing to us?
Regards,
Meenu