I Was Ill................

Most Gracious ILites,

Sorry for missing the Wednesday’s post. I was ill. Seriously ill. Never have I been in the recent past so ill for so long a time. Fever and cough on the one had, a debilitating body pain on the other, constricted my movements and I was confined to bed since Tuesday afternoon.

To hear somebody complaining of fever and body pain is something; to experience them first hand is something different. The great comedian Chandrababu demonstrated this difference beautifully.

In the very early days he was begging for an acting chance in Gemini studios. He was not allowed to meet the owner Mr.S.S.Vasan. After many days of trial, one day, he consumed poison in the canteen in Gemini and fainted. He was rushed to the hospital and saved. But he was also arrested and hauled up before the Magistrate.

The Magistrate asked him as to why he took that extreme decision. Chandrababu took a matchbox out of his pocket, lighted a match and placed his other hand over the flame.

“Your Honour”, he said, “from your seat you can see the light in my hand but you can never feel the pain I have in my other hand.”

Probably I was now given an opportunity to know about that pain.

Once you remove the pain part of the experience, falling sick when there are people to take care of, is a kind of pleasure. And lying in the bed doing nothing gives you great insights.

Wife falling sick is a totally different story from the husband falling sick. I am talking of couples of normally working Indian marriages. And I am talking of normal ailments like fever. I will tell you my observations.

When the wife falls sick, the husband normally gets irritated. (Of course clever husbands conceal it). Then after a while ‘Managing Wife’s sickness’ becomes item no. 12 of his long ‘To Do’ list. He would like to take her to the Doctor as early as possible. Then he gets the medicines and gives the entire pack to her to sort out for herself.

After a ‘Take Care’ hug, he then rushes to the outside world to compete the large To Do list. Comes back in the evening with a “How do you feel now, honey?”, enquires about her food intake, confirms whether she has taken the medicines as prescribed and then goes about his way. (read: sits down before the TV)

Suppose the man is ill? The wife is worried. She takes him to the Doctor and asks so many extra questions which normally would make the Doctor irritated. Once she sees her husband sick all her To Do Lists are out of the door. She does not want to go to her kitty-party, which will be between 1PM and 3PM and anyway, the husband is going to sleep during this period. No, she wont go. She will take charge of the medicine cabinet herself. And at the right time wake him up and give the correct dosage of medicines. She will peel the tablets from their covers and hand them over to him along with warm water.

In addition she prepares the right type of food for him at the appointed time. She would be by his side to ensure that he eats it and get his feedback which she will incorporate while preparing his food for the next time.
The differences go on an on….. but let me stop here.

Lying in the bed all day, doing nothing, seeing others pretty active, first gives a left out feeling. But soon the mind-body is attuned to the condition and small ailments then become wonderful windows for doing some real soul searching.

There is a good reason God sends these minor ailments our way. He wants us to feel the love others have for us.

While healthy and independent we may not feel others love so clearly as they would be like stars faintly visible in the noon. But while ill, we can see their love as clear as the light of stars on a moonless night.

Thank you ILites for your wish-me-wells and get-well-soons which I got through sms, pms and mails. One Ilite took care of me completely. Getting medicines, giving food, helping me move around; for two days I could not move without assistance. Anybody want to guess the name of that Ilite?

And here’s a piece to just lighten up your moods and make you laugh. Have a nice weekend, dear friends.
Sridhar

I was in a professional meeting when my mobile rang. A twenty something, telemarketing for a foreign bank cooed:

“Sir, we have a personal loan mela. And…”

I lost my cool, shouted at the caller and disconnected.

After the meeting one of my colleagues took me aside and gave valuable tips on attending telemarketing calls.

“Never lose your cool; make them lose theirs”, were his clinching words.

I got a chance to put this advice to use the very next day. As soon as I heard the sweet voice talking about personal loans, I told in a sweeter voice that I was the Commissioner of Police and could I do anything for her. The line went dead.

The next time I used a different line. When asked whether I would be interested in availing personal loans, I said an enthusiastic ‘yes’.
The lady on the other line got excited.

“Sir, how much loan do you want?”

“Rs.15000 crores.”

“Sir.. what..”
I told her that I am working for such and such bank (their competitor) and we could not use any thing less than that. She promptly disconnected.

Here is the transcript of the conversation of the next call:
“This is … from ….. We see that you have bought a car last week. Would you be interested in some loans on it?”
“Oh, I would love that. By the by, what’s your name?” She said something.
“How long have you been working here?”
“3 years.”
“Are you married?”
“No.”
“Are you dating some one?”
“No.”

“Do you have any plans to date?”

“Sir, why are you asking such intimate questions to me?” I was happy to see annoyance in her voice.

“See, lady, how irritated you are with just a few questions. And just imagine how irritated will I be when I get a call from a perfect stranger at the most inopportune time telling me about the car I have bought and offering something which I don’t need?”

There was a deathly silence and then a disconnection.


Now I have started looking forward to these calls. They are the ultimate tests of my creativity and histrionic talents. I passed the test in flying colours last week.

“Sir, will you be interested in some personal loans?”
“Oh, I love roses very much.”
“Sir, this is … bank calling. We are marketing loans.”
“My favourite actor? The Big B.”
“Sir, we are giving loans to professionals.”
“I love you too.”

I am eagerly waiting for the next telemarketing call

Varalotti Rengasamy

Dear Sridhar,

Sorry to hear that you were ill. Hope you are feeling much better now and all the best to you.
I am in a rush, just wanted to wish you and say you are welcome back to the site:)
Great observations from you, you sure are a champion for women's causes.

L, Kamla

hello Sridhar,

Hope you are fine and back to your normal life. Wishing you a speedy recovery. Cool writting about your experience when you were not feeling well. It shows that the writers find material to write about even normal things like geting sick.
The spice in your posting was the difference as how a man and a woman reacts to their spouse's ill-health.
I am not sure how other men are but am lucky to get a husband who pampers me to the core when I am not well by dropping the tablets down my throat, bringing my breakfast to the bed and what not.
Enjoyed reading your conversations with the telemarketers. Very true that they call up at the most irritaing time when we ladies want to take a siesta. Your call where you asked for a 15000 crores loan was just too much. Burst out laughing at that.

Hi sridhar,

Sad that u were ill! But glad to know u r fine now! The account of ur illness and the narrative that ensued, was by itself a qualifier for wednesdays with Varalotti! You were so true when u talked about the difference between sicknesses of men and of us women. Bravo!

i am rolling on the floor laughing..the last transcript was hilarious.. it must be the greatest embarassment of all times to the telemarketer. But on a serious note, they are performing their duties. It is their livelihood.

Just yesterday, when i went to a bakery to buy some bread on the way back from office, an old coolie woman, begged for some money. I pitied her condition and handed her a 5 rupee coin. Her helplessness moved me into tears and i immediately thanked God to have given my parents the comforts of life. The walk home from the bakery was a retrospect of that incident. Brooding over it, i realised that we are all beggars in a way. We all apply for loans and borrow money for constructing houses, cars or whatever. Even the very affluent borrow money for their businesses to run well. We may argue that we are paying them back; we r not begging, just borrowing. But then at that moment we run from pillar to post till we get the loan; that tantamounts to begging. The beggars may not pay us back; but the satisfaction we get when we hand them over a few cents is greater than repayment!
But apart from begging for money we also keep begging for other things like love, attention, success and many other material stuffs.

I went off track the original topic. When i read on banks and loans i was urged to recount my musings. Could not help!

Anyway, both your posts made light and good readings.

Sridhar,
Sorry to hear that you were sick. All the best for a speedy recovery..Even in a state of illness, you have given us a chance to laugh ..thanks.

Dear Sridhar,
I hope you are better now. I belong to the second category and this September I had chikun kunya. Whatever you have said about the wife falling sick happened and my hubby gives extra-he blames me for my sickness. I just shut him out of the room and slept like a log. And enjoyed the 10 day complete rest. Well, I like to be left alone when I am sick.
The sickness also has become a topic for you, isn't it? That is the ezhuthalar. Anyway, it was so nice of that ILiite to take care of you well. And being a fellow ILiite, you must remember to reciprocate, if an when the situation arises.

Sorry to hear you are sick .My prayers for a speedy recovery.
Nice and cool writing about your experience even you were not feeling well.I enjoyed reading your conversations with the tele marketers,,,ohhh still laughing .

Please take care and come back with lots of gooood stories.

love,
mohana.

Welcome back Sridhar,

Hope you are already fully recovered by now. You have made a literary piece even out of your illness. Now you are giving men a bad slack in your first post. I think todays men are more anxious if the wife falls ill. They do take good care of their wives.

The second post was hilarious. We used to get so many calls from TMs up until a few years back . now , thankfully there is a law here , regulating such calls. So we rarely get them anymore.

V

Oh Sridhar,
I forgot to mention that my hubby and colleagues follow this type of behaviour with the tele marketing people. When a TM calls and asks for a person and if he is not there, they will ask who is speaking. After 10 minutes, the same one will call, asking for the person who answered earlier by name. So they never give their names.
One of them told the TM that he has around 10 lakhs which he wants to loan out and asked her how much interest their bank would pay for that.
Another reply is, "whoever gave you my name does not know that my take home salary is only Rs.1000/-. I shall be happy to take the loan but I am not sure about the repayment".
This is a naughty one- they will say that they are not free at present. When the TM asks when they are free, they will say that they are free after 7 in the evening. I always scolds him for this reply, that is not fair.
All said, it is their job to call and they are paid for that. Sometimes, I feel sorry for such people.