The Risk - A Sequel To Warning Bells

நான் இந்த மாமியார்-மருமகள் ஆட்டத்துக்கே இல்லைப்பா !

மருமகளாகவும், மாமியாராகவும் இருந்தால்,

பாம்புன்னு தாண்டவும் முடியாது

பழுதுன்னு மிதிக்கவும் முடியாது .

இருதலைக் கொள்ளி எறும்பு தானம்மா, நாங்கள் வாழ்க்கையில் !!

அன்புடன்,
சித்ரா.

Dear Varalotti,

I thoroughly enjoyed the story "Risk" - A classic narration to puthforth - Age is no bar to achieve your dreams ! Vara is truely an amazing character and It gives happiness within to see that she has acheieved what she wanted to at her age. The highlight and the most enjoyable part of the story was the last 2 lines describing how Vara helps her "helpless" DIL at hospital. The "driving venture of MIL" which made Rekha look down upon her MIL, had been the instrument of support to her when she needed help ! What a Irony ! The last few lines could be the best of Punch line's I have ever read, I loved your story mainly for the last 2 lines ! It gives you such a therauptic effect ! ..........Vara's mindset to help her DIL despite her insensitive feelings towards her, is another incident to show that good MIL's still exist in today's time !

Well, Varalotti, reading your story, I felt like sharing this with you, I can closely relate my mother to your Vara's Character ! You know, my mother wanted to learn two wheeler while we were in college (till then , her mode of commutation was only bus!) . She had that guts to learn driving at her age, and successfully got through the test and license and around 40+ she was a brave lady to venture two-wheeler driving in the crowded , traffic irregulated streets of Chennai. An incident still remains so vivid in my mind. It was her second day after starting to drive (in her new scooty), I was sitting behind her. We were just few yards away from our home , when while taking a turn, my mom saw a speeding car coming towards her and out of nervousness, she lost balance and hit the side pavement with force and both of us fell down with the bike. Both of us had injuries and she became so frightened and emotional. Believe me varalotti, had I been in her position, I wouldn't have ventured driving again in my life, but that incident only instilled more fierceness in her to drive properly, till now she has not enjoyed anything more than her driving..(she is using two wheeler for almost a decade now), I feel ashamed to tell you that I dont know to use a scooty till now and I haven't been bold like my mother to take that risk at this young age and even now, I use only auto or bus to commute or take my mom's help to get dropped wherever I want (My mom often used to lament - "Scooty ku driver vecha mothal aal nee thaan dhi" nu) !

I am sharing this incident with you because, there are so many Vara's coming up in our soceity now, who as they grow old are coming out of their shell and taking all efforts to venture their dreams and trying to make it a reality. I needn't look outside for vara's at all, I see so many Vara's very well within our own Community to see how they have come up against all inhibitions and struggles to make their dreams come true ! Hat's off to all the "Vara's" in this indusladies community !

As far as Vara husband's reaction is concerned, I feel he is very normal. It's more out of love than the urge of supression, that made him oppose Vara's decisions, I feel.. (Unlike the Son and DIL, he understood his wife's desire deep within him and gave her that space and freedom to do what she wanted, though her safety was a point of concern for him initially, which is a natural feeling for any husband for his aging wife ! His acceptance and support to her, is enough proof, for his 25 silver years of his understanding and love for his wife ! ).

I can confidently tell you, husbands of today's world, are more supportive to their wives than how it was say 20 years back. An aritcle in latest issue of "Aval Vikatan" talks about couple of ladies who are now realising their dreams at the age of 50+ with the support of their family (mainly husbands !). This goes to prove that Times have changed !

Love,
Preethi

Dear Indhu,

I have replied, responded, reacted and have even fought with many ladies here in this forum. But while replying to you, my dear wife, I feel a little jittery. What can I write!

I am very happy that you enjoyed the story. I don't mind even if a thousand mags reject my story. So long as you accept it and find it enjoyable the story is not a rejection and the hours spent for it have not been in vain.

While I cant thank you for so many things, at least, I can thank you for your short and sweet post appreciating my work.

regards,
sridhar

Dear Sridhar

The story reads very well…an endearing theme…and I plan to imitate your “Vara” and wish to fulfill few of my unfulfilled desires, when I reach her age…and probably I will be branded as a stubborn old woman…a risk taking woman, throwing caution to winds.., or I may be perceived as a strong woman who can defy some set norms and rules..
The catch in your story about the risk taking woman is – she is past that age where her mind will be focused on her husband and young children and probably a dependent family consisting of her in-laws....then she would have viewed everything thru the lens called ‘safety’ she wouldn’t have felt the deep desire to learn riding a two wheeler when there was no necessity for her - by putting her life at risk and jeopardizing her safety. Here she is just responding to her ‘whim’ and ‘fancy’ and acting liberated. Her husband's love for her seems too cinematic..promising her to take care in case of any eventuality..or is his love too blind to see simple facts..??
Though you clothed the words from her family members in a harsh way…they are full of truth and reality.
I am still not convinced Shridhar..may be I am too old fashioned..pardon me sir..
Regards
ambika

Dear Ambika,

Thanks for those endearing words which decorate the first part of the post. Regarding your acting as a stubborn old woman, I am not sure you can do it. I know you have a soft heart and a small whisper of objection from Ananth, Rajesh or Mahesh, you will love to put your plans off. I dont blame you, Ambika, for that. You are born to be a good wife, a soft and a loving mother.

I am piqued by these words when there was no necessity for her
Let's leave two wheeler for a while and take dancing. Frankly there is no need for dancing. If dancing has the ulterior motive of getting across to the other side of the room you have more efficient and far safer ways of doing it, for instance by walking or running. But still people dance.

I have put enough words in the mouth of my heroine to say that she does not drive a two wheeler as transportation means. She just wants to ride. Period. I dont think many fiftyish women would have that desire. But my point is that once you have that desire it is better to take the risk of fulfilling it than burying it deep inside our minds and letting it come out as frustration, embitterment and other related feelings.

Yes I have put some extra dose of harshness in the words of her son and her DIL. But I need to dramatize the story and as you poets have a poetic licence, we prose writers have a prosaic licence. But her son and DIL have clearly underestimated her intelligence. She has raised a family. She has been a homemaker. She has some 30 years of married life to her credit. Will she not be intelligent enough to take the necessary precautions in driving a two-wheeler?

We cannot say that is just a fanciful whim of a fiftyyear old woman. We cannot say how deep it has been in her mind.

Risks are there everywhere, Ambika. We put our lives more at risk and jeorpadise our safety by travelling in an aircraft.

With these arguments, the defence rests, Your Honour.
sridhar

Dear Sridhar,
That was a good story , with the 50 year old mami! ( i wonder if you are trying to put all such weirdo ideas in 50 year olds...take pity on the traffic plz, which is already overcrowded with two wheelers):

Was just wondering.....a 50 year old who is so full of energy and no pains and aches...ha ha....and that too a madisaar mami...how come she is still wearing that, if she is so odern in thinking.........are there such ladies still ! and how come she did not switch to salwar......anyway she must be a sight , hope there are no traffic jams!
And a lady with such broad views, i am unable to visualise her ....well that is a little unb.....ble! And a hubby who is so modern too ! (He has asked her to decide on the gift and she does not want a diamond necklace!)Wow, you are letting us dream too much! Or is it like this now, between the indian husband and wife....was wondering!
Anyway whatever it is , there is nothing wrong in dreaming and if it all comes true, then all the better!
Thanks for showing the way....i am wondering now about zooming on a twowheeler on the autobahn!( and now it is suddenly a fashion here to drive our good old scooters, and they train you also!) but i guess madisaar is also okay ....will be a new fashion....ha ha!

Dear Sridhar,
your story brought to my mind the photo of actress Srividya in madisar, riding a scooter in Mount Road. This was in the story Madisar mami in Vikatan some 18 years ago.
And I salute Vara, for the thought that she should have the freedom to decide what she wants to do. I also feel very free when I just swish in the scooter- which my husband bought for me 6 years back after a long battle, hot and cold.
There was a write up in one of the Tamil women's mag. about this topic and the readers are encouraged to express their views- what makes a woman happy?
I would definetly say that the freedom to take her decisions makes a woman happy.
My elder sister feels envious of me when she sees me riding the scooter around Chennai, braving the heavy traffic.
So hats off to Vara and her like (future Varas also).

Dear Preethi,

I am very happy and even proud that you like this story. Like you, there is another Preethi's mother who virtually did the same thing. You know I am now referring to my daughter Preethi's mother.

When she was in the same age as your mother (give or take a few years) she wanted to drive a scooty. And I typically like Vara's husband first shouted at her. But and like Vara's husband too I slowly understood her, the depth of her feelings and what it means to her.

Let me make one point clear here, Preethi. When a fortyish woman like your mother or my Preethi's mother, wants to drive a two-wheeler, it is just a symptomatic desire. I think you would have heard of doctors treating the symptoms instead of investigating deep into their causes. For instance a person having fever might just be given paracetamol; but if fever is just an symptom?

This I understood after observing my wife for sometime. Scooty to her meant, a freedom, a kind of independence and finally a kind of exhilaration that it brought with it. Agreed driving a two-wheeler is risky. But you can minimise the risks. For instance my wife will not drive beyond North Madurai. To go to the busy town would mean a greater risk; but there is no point in taking that risk.

Regarding accidents, yes my wie had one 3 years earlier. She sustained minor injuries and the vehicle sustained major ones. But after taking a break of 15 days she started driving again.

I have been driving a car for almost 20 years now. I have had a bad accident 8 years ago when a lorry jumped the signal and hit me head on. I was almost stationery. Thankfully the lorry driver swerved the vehicle to the extreme left. Even if he had swerved a few degrees less, I would not have lived to write about the incident. But that doesn't mean that I should not drive a car any more.

Let's take the case of an air crash. Yes, it is disastrous. Many people lose their lives. But tell me, how does the airline transport the near and dear of the victims to the crash site? Again by air. Not by bus or train.

I am now standing in my seat ( you could have seen me if you had used a web cam) to salute your mother for her courage. And I owe a similar salute to my wife as well.

Women like Vara will never age. They will live till the last moment of their lives.

I want to say it again. I am very happy and proud to see you supporting Vara.
regards,
Varalotti

Dear Sudha,
A senior writer once advised me that a writer should never stop projecting the ideal situation. The reality might be so low, so painful, so mean and that does not mean that the writer should also drop down to that level; for then a story and a newspaper report would read the same.
Many of my characters are ideals. You might not see them. But I want them atleast to live in the minds of people.
Sudha, promise me you wont tell any one, I will share a secret with you.
People and especially women, if they have their deep rooted desires fufilled their health will be perfectly all right. Supressing their innermost desires for an outwardly peaceful living has given a lot of health complications to men.

Let me just supplement your wonderful words:
you have written:
Anyway whatever it is , there is nothing wrong in dreaming and if it all comes true, then all the better!
and I would have the words as

Anyway whatever it is , there is nothing wrong in dreaming and if it all comes true, then all the better! And even if it does not come true, it is better to have dreamed and lost than not to have dreamt at all.
Tell me when are you going to that feat - of riding a classic German scooter in the Autobahn, fully clad in madisar. We will plan our visit that time and have it recorded in the video for the benefit of ILites. ha ha ha.

Thanks for understanding Varalotti's Vara.
regards,
sridhar

Dear Varloo,
I also remember that story. The cover picture of that issue was Srividya driving a Kinetic Honda (at that time scooty had not come) in Mount Road. The picture is acid-etched in my mind.

A two-wheeler, as I have been repeatedly telling the ILites here is not just a two-wheeler but a symbol of freedom.

In those days whe had kept the women confined to their homes. They could not go out unless properly chaproned either by the father, husband, the brother or the son. But with a two wheeler she can go out on her own any time.
Not only that Varloo, a husband buying a two-wheeler for his wife makes a statement - a statement of total trust and confidence.

The act of buying a two-wheeler for his wife tells her, "Honey, I have absolute confidence you. That is why I am giving you a perfect freedom of movement. I am very sure that you will not abuse this freedom."

I think compared to the preciousness of a statement like this, the risk taken by a woman rider is miniscule.

I am happy Varloo that you not only resemble Vara in your name but also share her feelings and emotions.

All the best,
take care,
regards,
sridhar