In A Way I'm Like The Super Star!

“Varalotti, I knew something like this would come some day. You have thrown even your false modesty to winds!”

“Sridhar, you have a larger than life size ego. I pity your wife.”

“You are right, Varalotti! In terms of age, you are like our super star. Happy now?”

Possible responses! Understandable reactions! My dear, dear GFs, please don’t jump to conclusions, at least when the matter concerns your truly! Now read on!

I love Rajnikanth; I love the person more than the actor. I love the way he lives more than the way he acts. Have you seen our superstar when he attends functions?


Be it a Film Awards function, or a mere felicitation function, he comes as he is – showing his full age, with unshaven grey hair on his face, scanty hair on his head, sacred ash smeared all over his forehead, dressed in a loose-fitting white shirt or jibba, sans make-up, sans pretensions.


On the sets, on the silver screen his appearance is totally different, fully made-up, with the right wigs, colourful dresses, the usual paraphernalia which has endeared him to millions of his dear fans.

But while attending a function he leaves his wigs, make-up, his pretensions at the sets and comes as a real person. And more than that he never attempts to hide what he really is. In 1996 he was traveling from the US to India. A journalist on the flight wanted to interview him.


Our dear hero was holding a bottle of his favourite whiskey in his hand. The reporter, a young woman, told the star, ‘Can you please keep the bottle aside? I want to take a picture.”

“Let the bottle also come in the picture. Why should I pretend what I am not?”

I fell in love with the man that very moment. And from then on to shake off my pretensions has been my ideal. But to me, a much ordinary mortal, it appears that process will take a lot of time, a lot of lifetimes even.

One such attempt for me is IL. I feel IL is my home because this is a place I want to be my relaxed, real self. My professional life, even my social life is different, way different from my IL life.


There I pretend to be good when I am bad; and at times I even pretend to be bad when I am good. Those are just methods of survival, or mere force of habit.

My world of writing is completely different. There I project the ideal – the most loving hero, the most honest man, ideal friends, ideal children .. As I told in the epilogue to HE, as a writer I want that condition to come true, not immediately, at least a thousand yugas from now.

I have been mistaken for my writings. There are hundreds of gullible fans who think that I am as good as my heroes – sincere, loving, honest and good to all.


It’s high time I issue a strong denial. It’s high time that I dispel all these baseless rumours. I am not a good person, at least not as good as my heroes. I am not surely as loving as I project my heroes in my stories to be.


When my oft-quoted, much-published story The Promise, the story that dragged me into this community was first published in Tamil in 2000, my own sister told me, “Sridhar, those who read the story might think that you are as loving a father as the father-character in the story. Please realize that you are not.” I was stung, but it was true.

I am not as loving as most of my characters. I am not a villain though! Many times my prayer to Her is, ‘Make me to love more!” Occasionally She grants my prayer too. And this thread is to explain one such incident.

I, my wife and my daughter were going to Chennai by Vaigai Express a few days back. Right from the start the journey was pleasant. My wife and my daughter were seated in a row of two seats and I was occupying a seat across the aisle.


Apart from eating whatever that came our way, we were doing the things we loved to do. My daughter was with her i-pod. My wife was listening to the FM radio on her cell phone. I had Richard Bach (Curious Lives) and Nammazhwar for company.

When the train stopped in Dindigul an old couple got in. They had quite a lot of baggage. The luggage rack was full. The man wanted to place his bags my by side and by my wife’s side. I strongly objected. We started fighting with each other.


I was surprised at the hatred I was carrying within. I could have objected to his act and kept quiet. But I was fighting with him like a school boy. He was offended and kept his baggage on the way. Of course that did not disturb us at all. We could still move freely.

The train resumed its journey. But I could not resume my reading. Nammazhwar and Richard Bach sternly refused to be with me. I felt very bad. I was sure what I did was a bad thing.


People mistakenly think that if you do something bad you get punished afterwards. But the truth is doing a bad act in itself is a punishment. Similarly doing a good act is in itself its reward.

I had lost my peace of mind. I looked at the man whom I fought with. He was sleeping. I thought of waking him up and apologizing to him for my rude behaviour. But I was too proud for that.

But I was in a deadlock, in a stalemate, and was going to miss my precious minutes with Bach and the Azhwar. What was I going to do? I started to pray.


‘My God, what I did was wrong. Give me one last chance to correct myself. Make me more loving. Give a billionth of your love to me. Give me the moral courage to apologize to that man. Or do something that I might right the wrong I did to him. This is hell, My Lord. Please save me.’

When you ask for material favours, SHE takes her own time to grant your prayers. But when you ask for more love, SHE gives it just like that.

Vaigai steamed into Tiruchirapalli Junction. The old man was still sleeping. Many passengers got down at the station. I found that the luggage rack now had enough space. God had answered my prayers.

I stood up and went to the old man I fought with. He was still sleeping. I bent down and woke him up. He was shocked to see my face so close. He might have thought that I had come to resume my fight.

I smiled at him and told him that there are vacant places in the luggage rack.

“Can I place your bags there?”

His smile was larger than mine. He was as much affected by my lack of love as I was.

“Oh, please, sir. Be careful the bags are heavy.”

“Never mind. I’ll take care.”

I lifted the heavy bags and placed them on the overhead rack. Believe me they were very heavy, but not as heavy as my load of sins.

I came to my seat. The train started. Nammazhwar was waiting for me to open the book. And so was Richard Bach. But I had learnt something very precious outside these great authors. Thank God!

Dear Sridhar,
Well, you disappointed me !
On reading the title, I thought somebody recognised you on the train, heaped praises on you knowing the most famous Varalotti from Madurai & offered to treat you with thavala vadai, sudana poli, bun-butter-jam, bread-omelette, tomato soup, hot hot masal dosai etc etc at their cost!
Oh, so, you want us to know that you proved to be a good Samaritan !!
Love,
Chithra.

Dear Varalotti Sir,

This is my first ever feedback to ur Post, i do keep reading all ur Posts but since i was sacred i would not be able to put my words as correct as u do.

Personally i feel Repenting on our wrong deeds is the greatest Punishment in itself, And accepting and correcting it requires Large heart and big Mind isn't it.....

Kudos to u sir...!!! U r indeed like a Super Star...

cheers
vaidehi

Dear Sridhar sir,

It is like " Kutramulla nenju kurukurunu...". Just kidding!

Very true sridhar,
sometime in life the little irritation can become a bone of contention and take away our peace for good or until u have a chance to repay in a way or other, it is good to know you doing that and sharing here is a herculean task i must say..anyway u got your peace and now that is a great relief..sunkan

Dear Sridhar,

I was expecting a la Rajnikanth movie here and it turn out to be a .............But did you notice one common thing abt Rajni & yourself............... lot of female fan following....including the great Lalitha...... Idhu koncha over aydhu illai.......... before I was not a fan of Rajini but from past few years I have started liking the person rather the actor and the same with you I have also become a fan of Varalotti & Sridhar.

Coming to the thread, it is natural we can understand what you potray in your stories and what you are, are going to be different. Because you are a human being with all vasanas and the hero is an ideal. Hence we do make mistakes in our day today life but correcting our mistakes is an opprtunity to serve HER which you have done very gracefully. Kudos Sridhar.

An after thought...............indha thread koncham SWkku pottiya ille ?

Dear Sridhar,

As a layperson reader who has been following your work for over a year, allow me to say that this innocuous piece is one of your best ever. And it seems that you have written to please yourself. I am wondering how I should describe this post and 'educative' is the best word that comes to mind.

I too am an unabashed fan of the Superstar. So besotted a fan, that I too made cashew payasam(Rajni's favourite) as my favourite. Probably, the best offshoot is that in becoming a Rajni fan, I became a RaghavendraSwami devotee. So, I am very happy to read that our Superstar is a man sans pretensions. Very often in life, we come to grief trying to portray a face, a virtuous face that is not our real one. Life would be less complex and complete, if we just tried to be what we are. Try to be 'wysiwyg' persons, persons who are what you see is what you get.

We all have our moments of sanguine grace and snarky sarcasm. And these emotions mainly come to play in crowded spaces like trains, movie halls etc. And easily enough, often in life, we react impulsively to a wrong or discomfort, like you reacted to the passenger placing the bags by your side. We may not be wrong in protesting, we may be well within our rights, but still we could just bend a little, not break a lot, and yield. But we don't. However, what is most redeeming in your short temper was that it was short lived. A few calm moments of introspection and you accepted that the situation could have been handled differently. And when you want to restore the emotional tranquillity, I have always felt that the universe rushes in to fill that need.

I liked this piece. You have not spoken of 'unconditional love' nor have you have not taken us to realms of philosophical acceptance. You have shown us that evil and good (in various degrees) lurk in all of us. Accepting that and working on strengthening the 'good' is probably the best path to becoming an good man. The best lessons in life may not come from Nammazhwar and Richard Bach, but can be found within ourselves. Maybe, it is not given to all to become a Purushottama, but we can all strive to become Uttama Purushas.

Good going, Varalotti!!

regards
V24

Dear varalotti sir,
As vidya mam said,I too repeat the same words.Please bear with me for saying that this is the best and interesting from the few pieces I have read.Actually when I put the words best and interesting,it may sound that it was a usual formal speech generally people speak about.But I have described it as interesting because when we express our feelings and share our experiences in writing, it is the most powerful and worthy of all.This is my personal opinion.
Stepping back,I too admire rajni as a man than as an actor.When many tried to imitate him ,struggled and worked hard to succeed like him,they failed.Is it because of the fact that they could not match his talents or Intelligence?? Not at all. We must be as we are.This is the strong reason behind his success and behind every successful person.
I repeat your words
People mistakenly think that if you do something bad you get punished afterwards. But the truth is doing a bad act in itself is a punishment. Similarly doing a good act is in itself its reward.

The lines are great,wonderful ,excellent(Anymore words in the dictionary) Sir,adichalum nethi adi adicheenga.
Added to it many say that when we realize our mistakes our punishments are halved. Going a step ahead, you personally felt that you will feel satisfied and peaceful when convey your apologies to your neighbor in the train.You did that by your activities.Generally having arguments,fights on seats &luggage with passengers is a normal issue.But still it has disturbed you to the extent of responding to him.You have proved you are different because generally many don’t possess that broadmindedness.
To Err is human;To forgive is divine.No man was born great.One who repents for his actions and correct them make him great.So you are. In that way rajni & you are alike.Rajni matched your qualities or vice versa.

Our personal life is always different from professional life.You have conveyed this irony of life .In the bottomline you insisted that you are a normal person apart from other things in life .Hence we all can commit mistakes.You have immediately recognized and apologized. That is it.Experience teaches more, than education . So you have taught us more than what nammazhwar and bach can do.