Plz help - need advice

gaurimahajan · Dec 14, 2014

Hi,
My situation is a bit complex and I need some advice on returning to india.
I am in US for last 6 yrs with husband and 2 kids (1,5) but as don't have any relatives in US so we feel lonely here.

My in-laws are divorcee and don't stay with each other and there is none to take care of them as my husband is only son. I can't stay with in-laws as we don't go along well. Its impossible to stay with in-laws. Though we will go back we have to stay in same city but different homes. My husband then need to look after three different places (MIL, FIL and me). My MIL doesn't talk with me so me or kids will not go to meet her.
Because of in-laws issue we wanted to stay here in US but we don't have any relatives here and no one can visit us from india. So looking at long term future, we will be lonely here.

But my side of family is good and I miss my brother and sister very much who are in India.
I want to go back but worried about issues due to my in-laws. I am very frustrated and looking for some advice to stay in US or go back to India.
What will be better for kids in this situation?

Thanks,
Gauri

praveen777 · Dec 16, 2014

i fell bad mam..bt once tink about your kids and after do it...werer you go u bter to take with u

yellowmango · Dec 16, 2014

How are the in laws managing right now? Who takes care of them?
Why can't it remain the same even if you return.You both can be additional help in need.

If that doesn't work out...then you might need to invest in homes together(either rental or owned). A two bedroom apartment for you with two studio apartments(or single room dwellings) close by for them. You could have food sent to them. They could stay over sometimes on rotation.Similarly the grandkids could take turns visiting them.

Tough...but can be done.

gaurimahajan · Dec 18, 2014

Thanks for your replies.
Currently In laws are living separate and managing on their own. They both have weird nature so no body gets along with them. Everyone tried to told them to live together at least at this age but my MIL is not at all ready.
If we go back MIL will definitely create emotional drama and everyone knows that.
She is even not ready to move in another city so we have to live in the same city.
So just because of her we have to live in US and this is making me really frustrated

sanjuruby3 · Dec 19, 2014

One positive thing in your case is: you do not have to live with them which gives you independence.
After living in US, it gets difficult to live with in-laws.
If they are living-in, we have to cook, clean, etc..just like all the other members of family. We do get lot of benefits in turn.

By taking care of them, means how much you have to do? Food, cooking, cleaning everyday? Do you have to visit both of them every single day?

I do not think so. May be once a week or after few days. If this is the case, it is good as you said you feel lonely here so having someone to visit to is good.

You can leave your kids to them for having alone couple time or movie night or travel to parents for while.
If your problem is them not-living together, they can not move in together, because you are having problems or frustrated at the thought of taking care of them. Think about them, there might be some big reasons for this.

If it were my parents separated (for some may be genuine reasons), I would nt ask your mom to live with dad because I can not take care of her and dad.
And would think I am going to live in US, because of you.

Days when everyone is dying to come to US, for work experience, or to see another country making in-laws separation as reason .... Given a chance no one leaves it.