My name is Nalini and i migrated to Australia in 1992 in spite of myhusband having agood job in india, with the hope of having better life here with my only son. i have realised how diffiult it is to settle in a new country and how much of stress and mental depression it causes to be in a new country and the amount of adjustments we have tomake to fit into anew country.my poor son too underwent alot and finally he is an engineer placed high, married to an indian girl with a daughter.i and my husband are getting old, at moment we are fit and so my husband still works and we sometimes think we should go back and settle in an old age home in india. The reason is that if we become sick or in valid and we are put in an old age home here in Australia,we cannot get the emotional support we need, or have relatives visiting, or hearing familiar surroundings or see people of our orgin around us and even food we cannot have what we are used to. it is a worry, i want suggestion on whether it is a good idea to go and have our old age in India or here in australia where our only hope is that our son will visit us once in a while Nalini
Dear Nalini, This has to be solely yours and your husbands decision only. Apart from the culture and the surroundings and food, in India too you cannot expect people will keep visiting you. Because in India today people are not what they use to be. Life here has become fast paced. We have no time for anything. You must sit and discuss with your Son what plans he has for you. Then decide. Regards Uma
Dear Nalini, My apologies for having not seeing your post early. Hope you are still in the process of taking a decision. We had thesame dilemma. We want toshare some of the basic questions, in any one in this situation shouldconsider. These questions may have different weightage and priorities accordingto your immediate and extended family circumstances. Both of you may answer these questionsobjectively and clearly without emotions, independently in writing. Take adecision individually. Thenexchange the answers and the decision with your husband. The answers to these questions may bedifferent for different parents. Those answers may help you to arrive at adecision. The answers to these questions will comfort you later if yourdecision goes wrong. Or may help you justify your action to yourself and nearand dear ones. Ensure while explaining and implementing the decision, you do itwith dignity and maturity without hurting any body’s feelings. 1. Do you feel wanted by at least one ofyour sons AND his wife? Yes /No/Not sure 2. Does your love for your son issufficient to justify the pain of living alone in Australia not expectinganything in return from your son? 3. Will they go through with tolerancethe emotional and physical burden, you will be for them in the near future even ifyou may not be a financial burden? 4. Can each of you live independentlytill last in Australia? 5. Can one of you live with peace withthem in case of need? 6. Is that love sufficiently deep, not tomake you long for “your people, land, culture memories and relationships?”. 7. What exactly the type of life youwill lead alone in India? (Daily routine, periodical and long term life). 8. Do you have enough financialresources for at least 20 years of life in India? (You can consider reversemortgage of any property/assets you have either here or in India). 9. Do you have sufficient emotional andsocial supports in India?. 10.Haveyou planned your health requirements in India? 11.Canyour body and mind accept the weather conditions in India after such a long stay inAustralia?Do not influenceeach other in making this decision. Probably you and your husbandmay have sufficient love for each other to sacrifice if need be and acceptother’s decision. But that is between you both. ONCE YOUTAKE A DECISION AND IMPLEMENT NEVER THINK OF THE PAST AND LOOK FORWARD TO AHAPPY FUTURE JOINTLY, COME WHAT MAY! (“Enni thuniga karumam, thuninthapinennuum enbathu ilukku”- Thiruvalluvar). Never tell after implementing the decision, “Ithought so earlier, I told you so earlier.....etc etc. Enjoy a happy second life with confidence andlove!.
I agree what umaakumar & suryakala said , I have gone to India for four years after living in U.S. for a decade. I just came back to U.S. for second time to support our kids as they are still in college... Even me & my husband plan to go back after we retire in U.S. .....So, I am tempted to give my perspective .... I have seen both worlds , I have some neighbors who retired in U.S. went back to India...... with reasons like : 1. Life is boring after retirement in U.S. ( their grand kids also grown up & no need of grand parents baby sitting) 2. wanting to spend rest of life in India with relatives.. 3. Thinking they can hire domestic help like cook , maid, driver .... I can give you first hand experience , what I have seen ... 1. They were not in old age home. They are living in a gated comminity where there are 95% R2I families living ... 2. They were able to hire cook , maid, driver .. ( actually they are enjoying all Indian food ) 3. They typically avoid winter time in U.S. Nov- April they live in India.. May - Oct visit U.S. to see grand kids.. 4. They visit native village , engage in volunteering neighbors \ relatives ... 5. When their grand kids come to India during Christmus break , they have a blast , like they go to places like Goa, Kerala, Rajastan etc..of couse piligrimage trips..weddings , taking walks in our complex.... 6. They have a big circle of relatives in India... I can not tell you about R2I's old age home experience , but I know one of our uncle who is not NRI, he goes & lives in old age home half of the month, because he thinks his children & wife are not treating him with respect due to his retirement ... I heard that's actually not a old age home , it's like senior citizens hostel type set up...he likes it there, as a hideaway from his family..he gets his own room for Rs.2000 with TV & food extra ... So, it all depends on which type of living setting you would want ..... 1. You want to live in a gated community with the help of driver , maids & cook ... 2. You want to live in a Senior citizens hostel , leaving all labor handling to the maintanance .... My MIl is bedridden , we have two shift nurses to take care at her own home where she has been living since my FIl built the house .. her children don't dare to send her old age home , as they feel guilty.. But, nurses keep switching every 3 to 4 months , because my MIL annoys them ...that's all together an other story.... You have to rain gifts \ bakshid \ tips to maids & drivers , they are not happy with salary alone .... We used to pay our driver 10,000 , maid 4,000, cook (part time) two hours a day 3000, full time live in cook 5000 plus room ..and bonus when they complete year 10,000.... If you plan all these , you can switch between Australia & India .....as long as you are physically doing good.. When you are no longer able to travel , let your son visit you guys in India..... I have an other uncle , after aunty passed away , ihe was ailing with diabetis , his three children were in U.S. they could not go back... He couldn't walk in his last days , the children in U.S. hired a male care taker, put him in a rental house near his niece house , who would supervise the maid ... It all depends on : 1. How we nurture our relatives & also how helpful they are .... 2. The setting we prefer 3. Financial resources ( since your husband is still working , you shouldn't be worried about retirement benefits ) 4. Availability of manpower in the city you retire in India , sending elderly person to old age home is still a taboo , so , we don't see many upper class or rich children attempt to send them to old age.... rather they hire home care takers and leave parents in their own home while children work in metros \ abroad ... I know some very rich relatives , who even register agricultural land on the name of maids & cooks..so , they will not leave parents for ever.... Sorry if it's too long..... Goodluck ....
