Scapegoats of narcissistic parents!

Not the golden child huh? Hugs to you.

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Bumping your thread.

 

Roopa,il is a small window to the outside world. we would rather be closet cursers rather than vent, deal with anger, denial on sensitive issues. we come from the country were moms are considered greater than god.

I would not post anything here, that I would not want my kids to read. but for me i have learnt to move on and look forward to life rather than think of myself as a scape goat. every experience comes with a price and a prize. I would love to think that this was the price i had to pay for the prize of being a better parent..(think so until my kids say otherwise..)

you need to heal, and you can heal yourself, forgive and move forward. no other's experiences or incidents are really going to help you.


Maybe you can check out this website. Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

 

It is a proven fact that the codependent golden child ultimately suffers and the scape goat emerges stronger in life. That is good news right?.

Focus only on things that need focus and very carefully avoid the baits that will drag you into the cess pool of emotional drama again and again.

 

Well roopa, this forum has always said walk out of your loveless, abusive husband even in-laws. there has been very few who have raised above and said enough is enough, you have done enough for your manipulative parents or your emotionally abusive mom. get out of that relationship and live. that is what i meant. you can check out any of my posts dealing with narcissistic parents, and you would find out i have always said moms can be bad, abusive. but there is a part of our society that believes even if she is a devil, she is a mom. that is what pained me then and pains me still.

OH! love. I definitely understood what your intentions are from the first post, but i have a principle, never talk ill of people who cannot defend themselves. in my case they cannot. and i would not want my kids to read something that i write against what i have taught them.if i were ashamed of my kids reading something about me, i would never post anything here. And my husband and kids are very proud of who i am, in-spite of being through so much.

I only discussed my pov. at 40+ and with teenage kids, life looks different from when i was 20. so a level of understanding about why they were so has given me a better insight. just because somebody is np, you don't need to lose your respect dear. love is something that you may deserve, but has to come to you without asking or expecting is my thought process. I believe i love my kids because i want to, if they don't love me back, it is fine because they never asked me to and just because i have been ripped open, hurt, abused does not mean i should close myself. Respect yourself. never look at yourself as somebody who deserved more, but got less, and learn to value yourself. you are what you are because of your exposures and experiences. and i am sure you will be a better parent, because you had the taste of how not to be.

my experiences as a mother, has been, whenever i find myself behaving out of line, i take time out and think about what i do, and if i need i take the help of my husband.

I know it is hard to forgive, but you don't need to forget, but forgiving them, is for yourself roopa and not for them. the best gift you give yourself is forgiving them. it may feel like a sermon, or a quote out of a book, but to heal yourself, you need to first forgive them. and even forgive yourself, from feeling why did I not have the strength to stand up against it, why did i not recognize that it was not ME, who had issues, it was THEM.

Do write your experience, maybe we will see how best we can help you. i am sure there are few who have been through narcissistic relationships.

 

Hugs shanvy. Actually roopa, please google 'experice project'. Helpful website. I remember reading that kids of np deal with a lot of guilt too.

Here is one thread http://www.indusladies.com/forums/r...-and-siblings/146556-narcissistic-mother.html in IL that might help you.

 

Hey anita no yaar..i am fine, stronger, never say die, role model parent among-st our group of friends. i have raised above the trauma and have not bent to the power of toxicity in relationship.

not really in need of hugs, but i am a person who hugs all my friends,so accepted and hug back to you.