A different kind of issue...

psych · Jun 21, 2010

hi its me again! The previous posts by fellow ilites have helped me tremoundously! I followed the advise given by FoundLove and it has brought improvement. DH is little bit more on my side and is asking me for advise on how to solve his parents issue. Lil background - DHs father is a self proclaimed politician who spent all his money on polictics. mother works and sis is divorced twice with a kid from first marriage and doesnt want to work. DHs mother first started complaining abt money and he started sending her money monthly. When DH asked his father, his father said that hes the one whos taking care of family expense. So DH's mom probably exagerated or lied - dont know which one. Apparantly there is no monetary issue. now dh's mom keeps complaining that dhs father is drinking way too much and doing all kinds of stuff for others - like giving money to others, wrting false documents for others claiming that they live in his house etc. his mother keeps complaing abt his father. his father has been like this for a long time but it seems that this increased after he came to visit US. DH is seeking my advise on how to solve the problem. Can anyone help? I dont know if you can fix this type of issue. DH is worried that he may write the deeds to the house to someoneelse if they ask him. His mom also tends to exagerate!. Can someone advise on how to approach this issue?

much appreciate it!

lotusgirl · Jun 21, 2010

Any chance your DH could make a trip there and get to know how things are for real? If his dad is bent upon writing off stuff to others, i dont think theres much you guys can do staying so far off.. esp since i get the impression hes not an easy person to reason with??
Maybe after getting there, your DH/you can assess the situation and see how muchn truth is there in what his mum says...
I guess theres no easy or straight way out in such a case!!

psych · Jun 21, 2010

Thats what I suggested. But he is thinking what would he get to know? And even if he does then they will behave till hes there and then once hes bak here they will continue the same behaviour. Hes thinking that if his father comes to US and lives with us then he wont be able to create issues in India. But his father is a lottt of work. Wont eat leftovers, constant complaint and i have lil boy to take care of too. I cant handle all of them at once. i work as well.

lotusgirl · Jun 22, 2010

anyways it looks like both of you want to resolve this somehow.. i saw ur DH's post.. i am taking the liberty to assume its him cause the issue is exactly same word for word..
take a look at his post if you havent yet...

i do agree bringing his father over will not solve the issue.. its not just becuase hes going to cause you extra work in the kithcen, but becos thats not the right way out.. as suggested, its best if he can check out how things are at home directly and also get the whole pic from his mum too..
got to go now.. but will try and come & add some more.-.

psych · Jun 23, 2010

yea - theres not much you can do about this situation. Except tell his father to restrict himself.

psych · Jun 28, 2010

Update - we talked to FIL. And he said that the whole drinking fight was started by his daughter. He is claiming that he didnt drink and start fights. he said he is still paying bills and that the money we send home to his mother never gets spent on bills. the MIL apparantly is saving all the money. But come school time MIL complains about school fees and costs of uniform, supplies etc. and then requests us to send books, uniform from here (for DH's niece). DH already said that its not available in the US. this never ending demand of money and responsibilities - how do i curtail it w/o hurting DH?