Doubtful behaviour of Father in law

Hello all IL'ites,

Wen i read this thread, i was sure i had to put in and share my experience with u all ladies. This happend with me too. I have been married since 7 months. My FIL liked me in the first instance itself wen my husband introduced me to his parents. Since ours is an inter-caste love marriage, i was happy that his parents had accepted me. I have both MIL and FIL in the family. After marriage, my husband left within a month since he was working here in saudi. I had to wait for my visa so i was staying with my MIL and FIL. Although my FIL is a very nice man. He doesnt even enter our bedroom without calling out our names. And he rarely enters our bedroom but only wen he has some work. But after my husband left, and wen my MIL would be in the bathroom, and wen i would be alone with him in the drawing room or i would be in the kitchen, he would come to me and tell me that he likes me very much as a DIL, that im a very nice girl, etc. He would come and hold me and kiss me on my cheeks. Now im sure he did this as a fatherly affection. But since i havent had such closeness even with my own father, i was very much embarassed. I didnt know wat to do, whom to talk this to??? And its not like he would do it everyday, only on some occassions but still i started feeling awkward. I started to stay away from him, i wouldnt talk to him much, and especially i would stay in my bedroom specially wenever my MIL wasnt at home. He noticed all this and asked why i was behaving like this. That time i told him that i was not comfortable with his holding me and kissing me even on my cheeks. He was very understanding and immediately he stopped doing all that.

So i would just advise the person in this situation is to keep away from ur FIL, always close ur doors wen ur alone in ur bedroom, talk to him only wen necessary, and make him realise indirectly that u dont like his being physically close to u. And still if he does not change his behaviour, then simply tell him on face. And dont put this off thinking that he will change, but act immediately. I hope my experience will help in coming out of the situation.

Regards,
Geeta.

Hi,

Are there any cases that DILs also like closeness of FILs for various reasons?

Originally Posted by arch174

hi friends,
thanx everbody for taking keen interest in promptly replying
keep it coming becoz this is THE place to vent ur steam
MYself,I was a victim of sexual abuse when I was 4-5 yrs old which I have not told anyone publicly
My parents are too old to be told now ,earlier I put all blame on my ownself
other parents shouldn learn a bitter lesson fron my exp becoz such things stay in the system for lifetime.
I have got the strength from GOD to forgive & forget but not everbody is so lucky...pl parents dont trust anybody except urself

Sorry to hear that,

But that was happened due to some near relations or close friends?

hmm...thats seriously sad thing.
I wish you get strength. I myself havenot experienced anything like that. But I would like to point here, that my mother took the initiative to tell us all about unwelcome touch when we were 4 or 5. So i would say parents need to raise consciousness in kids and they should always inform kid how to handle it. Bcos no matter how much you try to keep vigil , there will be others near kids ..be it school day care. or anything.

Originally Posted by arch174

hi Ria,
i agree with u..but in India houses r so full of people esp uncles who may be extremely friendly..some of them come in shapes of elder cousins who use thieir younger sisters for masterbation kicks..mothers r overworked & not to be blamed
some patents have hand full with work,children so they r not aware
it happens everwhere
I wish everbody has an innocent childhood & not grow up before time

There are cases that girls are subjected to seduction,molestation by own father or brother

Hi ladies,

One of my friends had to go through a tough marriage that eventually failed.

After her marriage she lived with her MIL and BIL till she got a visa to join her husband who was working in the middle east. Her BIL was jobless and was a year or so older than her. He would walk into her room without knocking or asking whether he could come in. He would insist on folding her clothes that she had left to dry in the laundry line. The reason being that he would fondle her under garments. The stupid MIL would proudly tell people that her second son is so good that he folds his SIL's clothes! My friend would tell us of how the guy spent hours in folding her clothes in the cupboard, almost everyday. When she was sleeping alone in the room, he would walk into the room in the pretext of cleaning the room and would keep dusting the bed and the fan, maybe to wake her up. She was afraid of sharing this with her husband and would only share this with her friends.

Her MIL was also wierd. She would insist on sleeping in the same bed with her son and DIL and would behave like a child if she was not allowed to sleep with them. When things got worse for her, she had to go for divorce. However, she later got married to a nice person.

Originally Posted by nivedi

Hi ladies,

. Her BIL was jobless and was a year or so older than her. He would walk into her room without knocking or asking whether he could come in. He would insist on folding her clothes that she had left to dry in the laundry line. The reason being that he would fondle her under garments. .
.

Male members of the family are desirous of smelling under garments of the girls/ladies in the family in many cases.They get a type of pleasure in it. When ladies are no there in the house, they touch & press the bras and panties of the ladies.

Our Indian films also show such instances

Hi Kavita,

Its a sad instance that your friend is going thru.

This is not a lone incidence. There are many like her today who are facing such situations.

Since the MIL is not around, seeing a female in house might also be arousing her FIL's physical desires so he is making such advances at his DIL. If her husband is really attached to his father since no one else is around then he may not take to this easily even though his wife confides in him. So your friend will have to be very tactful. Having a full time maid in the house will only serve the purpose if the maid is really aged...becoz if the maid is young then there are chances the FIL can make advances at her too when she is alone.

- Or she should look out for a lady who will be with her night & day when her husband is on tour and when he is in town she can go at night to her own family.

- While at home if possible keep all the doors & windows open so if at all anything happens her voice can reach out.

- make friends with the neighbouring ladies so they can drop in or vice versa.
if they are good there is a posiibility of confiding in someone, also if the FIL's nature/gestures are suspicious then she will get some hint from the neighbours or other relatives around. If there are no youngsters of her age let her befriend the old ladies mayb she might find someone from that lot who can come & spend the night with her when her husband is not around. or can send their neice or daughter to give her company.

- At night remember to lock the room from inside and cover the keyhole. Also if possible keep a phone closer to you.

- if she has a brother who is studying then he can take admission in this city and live with her on the pretext of education or if her husband has any nieces or cousin sisters who can come and live with her and do their education as well.

- Also as someone has suggested she should try to avoid all physical touch as much as possible so serving tea & breakfast could be on the dining table or use a side table and put it there instead of giving it in the hand. During lunch/dinner time too serve the food and then call so she is not in close proximity with her FIL.

the above has worked for quite a few of them whom i know. All the best to your friend and tell her to be courageous to stand up against all ill-will. I am sure all the ilites are with her.

Warm regards
Roopa.

Hi all,

What I stated in my posting have happened few months back. Recently when I again called my friend and talked to her the situation is now totally different.

Now she is more or less "cooperative" with her FIL. I asked her why?

She says that it is due to different reasons. her FIL's big power and her husband's less interest in her on every thing including sexual realtions.

She described all the events which have ultimetely lead her to share bed with her FIL.

Since in this public forum I can not state every thing, if any of the members desire to know all such events, they can pl pm me or mail me.

Thats really disgusting, I have been a silent reader of this forum and pitied ur friend. But unfortunately I am even ashamed to read what she is doing now. Instead of fighting back for her self-respect she is going thr' with it..

Please put some sense into her head. I may be harsh but thats the truth.