[pridelady]

in india we live with our in-laws. some bahu's are happy with their behaviour and some are not and vice versa if we see in-laws' point of view. In western culture they live saperate wtih their spouses.......in some cases both sides are happy......in other cases both are not. so i just want to discuss which culture is better in above discussed metter. in my view western is better bcoz in india most of the bahu's suffer not anybody else.

[rosegirl]

Western culture is best for in laws relationship.
1.They give their married children the space and dont cramp their lifestyle.
2.Majority of the MIL and FIL work and have a circle of friends even at 50-60 so they dont depend on kids for emotional and financial support
3.If MIL or FIL dont have a spouse, they date or marry at any age, so they dont depend on their children and grandchildren for their happiness.

All these are lacking in Indian culture where the MIL and FIL of this generation stay way behind.
JMO

[Spiderman1]

Just like Malyatha has in the past, I am now getting nauseated with the Indian MIL-FIL free-for-all bashing.


You cannot discuss India vs West for MIL-FIL without including India vs West for Parents. They are parents (of guy or girl) first, before they become MIL-FIL.

Some folks want Indian parenting, Indian-type Mom and Dad, but after marriage they should become Western MIL-FIL

Either you get Western parenting, and Western MIL-FIL all the way, or you get Indian stuff all the way.


I will accept there are lots of problems in Indian society with respect to inlaws and soninlaws, dils, brotherinlaws etc. etc. But doesn't mean we can just label them generally.

[Foundlove]

I could not refrain myself from commenting. Western in laws are terrible too.

Watch " everybody loves raymond".

I have friends with equally nosy in laws who think that the DIL is a good for nothing and her son could have done better.

East or West does not matter. If you have married in a family that has unreasonable people no matter where you live there will be issues.

The only difference is that Indian parents love to live with their children so do Italian,Mexican,Phillipinos ,Chinese and Japanese folks.

If you see Charlie and the Choclate factory..the first scene starts with Charlie's grandparents and parents all living together.

Spidey I agree with your post.

FL

[Gauri03]

Some folks want Indian parenting, Indian-type Mom and Dad, but after marriage they should become Western MIL-FIL

Couldn't have said it better! You can't eat your cake and have it too. How many Indian children leave home at 18 and start fending for themselves? How many Indian children pay for college themselves? Heck, how many Indian children pay for their own marriages? A very small minority. Those who do have a right to complain. Others I am afraid, not so much! Before you start singing paeans to Western in-laws open your eyes and see the WHOLE picture.

[peartree]

pridelady

I don't think there can be any generalization on what is better fort he mil-dil dynamics! It can only be decided on a case-by-case basis!

Even in India, not all dils live with their in-laws and not all dils who don't live with their in-laws are happy! Not all dils who live with their in-laws are unhappy. So you can only see what works best for you and decide accordingly!

As others have said, though there are what we call cultural universals, each culture is still so distinct in it's own way of parenting/marriage etc. So it would just be a futile attempt to compare if one is better than the other.

[coolphani]

Spidey and Gauri03 I absolutely agree with both of you. Couldn't have said it better.

[asuitablegirl]

I prefer Western parenting, Western inlaws. With that being said...

Spidy is right, you can't expect Indian parents to suddenly become western inlaws. So you've got to take the good with the bad in the Indian scenario. Unlike the trillions of bridal advertisments claiming "east west values", most inlaws seem to come with "traditional indian values".

It is what it is.

[Ansuya]

I think the best strategies for relationships depend on the people involved. You can't ignore situational factors, context, personality, geography, and all those other good things when figuring out how to make relationships work.

If we slavishly follow a system based simply on eastern, western, traditional, or any other social constructs, we are overlooking the fact that there are real, live people with thoughts and feelings involved.

At work, we don't just implement theories without assessing whether they would work in practice. To do this in the domestic setting, we have to know ourselves, our spouses, and our respective families really well. Then, we can work out an individual plan that works for OUR family.

I was raised in a western-style society, and I married a man raised in the traditional Indian way. We've blended the best of both worlds, and come out (we think) with something unique, that works well for us.

[Malyatha]

in india we live with our in-laws. some bahu's are happy with their behaviour and some are not and vice versa if we see in-laws' point of view. In western culture they live saperate wtih their spouses.......in some cases both sides are happy......in other cases both are not. so i just want to discuss which culture is better in above discussed metter. in my view western is better bcoz in india most of the bahu's suffer not anybody else.

Right... because we want it all. In-laws who slog and raise their kids, put them through college and pick up 100% of the tab at the expense of saving for their own retirement, throw a lavish wedding for which son / DIL does not pay a dime, then provide free childcare for grand-kids so son & DIL can both work or go on vacations, pay for their medical and living expenses themselves, and stick around as long as it is beneficial for the son & DIL, but just disappear from the picture as soon as they start developing health problems or need assistance in any matters from the son & DIL.

Right...Sounds like a plan.