Close [X]
LOG IN
Close [X]
PLEASE LOG IN OR REGISTER

Sorry, you need to be a registered member and logged in to access this page.
Please login or register below.

REGISTER

It's easy, quick and FREE!



Like Tree2Likes
  1. #1
    pridelady's Avatar
    pridelady is offline New ILite
    Join Date
    May 2010
    City
    ridgefield
    State
    connecticut
    Country
    United States
    Posts
    46

    Default Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws?

    in india we live with our in-laws. some bahu's are happy with their behaviour and some are not and vice versa if we see in-laws' point of view. In western culture they live saperate wtih their spouses.......in some cases both sides are happy......in other cases both are not. so i just want to discuss which culture is better in above discussed metter. in my view western is better bcoz in india most of the bahu's suffer not anybody else.

    Last edited by SriVidya75; 8th May 2010 at 02:06 AM.

  2. #2
    rosegirl is offline Guest
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    City
    Silicon Valley
    State
    CA
    Country
    United States
    Posts
    592

    Default Re: indian culture or western culture better for relationship with in-lawas

    Western culture is best for in laws relationship.
    1.They give their married children the space and dont cramp their lifestyle.
    2.Majority of the MIL and FIL work and have a circle of friends even at 50-60 so they dont depend on kids for emotional and financial support
    3.If MIL or FIL dont have a spouse, they date or marry at any age, so they dont depend on their children and grandchildren for their happiness.

    All these are lacking in Indian culture where the MIL and FIL of this generation stay way behind.
    JMO


  3. #3
    Spiderman1's Avatar
    Spiderman1 is offline Platinum ILite
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    City
    Rock'n
    State
    Roll
    Country
    Timor-Leste
    Posts
    4,571

    Default Re: indian culture or western culture better for relationship with in-lawas

    Just like Malyatha has in the past, I am now getting nauseated with the Indian MIL-FIL free-for-all bashing.


    You cannot discuss India vs West for MIL-FIL without including India vs West for Parents. They are parents (of guy or girl) first, before they become MIL-FIL.

    Some folks want Indian parenting, Indian-type Mom and Dad, but after marriage they should become Western MIL-FIL

    Either you get Western parenting, and Western MIL-FIL all the way, or you get Indian stuff all the way.


    I will accept there are lots of problems in Indian society with respect to inlaws and soninlaws, dils, brotherinlaws etc. etc. But doesn't mean we can just label them generally.

    Last edited by Spiderman1; 7th May 2010 at 11:12 PM.
    revjey likes this.
    Music thread - nice songs but with a twist - Want to contribute your suggestions?


  4. #4
    Foundlove's Avatar
    Foundlove is offline Silver ILite
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    City
    Chicago
    State
    IL
    Country
    United States
    Posts
    808

    Default Re: indian culture or western culture better for relationship with in-lawas

    I could not refrain myself from commenting. Western in laws are terrible too.

    Watch " everybody loves raymond".

    I have friends with equally nosy in laws who think that the DIL is a good for nothing and her son could have done better.

    East or West does not matter. If you have married in a family that has unreasonable people no matter where you live there will be issues.

    The only difference is that Indian parents love to live with their children so do Italian,Mexican,Phillipinos ,Chinese and Japanese folks.

    If you see Charlie and the Choclate factory..the first scene starts with Charlie's grandparents and parents all living together.

    Spidey I agree with your post.

    FL


  5. #5
    Gauri03's Avatar
    Gauri03 is offline Gold ILite
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    City
    xxxx
    State
    xxxx
    Country
    United States
    Posts
    1,197

    Default Re: indian culture or western culture better for relationship with in-lawas

    Quote Originally Posted by Spiderman1 View Post
    Some folks want Indian parenting, Indian-type Mom and Dad, but after marriage they should become Western MIL-FIL
    Couldn't have said it better! You can't eat your cake and have it too. How many Indian children leave home at 18 and start fending for themselves? How many Indian children pay for college themselves? Heck, how many Indian children pay for their own marriages? A very small minority. Those who do have a right to complain. Others I am afraid, not so much! Before you start singing paeans to Western in-laws open your eyes and see the WHOLE picture.

    Last edited by Gauri03; 7th May 2010 at 11:54 PM.



  6. #6
    peartree's Avatar
    peartree is offline Gold ILite
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    City
    Austin
    State
    Texas
    Country
    United States
    Posts
    1,396

    Default Re: indian culture or western culture better for relationship with in-lawas

    pridelady

    I don't think there can be any generalization on what is better fort he mil-dil dynamics! It can only be decided on a case-by-case basis!

    Even in India, not all dils live with their in-laws and not all dils who don't live with their in-laws are happy! Not all dils who live with their in-laws are unhappy. So you can only see what works best for you and decide accordingly!

    As others have said, though there are what we call cultural universals, each culture is still so distinct in it's own way of parenting/marriage etc. So it would just be a futile attempt to compare if one is better than the other.


  7. #7
    coolphani is offline Junior ILite
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    City
    --
    State
    VA
    Country
    United States
    Posts
    228

    Default Re: indian culture or western culture better for relationship with in-lawas

    Spidey and Gauri03 I absolutely agree with both of you. Couldn't have said it better.


  8. #8
    asuitablegirl's Avatar
    asuitablegirl is offline Platinum ILite
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    City
    --
    State
    Virginia
    Country
    United States
    Posts
    3,372

    Default Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

    I prefer Western parenting, Western inlaws. With that being said...

    Spidy is right, you can't expect Indian parents to suddenly become western inlaws. So you've got to take the good with the bad in the Indian scenario. Unlike the trillions of bridal advertisments claiming "east west values", most inlaws seem to come with "traditional indian values".

    It is what it is.


  9. #9
    Ansuya's Avatar
    Ansuya is offline Gold ILite
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    City
    *
    State
    *
    Country
    United States
    Posts
    1,841

    Default Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

    I think the best strategies for relationships depend on the people involved. You can't ignore situational factors, context, personality, geography, and all those other good things when figuring out how to make relationships work.

    If we slavishly follow a system based simply on eastern, western, traditional, or any other social constructs, we are overlooking the fact that there are real, live people with thoughts and feelings involved.

    At work, we don't just implement theories without assessing whether they would work in practice. To do this in the domestic setting, we have to know ourselves, our spouses, and our respective families really well. Then, we can work out an individual plan that works for OUR family.

    I was raised in a western-style society, and I married a man raised in the traditional Indian way. We've blended the best of both worlds, and come out (we think) with something unique, that works well for us.


  10. #10
    Malyatha is offline Gold ILite
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    City
    ---
    State
    ---
    Country
    Tajikistan
    Posts
    1,240

    Default Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

    Quote Originally Posted by pridelady View Post
    in india we live with our in-laws. some bahu's are happy with their behaviour and some are not and vice versa if we see in-laws' point of view. In western culture they live saperate wtih their spouses.......in some cases both sides are happy......in other cases both are not. so i just want to discuss which culture is better in above discussed metter. in my view western is better bcoz in india most of the bahu's suffer not anybody else.
    Right... because we want it all. In-laws who slog and raise their kids, put them through college and pick up 100% of the tab at the expense of saving for their own retirement, throw a lavish wedding for which son / DIL does not pay a dime, then provide free childcare for grand-kids so son & DIL can both work or go on vacations, pay for their medical and living expenses themselves, and stick around as long as it is beneficial for the son & DIL, but just disappear from the picture as soon as they start developing health problems or need assistance in any matters from the son & DIL.

    Right...Sounds like a plan.


Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT +5.5. The time now is 09:34 AM.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282