Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws?

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

It is not a debate over east or west. The debate should be how to change with times. We cannot be hippocratic and cheat ourselves. If this complete in-laws drama saga must come to an end, simply those that are in problem must know to isolate themselves. The young must be independent and take care of themselves, the old must be physically, mentally and financially strong to take care of themselves.

India must come out with better pension plans and better health care system for the old. In the UK, the system provides physical support, roof and pension to those that are old and in need.

If we learn to live this way, there won't be any expectation from any quarter. First chop-off all the expectations and we must learn to live as individuals and approach matters laterally than persistently debating on MIL, FIL, SIL issues.

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

I think everyone here will shoot me for my statement :eek I didn't generalize but you cannot deny this statement completely though.

Yes Spidey. I agree....exceptions are there. My family is there....I don't hide anything from my mom. I don't generalize here but many families are still there too interfering. Otherwise, why we are all here in this forum pouring out our problems.

In future, such problems won't exist at all. I am confident :thumbsup

What you all mean by closeness???

Can a Indian child express his feelings to his dad or mom? Do you ever had an open talk with your parents? It is always "Yes Dad/Mom, whatever you say is right." [Again no comparison with western culture] :bonk

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

Having been exposed to both the systems, I have to agree somewhat to Spiderman's statement below. If you let your parents make choices for you that includes picking your spouse, I am afraid you have accepted that system with the whole package and your in-laws are not going to walk into sunset after you get married.

Having said that, I also want to dispel some misconceptions about Western parenting and the notion of western parents casting off their wards into wilderness once they turn 18 and they have to pay for their own Uni education etc. I also found it interesting that people are citing anecdotal evidence from TV soaps to generalize parenting in the west.

Parents in the Occident love and care for their children just as much as the parents in the Orient. And Western parents pay for Uni education, daughter's marriage etc just like Indian or Chinese parents. All of this depends on the economic strata of the parents and how responsible they are and please don't tell me every parent in India pays for their son and daughter's education or marriage or whatever else.

Your sampling is very skewed as you take one strata of the Indian society which has the means to come to the west and comparing it to the entire spectrum of the western society and draw your conclusions. Just like everywhere else in the world, affordability plays in big role in parents paying for things. If the parents do not have the economic means to pay for things such as Uni education etc, then the kid has to find ways to secure that on their own and their parents simply cannot pay for it. There are lots of scholarships and loans available for people with lower income and they can avail those opportunities.
About western parents casting off their kids once they turn 18, nothing could be further from the truth and this is a sweeping generalization. It is not very uncommon for adult children in the mid 20s to live with their parents in UK purely because of economics ( high housing costs, council taxes etc). Eventhough they may work, they do not have the financial means to move out on their own and end up staying with parents to save money.
And it is also not uncommon for dads in the west to pay for their daughter's wedding(atleast the first one...If you change husbands every two years, then you are on your own after the first) and this again depends on how well off the parents are.

Here are some differences between both systems. While parents in the west won't move in with you after marriage and usually mind their own business, they also will not act as your full time dedicated nanny or babysitter for their grandchildren in general. While they will take care of grandchildren if you have a emergency or occasional request, you cannot pawn off your kid everyday to grandma and grandpa as a free daycare service.

So if you want to enjoy the advantages of one system over the other, they come in a package and there is no 'A La carte' menu available for you to pick and choose the best out of both,

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

cannot agree any less on this. there is a very small percentage of families that would respect their children's decisions/discussions/arguments/interests at any age.

Latha

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

This is an aside, but a pertinent one. Everybody Loves Raymond is a TV sitcom, which is funny precisely because it is so over-the-top and ridiculous. Like Malavika, I find it interesting (more like hilarious, actually) that this show is seen as even a little bit representative of how real families live.

Now I'm off to my local cafe, Central Perk, to meet my 6 fabulously good-looking and incredibly funny friends, who were promised to me on my visa application form...

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

I don't know anything about Everybody loves Raymond but I certainly know Friends(unfortunately we don't get all the American sitcoms) LOL Yeah it would be similar to people thinking Friends is representative of dating and mating rituals in America.

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

Lol :rotfl. Citing sitcoms as reality seems common amongst Indian folks. When my dh was married to his ex, she used to ridicule him that he can not provide enough money for her to "live in New York City like Rachel on the Friends show", and didn't want to be married to him anymore because she wanted to be like one of the girls on the Friends show. She used to watch the show and make comparisons to that cool life and the 'boring' life my dh was providing.

After their divorce, believe it or not, she actually moved to New York City, took up an apartment and job in the city, to create her Friend's fantacy. The only problem was... the friends cast was not there waiting for her. When she called me on the phone (from NY), she described her life as "a mess".

So there you have the dangers of believing life is like, or can be like, a television sitcom.

Just like the Indian soaps are a far cry from reality, so are most of the American ones.

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

So ASG what is this 'Everybody loves Raymond'? It certainly seems like a poster child for American In-laws behaviour LOL

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

Actually Malavika, I haven't ever watched it. Me and dh prefer the History channel, or discovery channel, and the news. And lots of movies!

I think Everyone love's raymond (along with friend's) was a little before my time. Both shows seemed to be in full swing in the 90's... which would have made me in the 3-12 year old age range. :rotfl

Same thing with Sex and the City. I wish I would have been older in the 90's so I could have followed the series! In fact I've never seen a full episode, but really liked the STC movie that came out.

 

Re: Indian culture or Western culture?? which is better for relationship with in-laws

'Everybody loves Raymond' is a comedy series.. It revolves around a couple Raymond and his wife debra.. They have their in-laws living across the same street.. It usually has those funny tiffs between debra and her MIL.. This MIL tries to be like 'my dear son' and 'I am the best cook' types which drives Debra mad.. This guy Ray all the time would be supporting his mom and getting thrashed by his wife for supporting his mom..