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How to give a smart answer to MIL

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sita2223, Mar 23, 2010.

  1. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes, looks like giving a straight answer is the best option.

    shakehead I am dreading the conversation MIL will want to have regd this matter.

    I hope she talks about this when DH is in the room, in which case I don't have to respond at all.
     
  2. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    Shilpa,

    :biglaugh:biglaugh:biglaugh:biglaugh I personally like #4.

    Ok, back to my problem, I think I will go with #1, #2, #3 in the same order and if that doesn't work... like Tugga said, I will try giving her a straight answer that we aren't planning on TTC for the next 2yrs.
     
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Equlity Marriage Contract...
    The new concept for Indian Marriages under

    You & I.. Equality Matrimonials...
     

    Attached Files:

  4. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Ok then take a printout of above BMP file and stick to all your bags once you leave for India :crazy...
     
  5. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    For benefit of those whose internet connection is slow

    YOU&I
    Manifesto for Equality in Marriage

    The YOU & I matrimonial is for prospective brides & grooms who believe in a democratic marriage - a coming together of two individuals who vlaue freedom of choices including those of parenthood, family & household responsibilities, social interactions & career-related decisions as follows:

    1. Personal preferences including those related to dress, food & hobbies will be respected, with no pressure from in-laws or relatives.

    2. The couple would share responsibility of caring each other's parents - while each would remain the primary caregiver for their own parents.

    3. Both partners have an equal right to pursue - or not to pursue - a career and play the role of primary breadwinner. Either one could follow the other's decision to relocate home as per career movement.

    4. If both choose to work, the responsibility for child rearing & home management will be shared equally.

    5. Together the couple will resolve to overcome attempts by extended family to interfere in their key life choices. Eg: whether & when to have a baby would be decided only by the couple, not by parents and other family members who will not comment on, goad or influence the couple.

    6. The bride does not "leave her home" to merge seamlessly or fit into her in-laws scheme of things, she now has another home that she might choose to call her own in addition to the home she comes from.
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2010
    1 person likes this.
  6. garvi

    garvi New IL'ite

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    But this won't slove ure problem. One way to explain the reason is that we you all are sitting together i.e. ure IL's SIL and u & ure Husband. try to take tis issue out and let ure hubby give the answer about it ( but before talking with them u both discuss this issuse between ure self so that u both are clear. I have tried this out it will really help u. Because wen son speaks what so ever cunning MIL or Sil is they both will shut up & sit in a corner) just that you have to support ure husband emotionally very much. that will really give him courage. and try never leaving him alone wen ure here in India. with any of his relative. let him tell them strat forward that he doesnot want to have child right now and wen ever he feels u will both start ure family. tackle in in the same way hw ure sil does always play the same game that te biggest answer for here.
     
  7. vennelaaaa

    vennelaaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Sita,
    You can just smile and then tell that you are a little shy about discussing these matters and promise her that you yourself will tell if anything comes up.
    If she asks you many more questions then you can just smile and ignore. After a while she will give up and stop asking.
     
  8. ras09

    ras09 New IL'ite

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    Hi Sita,
    My problem is very similar to yours. I am 24 and we got married 8 months ago.
    My MIL one day straightway asked me that are you pregnant? Blame it on our outside food habits (i gained weight on tummy :)) I said no...
    She keep on telling me that having kids on right time is good.
    Her own daughter is already 27 and not married. Why cant she let her daughter marry first and worry abt her kids before telling me to have kids on right age.
    I have planned that next time when she will ask me..
    i will tell her that its important to have kids on right age. SIL need to get pregnant as soon as she will get married as she has already passed ideal age. I am three years younger than her..
    :)
    Hows that??
    Tell her straightway on face... no need to afraid as your husband is with you...
     
  9. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    I tried this.. however in my case.. my DH informed this as well to his mom so we all never sat together to talk on this topic at all :rotflMy MIL is smartest of all and needless to say anything about her son :bonk............. My DH told me that no meeting was needed & they talked in person about this topic. However when things took an ugly turn (to the tune of D) he blamed me again that since we never discussed with her.. she felt we dint have this on our mind.
     
  10. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    Shilpa, garvi, vennelaa, ras,

    Thank you ladies for your suggestions. I have another question -

    Whether to smile and answer diplomatically or to be straightfoward with MIL... it all depends on what MIL says... right??

    I mean, the other day on the phone she asked my DH if he was doing family planning. She talks very loudly on the phone, so even though I was working in the kitchen I heard what she said and stared at my DH who stared back at me in shock, because MIL doesn't have a good rapport with my DH to ask such questions. I could see my DH was going to say something like 'Its none of your business'... so I kept shaking my head violently saying No. He somehow managed to not answer her directly.

    I mean, if MIL asks me in a decent way like - are you planning for a baby / when are you going to give us good news / we are waiting for grandkid / etc... I think my best bet would be to smile and answer coyly.

    But what if MIL asks in a awkwardly straight forward way???? :drowning How do MILs usually bring up this topic and what kind of questions can MILs pose to DILs? I mean how do MILs ask a DIL about this matter?? If you have any experience, pls help. :help
     

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