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Recently, I came across this site and have been reading since then.
Mostly, it is the DILs here but my case is reverse. I am the MIL.
I have 2 sons and 1 daughter. One son and daughter live in US and another son lives in India in another city and visits different countries for work related things.
We are leading a retired life here in India mostly away from children.
The son and daughter who is in US had love marriage while they were in India. The one son here had arranged marriage. We never opposed their decision of marriage in anyway. My husband and I always prefer to live away from grown children.
We went to visit them in US, DIL was working then. I asked my DIL to not send children from school to after school care since we are here. She says after we leave the kids will get used to that and make a fuss. Kids are 9 and 6.
Is there any sense in what she is saying? Can't the kids that age understand that grandparents left so we need to stay at day care?? If she really fears that then we said we will explain that but she refused.
When they come to India, she will stay with us along with kids for 4 days in 3 weeks time. If we want to see the kids and call she will say she will come but come only for a couple of hours . Never leave the kids with us alone.
Are we going to harm our own grandchildren?
Ask her anything and she will compare with my daughter. One time, I just told her these dishwashers are such a convenience and she felt bad as though I said she is enjoying life better than my daughter who works and when I said this my DIL was not working. We never bothered they work or not, how much they earn, what they do etc etc. We get our pension and we live with that.
I told her once my other DIL in India can make besan ladoos and your FIL likes those very much. She went and told her husband that I am comparing her with her cosister. Did I say she can't and the other can? I was just prasing the other one but that is also wrong. I praise this DIL infront of the other one in India on so many aspects and the other DIL agrees too but never confronts like this. I also praise them if they do something I liked right then and there. I don't hold myself for admiring their capabilities.
They bought house, my son called and told us and asked about some ceremony. I told him to give to DIL as I can explain her better. He gives some excuses as she is in bathroom, doing puja, went out etc. Never makes effort to call again when she is there. They need that kind of advice from us but she will not talk.
We bought 3 small plots of land for them from our money. It was their fathers decision to gift them like that. My other son/Dil, daughter/soninlaw expressed their happiness over it and this son in US also said he was happy with us gifting them land but DIL will never even call about it.
My husband was very sick sometime back. Had asthma attack and was hospitalised. Everyone called to check his well being except this DIL. She never even asked later how he is doing or showed any concern. Not that it will get any better with her asking but so indifferent her behavior is.
When I went to US, I asked her what she is unhappy about. She said we failed to understand her in the begininig itslef. When I told her to explain further she said we are interfering too much. This DIL living this far says that we are interfering while the other DIL living 2 hrs from us does not complain. I don't know where we are interfering. She says I like the other DIL more and am good with her since I may need her as she is near to me.
You all shared how your MILs are and I am sharing my story too......vice versa though.