I need help immediately,something is making me think think think.Plz urgent

I am back with my woes.Mentally I am still feeling pretty anxious now and then but I seem to have been able to keep it under control from going over the top. I am just waiting to complete my last trimester and have the baby so that I can start seeking therapy for my worries.

Ok what happened is this.I read about a new member's question about whether her husband is insensitive or just practical
She has written that her husband does not wish to go back to India for parents sake but for his own sake maybe many years from now.He thinks he can help his parents all he can when they need help from US itself.
Now only difference between me and this lady in the regard is that,she seemed worried that her husband was so practical whereas I am happy that mine is like that.I just cannot bear the thought of living with in-laws of going back to India and having anxious thoughts every now and then with them around.It will flare up my crazy mind and I WILL go totally mad.

Now the my problem is some posters on there like suitable girl said yes even her husband is equally practical in this matter,some said it is good to be practical but one or two of you said that he will could change his decision when the time comes and then want to move back and move in with them which I imply means he does know what he is talking and he will know only when the time comes and when one of them is not well...ie he is not able to comprehend a situation where they are unwell..

Now my husband says although it is a hypothetical situation he is able to comprehend it and he would still stick to his belief that going back and physically being there all the time with them makes less sense.
He says he would have thought of something if he was the only son,but he's not and he has relatives and an older brother as well to share responsibilities with him.

I don't know I am getting so restless since I read all that thinking he is young and does not know what he's talking and when one of them is not well he will want to move back and all his belief,promise whatever will change.
I just want to be able to believe him when he says no matter what this what he will do, or else my mind will make me go crazy.
I have seen him be very practical yes,even when his dad was not well and he handled it practically ie sent money,went to visit, called daily, etc.

I am not a selfish person.I will not mind any kind of help to my in-laws from a distant and he's a very good son as well.

One more thing, anyone on here who wants to lecture me about my selfishness,who wants to start with the whole physically care is better than PAID care,karma will find me,and what if my brother does this and that to my parents, PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT REPLY.I think I know a couple of us in this forum who would like to do just that without thinking the consequences would not help me.

I do not want to hear from you as it will topple me into a deep dark world if you start the lecturing.

I would love people who have equally practical husbands or who think this arrangement is not wrong to help me.

Suitable girl, what do you think? Do you think your husband would change and want to go back if one parents falls sick Do you think he can talk all this because he's not able to imagine them not well yet and that when it happens he will change his decisions?

Please help me ladies, I need your help desperately.

Sandhya

Originally Posted by sandhya303

One more thing, anyone on here who wants to lecture me about my selfishness,who wants to start with the whole physically care is better than PAID care,karma will find me,and what if my brother does this and that to my parents, PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT REPLY.I think I know a couple of us in this forum who would like to do just that without thinking the consequences would not help me.

First things First, Sandhya !

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO ASK MEMBERS TO STAY AWAY FROM REPLYING TO YOU.

YOU CANNOT CHOOSE WHOM YOU WANT REPLIES FROM !

Please go ahead posting ONLY if you dont have set rules before posting.. Dont make members think twice about responding to you. Now, if you give some generalised statements as such.. how will ANY member know wether they are " ELIGIBLE " to write to you ..

Please do not post, if you already come up " EXPECTING CERTAIN KIND OF ANSWERS " !

If certain responses dont suit you, why dont you just read them and move on without breaking your head over it ?

If you want to contact just ONE MEMBER, please take up Paid PM and contact just that member, Sandhya ! You can gift a subscription to that member too !

Please.. Take this as a warning and do not repeat it.

I remember, you had posted sometime back in US forum that THIS forum ( Marriage ) has not been very helpful and all the advises here have been not soo helpful.. You come back again here.. I couldnt believe you wrote that.. when I have seen many members being sooo helpful to you !

Oh God No Preethi, please don't go off on me like that.
I didn't mean this forum has not been useful,it was only regarding that one question. This forum is the only place I can come to as you all already know my personality now. I really need your help in sailing through this pregnancy with my anxiety disorder and you all have helped me so much and been so patient in the past.

I know I shouldnt have said that I don't want someone lecturing me.I said that because I could anticipate the lecturing from certain members here and that totally totally takes the question and the replies in a different direction.

I want to be accepted as someone who's not all good and not all bad and I really do not want to be lectured at this stage of my life thats the reason I said that.

I am sorry you had to warn me like that. I didn't mean anything against anybody,just a couple of posters here would have wanted to show me my karma etc and I am so not in the mood for that right now. I am going through this anxious cycle and wanted help pertaining ONLY to my question,not someone trying to change my life's beliefs and principles and what not.

Your answers have only helped me in the past,so please don't be so mad at me for what I just did. Please understand where I am coming from and what I am going through and take me as an exception in this forum for just 2 more months. I will feel lost without this forum

Thanks

Oh dear.

I guess its my post that has made you anxious.

I am new here but I can empathize with you Sandhya as you said you suffer from anxiety.I have a cousin SIL who suffers from that and I know its not easy when new thoughts keep invading your mind.

Coming to your question,
Actually none of them on the forum said that my husband would change his decision or belief if and when one of his parents fall sick.All they meant was that he's being practical just like your husband and realistic and he's not being insensitive at all as he's willing to do all he can from a distance.
Yes someone did say that when the time comes he will be more concerned than anybody else but all they meant (I think) was to help me understand not to blow my own trumpet about being a caring DIL and a wife who's husband does not care for his parents.I was feeling a little inflated and that statement was meant for me to understand that he will be caring enough and he is not insensitive at all!

How old is your husband, if he's an adult,which of course he is,then you have to trust him to have made his decisions after fully comprehending the situation.
I know its a hypothetical situation where one has to imagine a parent falling sick,but if he has imagined it then he has and its not a very big deal to be able to imagine such a thing. Why, I even imagine worse things and get so scared and worried..about my own parents and siblings.I can imagine it and even can come to conclusions about what I would do etc..so why can't he? Right?

I hope I have helped you at least a little because I feel guilty about you getting anxious for something I posted.

I would request others as well,especially the ones who posted in my thread and who according to you meant something else,to please pitch in and clear the doubts.

I know you are pregnant.I am pregnant as well and I think a little sensitivity and understanding is required with women in this condition.I have a major in psychology and people seem to think I can understand another's point of view pretty well, but inspite of that,pregnancy makes me so anxious sometimes and I go through bouts of depression and hormones are one reason for this.

Take care of yourself Sandhya and Good luck,

Sabiha

THANKS Sabiha,

Thank your for showing some respect for my anxieties.
I am still thinking too much but feeling little better after reading your response.
I wonder why anyone else hasnt posted,maybe because as Preethi said,I made them think twice by asking for only certain kind of replies. I did that only so that I don't go into deeper anxiety.I hope they start replying as well.

I am still thinking that he could change his decision when time comes. That he just cannot comprehend the situation.The problem is this is such a gray area,not black or white,so I cannot even ask him or anyone else.
How do I find relief from my thoughts.I am worried I am harming the baby but I cannot shut down my restless mind.

I hope like you said,others pitch in to help me understand and clear everything.

Thanks Sabiha

Sandhya

Absolute nonsense in your first post Sandhya123. Sorry to say, but that is what it is. What you have written is Very rude.

You are posting in a forum, then you better be able to handle things said in favor of your post and you need to be able to handle if some of us find you selfish. Accept that.

If you are not in the mood to listen to views against yours, then take a break . It is not fair to tell us what views we can post here and not.

Fine with me as far as you understand what you can and cannot say in Public forums, Sandhya !

One day you find everything right about one member.. then you come up and start threads for one member only.. Then, if the member gives you a shake up and tell you what you think is wrong.. then you get all defensive and suddenly choose not to recieve any responses from THOSE members..
Not right, Sandhya ! I am disappointed with you since you are a very old member just like any of we THOSE.

However.. think about it.. regardless of wether I said or not.. ANYONE who reads your post about asking members to " not lecture you " about certain things.. would understand what it is..
That was insensitive, Girl ! You know your anxiety problem well.. and so do we. We played along with you all this while, didnt we ?

Someone writes their issue, you relate it to your life ! I mean, why cant you not read the forums for a while ?? I know what Pregnancy hormones could do to a person's mood.. so, why dont you just stay off from the forums till you deliver and post ONLY when there is some real issue related to your life.

Getting worried and paranoid about things that MAY happen in your life is simply wasting your time.

Why did you just read the initial post of the other member which made you paranoid ..

why did you read just things that could cause some anxiety in you ?

Why didnt you read everything everyone said in that thread ? Didnt you read lines which said, Please dont break your head over unnecessary things ? Leave it to time !!?

Why did you choose to ignore those sentences ? Just because another member had an issue, neednt mean you would too. Everyone's life is different, Sandhya !

Even if tommorow your hubby does what is called for in any circumstance ?
How can any of us predict what your hubby may do when his parents need him ?

We dont know him.. YOU DO !!!

You just want comforting words, fine. But for how long and for what not. You must learn to stop thinking unnecessarily. You dont do that.. you just go about with your idle mind assumptions. Dont do that, has been told to you innumerable times here.. Have you listened ?

Please do not give pregnancy hormones and being vulnerable all the time as a reason, Sandhya. You are more bothered about every other thing except you and your baby. You sit and wonder things endlessly.. which is doing no good to you. Why dont you understand that.

The intention of every member who has responded to you in the past has been good and helpful. Dont you think each one has better things to do in their lives than lecture you ?

However.. I am sure, you know when a member is even keying a single line to you , they need to feel their time is worth it. That is why I asked you to refrain from such uncalled for sentences ! I am glad you understood .

Best Luck to you ..

Originally Posted by Sabiha123

.
Yes someone did say that when the time comes he will be more concerned than anybody else but all they meant (I think) was to help me understand not to blow my own trumpet about being a caring DIL and a wife who's husband does not care for his parents.I was feeling a little inflated and that statement was meant for me to understand that he will be caring enough and he is not insensitive at all!

I told you that.. and YES you understood it PERFECT ! :) He will be concerned the way he should be when there is an emergency to his parents or siblings.. It doesnt mean, the DIL wouldnt care..afterall all of us are HUMANS and we would be anxious about any human being sick and serious.. however bitter the relationship is.. isnt ? It is just that, we neednt compare us to anyone .

Imagine, your hubby comes up to you and tells you, the way you think and care for your parents is wrong ? It irks us right. I dont say, you or he would tell each other so.. That is exactly why one writes here, TO SHARE.

But Sabiha.. you understood the responses perfectly. Everyone of us have confusions in life at some point.. Being a psychology student neednt mean, you wouldnt.. It is like saying.. I wont have cavities because I am a Dentist. It is alright to be in confusion pregnant or non-pregnant.. But, for how long and for what does matter.

Anyways.. glad your confusion is all clear :)

Well, Sandhya shouldn’t have written like that in her post, but I think now she genuinely feels that she did a mistake by penning down those thoughts. So as understanding fellow ilites we should leave her alone now , considering the fact that she's in her last stage of pregnancy - JMO . I am more concerned about the fact that she’s going through her last trimester , this mental woes are neither good for her nor the baby

Sandhya, A happy mom makes a happy baby. You should know that your mood affects your baby as well. I know that the pregnancy hormones acts crazy sometimes, but YOU should try and deviate your mind to something else. Why don’t you spend more time praying/something creative and get back once your delivery is over.Have a safe delivery dear.

Sandhya,
Please get off the computer. Does very little good to your health in the last trimester. Talk a walk, eat some fruit, listen to some music or read a book. Do not read these forums for some more time and brood over these issues. You will have a LOT of work and very little time to sleep once the baby is born. Make good use of this time. Eat well and SLEEP WELL! Take care.
Sandhya