How to react to "My son's house"

Both my husband and I work (I make more, but has never been a topic of discussion or created any issues but his parents dont know about our salaries, they think by default the man makes more). We bought a house and my mil refers to our home as "my sons home, xx's home". Although I know its natural for that generation of people to call it their son's home, I get annoyed thinking how much I contribute to the family money wise & physically. I manage the household all my myself & try to keep the house very clean and its like I am doing 2 jobs - 1 at work and 1 at home. For a person that does so much such comments irk me. On the other hand even If I were a stay at home mom I would think the same since a house cannot be a home without the work we do. How do you people handle such comments? I wish my DH would tell her in a casual or funny way that its our house and not just his. How did any of you handle this in a nice way? I dont want to say nasty things and spoil any good relationship I have. My parents never refer this way.

On the other hand, my co-sis is my mil's darling and she refers to their house as her place or her son&dils place which makes me feel more worse.

That's interesting that she refers to her other DIL's home as the DIL's home or the son's+DIL's home! Does your co-sister work? If so, then does she make more than the son and is this known to your MIL?

Also, this behavior of your MIL may simply be symptomatic of other on-going issues that you & your MIL may have with each other, and may not be explicable in isolation. Of course, by referring to it to as your husband's, rather than as your, house, your MIL may merely be looking to undermine your authority in your home.

My co-sis is a stay at home mom but is extra-friendly to my mil

Dear Sujana,

dont get upset. i know its really difficult to digest those things. but think positively. you now belong to that family and ur MILs son is none other than your husband. if they say my sons house.. be proud that they are praising not only your husband but you are also included in that.. no MIL will say DIL house for sure that too in front of DIL... and if you are earning more, its for your family only! so dont take things seriously, its matter of few days/months as its new house. then all will be fine. no point breaking your head . Its only we (DIL) who take all these things to head but others really enjoy the opportunity.

and reg ur co-sis issue, you never know she may be doing the same thing there ... its my personal experience just to create jealosy may be or to just show up!

regarding contribution, born as women we have to undergo all those things no way out except praying! and of all these things if we have kids then 24hrs is also not enough for us!

so just forget all these things and enjoy life in your new house

goodluck

Sujana,

why dont you casually tell your DH directly -->I wish my DH would tell her in a casual or funny way that its our house and not just his.
If something irritates you, not just this matter then you should share with your DH, but talk nicely while saying so. when and where you are telling to your DH is also important.. good luck

Hey hi I am also in the same boat at first I used to worry but now I just dont care.If my son gets 100% my Inlaws will say he is justlike his dad but if my son is stubborn or unmanagable they will say he is just like hismom.

there are 2 things you need to check
1)is she saying intentionally to hurt you or pull you down
2) or is she just saying it
because i am staying with my mom after my dads demise a couple of months back and yesterday when i went to my relatives place they asked me whats your futher plan for today?and i said i will go yo my DH house...they laughed and said what dh house so you are differntiating etc..i relaised what i said ..But i dint say it intentionally soo relaly depends.

What's the big deal?

I am sorry, but I don't feel anything wrong or to feel upset and worried about.

Are you expecting your husband to (1) tell his mom that you earn more than him (2) tell his mom that you give more to this family than him (3) you are better than him, financially?

Why? What is that going to get you?

I guess you need some appreciation and its missing. But again, for generations Indian women are deprived of that just because they WORKED AT HOME and not bought in real money.

These are just someone's words. Why are you giving so much importance to that? You, your conscious, your husband, knows what needs to be known, to be proud off or whatever. Do you need to really worry about anything else?

I think this one goes like this.If my parents are visiting me then they would tell people that they are going to there daugther house and they don't get to say easily that they are going to there SIl house and same goes visa-versa.
Here I am not sure,why your MIL would include your co-sister when she is referring to her other son's house.May be other might in family more time than you or she might be living with them and they develop relation.Otherwise typically all MIL's refer that as there son's house.

It's funny that one time my MIL was here,and that time I am talking to my husband that(my husband troubles me for cleaning all the time) you go and take some apparment to stay and I stay here with my kids.My MIL immdiatily interfeared saying that,why does he go,you go and stay there and he stays here (it's funny,she would try to protect the son full extent in her stay here)

Sujana,

I also experienced similar kind, but in money matters, my DH supports his family financially, my in laws family praises him for his support , but they never know my hand is also there(I mean financial support, without my earning it is not possible to help that much) but all the credit goes to him. initially I got irritated as I dont have recognition, but slowly as Nandu told, I realized how much support I am giving and how much personal satisfaction I am gaining no matter people recognize or not.

so, dont spoil your mind and be proud of your achievement.

sujatha.