My experience with my in laws

Hi folks,

I am a new member to this forum. its really a nice feeling to be a part of such wonderful floor for women I'm a newly married gal, 6 months since marriage. I would like to share my problems with my in laws and hear your suggestions.

I face problems with my in laws daily. My MIL wants me to concentrate only on household work. My FIL shouts at me daily stating that i am not working properly. Both my MIL as well as my FIL talk bad about my mom and dad and our relatives. This sucks..... They create all of issues when me and husband plan for an outing. All they want me to do is sit at home and carry on with the household work. I have quit my job as they were blaming me for not working at home. Whenever i take these issues to my husband he shouts at them and finally i am being blamed for screwing their son. Why the hell in this earth do they talk bad about my mom and dad when they themselves are a mom and dad of a married daughter. I'm confused and really dont know how to react. kindly help.

Hi Vijaya,

You need to nip it at the bud! All that they are doing are 'red flags' for your life ahead. Take is seriously now. Why did you quit job? GO FIND ANOTHER ONE RIGHT AWAY!
House work goes on and on and on ....it is never ending and you can always employ a maid for that but if you are at home always with IL then that is more torture than any thing else in this world...I don't mean all in-laws but the ones like yours. I can understand someone quitting job to take care of their children but housework?....whhhaaattt rubbish?? They are just trying to pin you down. Don't yield and give them way...take life in your control.
They have no right to tell bad about your mom and dad. Don't take it anymore. Tell you dh that you seriously need to think of living separately if this continues. He needs to tell his parents and this has to STOP!

But, first try for another job and don't wait for their permission to do so....you will never get one anyway.


Adara

Adara thanks for your suggestions but the problem is, my MIL creates all sorts of melodrama in front of my FIL in such a way that he believes her. They scold me in the absence of my DH. My DH is totally disinterested in living separately as he is scared of the society. My MIL tries to control us financially too. I'm trying for a job now. My MIL wants her DD to lead a nuclear life but not her DS. We dont enjoy much of a privacy. My MIL bugs me to get up too early in the morning and FIL asks me to get out if i dont do so. MY FIL compares me with others gals they approached for my DH before my wedding. This sucks My DH asks me to shut my mouth before them as he feels me arguing with them would fetch me a negative name. My DH spoke to my MIL regarding this but is not ready to lead a separate life. After facing all the problems i desparately want to lead a nuclear life with my DH. I'm totally disheartened.

My two cents:

Please do not spoil your initial days of marrried life because of other people.First two years of married life is very important and it forms a strong foundation for love and affection.

Try to handle IL's issues on your own and try to minimise your chats with DH related to this.It is not that he should not know anything.He should know everything around him.But handling part should be you and not him..It will definitely backfire you and will add more fuel to the existing fire if he talks to his parents now.

Are you working?If not try to find a job...Plan your pregnancy if you have not done already.

Please do not overtax yourself by thinking about inlaws.Certain problems will never solve.We only need to reduce the intensity of it.

Good Luck!

About 90% of the ladies face This problem... Just try 1 thing... Do whatever they say and say "yes" what ever they say.. Jus for few days and post your comments about them. Lets see...

Vijaya,

What HYPOCRITES your in-laws are??

Their want their own daughter to have a nuclear family and not you.
You know, first of all go find a job and don't give them your money. That way they cannot control you financially. Next, be firm with what you like and not. Don't yield to all their nonsense. It appears very nice to be a 'obedient bahu' but ask her how she feels in the inside. You need not live a pretentious life just to please them. It is more important for you to be happy on the inside and it is good for your hubby too. Talk to him very frankly. Tell him, but politely, he cannot afford to be a mama's boy all his life.

All in all, what I meant to say is later in your life you should not feel sorry that all through you have lived not for yourself but just to please a bunch on hypocrites.

I am sorry if I sound harsh or rude but listen, the world will never let us live our life our way if we are not ready to fight for it. This is the hard reality which is very bitter but true.

Adara

Dear VIjaya,

First of all get a JOB why did you quit a job the only way you cab live with such type of inlaws is staying 8-9 hrs away from them in a day and sleeping for 8 hrs which makes them almost 17 hrs of your own time. and you have to spend only 7 hrs in a day. in which almost take 5 hrs for household work do it slowly. Never sit infront of them in th same room doing nothing that will give them chance to taunt you which maybe about you or about your parents. always act as if you are busy. do the household things slowly be in kitchen or in other room. the only way you can avoid them is by getting a job. sitting at home you have to bear them for many more hours. make it a point that you leave with your husband and come back with him or around that time only. Act as if you are very busy in office. even if you don't sleep make it a point to that you go to your bedroom as quickly as you finish your dinner there if you are not sleepy read a book or listen to music but give some time to yourself. and I knwo it is easy to say but Hard to be done just IGNORE your PILs whenever they say about your parents.Even if you don't do job take up some course or calsses which will amke you go out of the home. start living your life dear. just becasue you are married dosen't mean you have to stop living take up a hobby do something that you enjoy doing before marraige. after my maraige it took me 2 yeras to live my life again as I was shken by the way my inlaws are. But I don't want you to do the same mistake. avoid them, ignore them. talk to them to very minimum. if your DH asks you why you are behaving like this then tell him whatever happened with you and this is how you will be if you are treated badly. any relationship is two way. all the best dear!!

hie!!
i think this happens with almost every dil.i agree with all the advisors except..doing watever they say

hi vijaya,

Even I too faced this problem even though i stayed away from my inlaws.When I was newly married went to my inlaws house they started their ranting infront of my husband as my husband didn't allow his mother to do so then they started to be good infront of my husband and relatives.In the absence of my husband they used to rant me,they didn't even left the chance of scolding me when my husband was in the bathroom.Even today after 2 yrs of my married life I still face problems with them.I am trying to ignore them as far as possible.If i need to talk to them i talk regarding their health and hand over the phone to my DH.If they stay with them i reduce my talks with and pretend as if am busy.I like the suggestions of "DEW".If u have ur husband's support then also they(inlaws) will do some emotional blackmail and make their son to feel sorry for them.I feel that U just do ur duties and try to be busy with ur household or
office work .Don't give time to people to take a ride on u.
This I learnt with my experience.

the more i read about In laws screaming at DILs.. especially FIL screaming at DIL, the more im shocked. i frankly feel that screaming is being uncivilized. and sorry to say - ur in-laws come in that category.

you dont have a choice except to stand up for yourself. either be brave to do that, or you will be forced to grin and bear it.

i feel quitting your job was a mistake on ur part. you should join bak as atleast little time away from them will give you more tolerance and patience to bear it. sitting at home is not making them any happier.. so just forget about it.

join back work and keep a maid/help/cook so that housework is not affected. and honestly.. JUST IGNORE THEM!