Very disheartening

I had a situation at home yesterday that has been disturbing me till now.

My DH is right now in the US for a couple of months and I was staying alone with my daughter. We stay close to my mothers place ( its pretty walkable ) and hence its never been a problem managing without my DH.

Currently my in-laws are here for a few weeks and y'day it was late ( 9 PM ) when I returned from office, they had finished dinner and there was absolutely nothing for me and my daughter. I had to quickly change and make a quick meal for both of us. The funny part is my MiL or FiL did not say anything as if everything was normal. I made Chappati and fed my 3 year old daughter and then I had mine and they were watching us as if nothing had happened.

I have been having very disturbing thoughts from y'day... are we not part of a family, do each one have to cook for themselves... it was never like this when my DH was around and inlaws visited, though my MiL is a little lazy.

I just wanted to pour out my thoughts, thanks for reading me .....

Regards
Rani

Hey Rani! SORRY to hear what happened. Did you not ask why at least your 3yr old daughter was not fed till you came and why there is no food left?
Next time, start off by asking "did you both eat dinner?" That way you can get the conversation starting. If they say yes then ask them why your dd was not fed and why there is no food for you. If they say that they tried feeding your dd but she wouldn't eat from them then ask them what happened to her share of food so you could feed her as soon as you came.
If this continues .....don't wait till it happens for the 101st time...speak up....question them the next time something like this happens. You don't have to take it to your hubby if at least half of what they say sounds reasonable otherwise you can involve him.


Adara

Hi Rani,

I'm sorry for you and your kid. The problem with all the MIL and FIL is that they prefer to project an innocent look before their DS. They would never appreciate enemity with their son. The best thing you could do to them is just IGNORE them as you have mentioned that they gonna be around only for few weeks. My suggesstion would be let your mom take care of your DD for a day. Your PIL would obviously question you for your behaviour. Then speak up for your 3yr old DD not being fed. I would suggest you not to take these issues to your DH unless they do it and the chances of they taking it to their DS are less as they are to be blamed.

Regards,
Sound

Ranise,

It looks to me they are angry with your for something and they are showing on you this way. But it is very unacceptable not feeding the 3 years old.
Leave your daughter at your mothers place,if they ask,just tell them that you need to take care of your daughter.
I know this will create the scene at your home,since your husband not in town,he can get confused with all this.
Or cook some food for your daugher in the morning and give to them to feed her.Anyhow you said they are going to stay only for a week.

Thanks for all those nice words & advices.

I missed mentioning one point. My DD is not used to my PIL's because they only come once in a while to visit us.

Everyday she gets dropped off at my mom's place from school and then stays there till I come back from office ( Y'day also my DD was at my mom's place till 8, till I called up when starting from office) . But when my PIL's are with us they expect that she should be at home with them, but this little girl has her own preferences and she wants to go to my mom's place - now how do I tell a 3 year old child ? Thats probably what is bothering them....

Regards
Rani

Rani,

I beleive kids have lot of flexibility.When you start to work next time,just go without saying bye to your daughter and ask your FIl/MIL to take her to a walk.By that they come back she should be with her grand parents,also tell your in-laws that,if she don't adjust to them then ask her to drop at your parents place.It shows that you tried whatever you could.

Ranise, I think in your case its difficult to expect your ILs to be fair.

You treat your ILs as grandparents and they will treat you as a family. How can you even think of asking your DD to go to your parent's place when your PILs are here? Whatever be a 3 yr old wishes, you have to make her stay with your PILs. Tell her that they are her grandparents too and they will be fun to stay with. Tell her that grandpa will take her for a walk and get her an icecream or something like that. Frankly, It must have been VERY HURTFUL for them to see your DD not with them and in your Mom's place. When we cannot understand how you cannot convince a 3 yr old toddler to stay with her grandparents, how do you expect them to understand?

Give them the rights of Grandparents, Treat them like your Kid's GPs and then expect anything else from them.

Rani,
I don't think you should make your DD stay with your PIL is she is uncomfortable with them. after all she is only 3 and she needs to be in a place where she feels safe and comfortable since she is seperated from you for many hours during the day. But you can ask your PIL to take her for a walk or something during the weekend and let her get used to them. Take it slowly.

But please don't make her stay in a place where she doesn't want to. Respect her rights also.

i know it feels bad when you and dd wont get food at that night but ya i agree to vidhkarthik also.
i am not sure where your daughter could be but may be if she was at your parents home and returned they could have thought she already ate and is back but ya i am sure they have a reason to be upset..as they live here for a short period they expect their grand children to be with them atleast when they comback from school..

really sad to see adults behaving like this .. especially to a 3 yr old child who is their grandchild. frankly - im feeling so bad for ur DD.

ur DD need not be with ur in laws. better to keep her with your parents. dont say anything to ur in-laws now. if at all they ask, then tel them that its not healthy/good for a child to be hungry and not cared for. if they have any conscience, they might realize their mistake. if not.. then its just not worth telling them anything!!