Very disheartening

Rani.. a 3 yr old generally finishes dinner by 8pm & since she was at ur mom's place it wud have been assumed/ implicit that once you pick up ur daughter she wud have been fed or u'd have had dinner at ur moms place. Not to offend.. but it was actually wierd that both of you returned hungry from your mom's place.

Whether a person is lazy or no.. its difficult to see food being wasted.. b4 leaving home you should tell your ILs that you'd like to have dinner with 4 of you tog and also ask them if they want any help and what should be the menu for dinner & timings.. and in case you cant reach by that time then what to do etc.

Once you involve them.. they should involve you.... further if they dont then plzzzzzzzzzz dont expect them to cook for you.. if they're not a burden on you then why do you want to be.... when their son is around MIL's sure that atleast son will eat with her.

Thanks for all the mixed feedbacks !.

The question is not about why they did not cook for the child ( anyhow how much will the child eat ? ). My daughter always eats around 9 or 10 PM ( its a known fact to everyone ), and there is no hard rule that a child should eat at 8 PM only, it differs even on a day to basis based on when they sleep, what they would have eaten before and so on... Just because my mothers place is near by it should not be assumed that I will dinner there, infact in the last one week PiL's are here, we have been having dinner together - the only difference being that I was reaching home on time to make dinner. This day alone I was late and I had also informed when I called in the evening that I might be late at work.

In any case am I not part of the family, should I be "OK" if they had taken care of my DD but had not kept anything for me ? When I am at home my MiL never even looks towards kitchen - those times am I not cooking for everyone and taking care of all their needs.

People always blame the DiL for not taking good care of in-laws. But I know this is a universal problem, need to keep low and get respect. That's the reason did not try to question/argue on this issue with them.

Regards
Rani

I feel very bad to see how immatured your PIL's are, how could they have dinner in front of a 3 year old and not feeding her. If your DH hears this he to will feel sorry, well this happens many times in my house to, the only difference is my MIL will say she asked my DD and this girl refused, so u can see here it is only asking for a formality but not forcing are coaxing her to eat. They are inlaws after all, have to bear with it.

Hi i felt really bad after reading your post. The way your ILs behaved is really disgusting, You tell your hubby about this immediately and try to leave your 3 year old in your mother's place. Not making anything for you is ok becoz its common among ILs but not giving anything to your little ones and they finishing their dinner is too much. I felt sorry for whatever had happened.

When you informed them you will be late from work, Did you also tell them to make dinner for you and your daughter specifically? After telling so, if they did not prepare then I would blame them.

You are coming late..Your daughter is in your mother's place while your ILs are in town and they do not live with you. They may not have known your plans. Next time, be clear in your communication and then let us know if they did not cook.

Please think about leaving your daughter for a few hrs with your ILs too. Remember...Just like this food incident has hurt you so much..they would have also been hurt that inspite of their staying at your place..you leave your daughter with your parents and their time with their grandchild is taken away.

Rani,

Even if your kid had been fed at your mother's place, your PILs should be offering her food.It is WRONG whatever they did.My blood just boils.

When my neighbour's kid comes to my home even after her lunch during our lunch time, we make sure that she has something atleast while we are eating.I think almost all of us are that way.How can they do that to their own Granddaughter.

You have every right to be angry.You are one of the family member and they should have kept food for you.Period.And seeing an empty vessel at 9:00 P.M after work is just .

But if you want to be peaceful, just ignore them since they are going to stay with you for a week only.They are not worth a thought.

Do not forget to let your hubby know about their kindness.

Keep a cook for the period of your PILs stay, also let your DD stay with them, kids are very flexible and mix easily.
The kid gets up in the morning, goes to school ,comes home with mom,has dinner and goes off to sleep! Where is the time to play with GPs ?

How would it sound from PILs point of view?

After all they are Parents -IN-LAWS and not our PARENTS.

nothing much can be expected out of them dear.... forget it

Originally Posted by vidhkarthik

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Good one , Vidhya ! Just what I thought too.

Rani,

One day things turned different and some much of agony ? I agree about your kid wanting to stay with your parents more than your PILs.. But, had you ever tried to break the ice between them and make both more comfortable ? You could have taken a day off and spent time getting the older people and younger one close.. A 3 year old wouldnt be the best judge..

Let us say, your hubby was around after a long gap and your daughter feels ' uncomfortable ' being with him.. Would you still let her go to your parents when your hubby is at home ? No. You would rather bridge them and do things to make her comfortable.

See, the point here is just as you have some sad feelings about your inlaws maybe for a day's cooking or otherwise, your inlaws too could have issues with you.

One day they didnt cook for you and it is become soo disheartening for you ? C'mon Rani.. there is more to the problem and you know that well.

Take care and do not build any grudge or hard feeling inside them for you and vice versa ! Remember, your hubby will be back soon and he CAN ask you why you didnt attempt to get your daughter closer to his parents atleast when they visited for a few days.. Afterall , it is THEIR grand daughter as well. Just because they didnt cook one day for her, doesnt mean they dont love her ..

hmm.. take a step back and think.

May be PIL's might have thought you both had dinner at your mom's. Did you communicate your plans to them?

I don't see anything wrong in your PIL's action. They are not mind readers you know