in law politics _how to combat

i am married for 6 years and have a son ...ous is a love marriage ...but it seems my MIL and 2 SIL cannot forget the fact that our love affair ended in "love " marriage ...from the beginning my MIL very clearly made it clear I was not her choice , similarly SIL also made it appear as if I am being "dumped " on them and so they are forced to like me ... I have noticed in fornt of my husband they behave very nicely and oince he is not there , they are very rude,they will tell me to leave the room and go...i tell my husband and he tells me adjust as it is for few days ...i tell him waht if my brother behaves like that with him...he has no answer...my SIL and MIL will call up my husband and talk to him alone ...later my husband will say they were enquiring about u ... i don't understand if he says to keep my feelings or they actually asked about me...if they had enquired about me ...why did they just call to speak to my husband...any ideas how to tackle ...

Hi,
I've had a love marriage myself. But I don't live with my in-laws. As you may have seen, your problem occurs is most marriages. Not necessarily love marriage. Don't try to explain logic to your husband. You will never get a proper answer. Ofcourse he will never stand it if your brother treated him indiffernetly. Women have to adjust, thats what all men expect. You can do one of two things now. You can try to be right or smart! Being right you can fight with your hubby or try to explain how you feel put down by your in-laws and not say that you will not take that kind of behaviour from them any more. This way will accomplish nothing. You will have more misunderstanding between you and your hubby. Your in-laws will be happier than ever on finding this out.
The next thing that you can do is accept that your hubby is never going to be fair and your in-laws are never going to change. But you still have to live your life. The best thing to do is be smart. Don't expect fairness from your hubby. Don't expect acceptance from your in-laws. Just take things as they come. If they are good to you be good to them. If they are snotty, ignore them. If your hubby says something about your his parents and sister, listen with great interest. If he says that they inquired about you, ask him to tell them that you inquired about them. And smile when you say that. Don't give your in-laws the power to upset you. You go about your life, your hubby, your kids. You have better things to do than worry about them. You can play their game. Once they know that what they say is not affecting you then they won't know what to do. Don't let your husband get doubt that you are angry with your in-laws or fighting with them. Play it coooool. Life is never fair. Everything is not always about right and wrong. You cannot always fight evil whereever you find it. The best you can do is to see to it that you are not affected by it.

Learn to be happy. Your son is watching as he grows up. His life is much much more important than these petty issues. Your MIL and SIL have nothing better in their lives. If this is what makes them happy... let them be. You got the man you loved. Have a wonderful son. Just bring peace and happiness in your lfe by changing you attitude.

Be smart and Enjoy life.

Originally Posted by hippo

i am married for 6 years and have a son ...ous is a love marriage ...but it seems my MIL and 2 SIL cannot forget the fact that our love affair ended in "love " marriage ...from the beginning my MIL very clearly made it clear I was not her choice , similarly SIL also made it appear as if I am being "dumped " on them and so they are forced to like me ... I have noticed in fornt of my husband they behave very nicely and oince he is not there , they are very rude,they will tell me to leave the room and go...i tell my husband and he tells me adjust as it is for few days ...i tell him waht if my brother behaves like that with him...he has no answer...my SIL and MIL will call up my husband and talk to him alone ...later my husband will say they were enquiring about u ... i don't understand if he says to keep my feelings or they actually asked about me...if they had enquired about me ...why did they just call to speak to my husband...any ideas how to tackle ...

Hi,
I do agree with Shanti and Manisha. I want to suggest i more thing which i experienced good in life and that is meditation. You will feel relaxed . And try to accept that they are not going to change. You have to manage. When you cant change the situation try to manage that. Keep yourself cool, dont over react.
Have faith in God.

Hi,

This is nothing to do with IL politics. I just want to know from you more about meditation. I want to practice it, but no one to guide me. Can u give me some guidelines to start?

Thanks,
Triza.

hi Tirza,

Check this out...
http://www.artofliving.org/Centers/tabid/66/Default.aspx

regards,
Sharada

Hi hippo
I agree with Manisha. Don't care ab8 wat ur IL's think ab8 u. Enjoy that ur hubby loves u. He has taken a bold step to marry u without his family consent. Don't bother him by raising issue of ur IL's in front of him again & again , otherwise he will start feeling irritated by u & will start finding problem in u & thats wat ur MIL wants. When ur Hubby is around be polite with everyone & keep the atmosphere cheerful & later on keep urself busy with things u like, be urself. Look, one thing is very important to retain any relationship i.e., if u keep on talking ab8 problems u keep on moving away from other person. Everone likes happy & cheerful person so be that 4 ur hubby. Be happy & let him be.


Soha

HI,

IL problems r universal.. at this young age, i won't advise u to forget and carry on life normally.. bcos it is impossible. Yes..its true , u can't change them.. that doesn't mean..u have to forget and live happily ever after..

I underwent hell for many years..though i never lived with them...I dealt with it by keeping quiet, just ignoring them totally and never utter a single word and i treated them as though they don't exist around me. Now, after 20 years of marriage, I am considered a better person among other DILs, and even now, i talk just one word or 2 maximum, if they pose any question directly to me. Beyond that, i hate to communicate with such mean people and I do strongly believe in God and prayed so much fo my peace of mind during the times of turmoil. Every tear I shed, reflected pretty badly on my in laws's family now in a different way.. Though I am not gloating about it, I do realize that GOD exist after all.

So my advise to you would be keep quiet and concentrate on something useful, constructive, pray and be reasonable.. never pick fight and throw words at them.. it is not worth it.. I am sure it bothers your mind all day...u r not a saint.. but if u practice peace, it helps a great deal. UNSPOKEN WORDS HAVE BETTER IMPACT THAN SPOKEN WORDS.

I did it and I succeded in life and even today, when I look at my FIL, my mind is agitated beyond words.

Wish you peaceful life,
Geeth Priya.

hi
yes, i agree that meditation is another way of keeping urself calm,b'coz i practice it a lot,even if u can't sit in front of GOD's idol,
u can speak to urself,ur conscience,this way u can let ur agitation out,analyse what u think is right,without hurting others,do the way u feel is justified,don't over exert urself,just try to avoid things that u think can disturb u,and indulge urself in what gives u mental peace .
manisha

Hi,

Shanti, priya and manisha gave u the best suggestions .

Shanti has said some thing and i reaaly liked it.
it is as follows
If they are snotty, ignore them. If your hubby says something about your his parents and sister, listen with great interest. If he says that they inquired about you, ask him to tell them that you inquired about them. And smile when you say that. Don't give your in-laws the power to upset you. You go about your life, your hubby, your kids. You have better things to do than worry about them. You can play their game. Once they know that what they say is not affecting you then they won't know what to do. Don't let your husband get doubt that you are angry with your in-laws or fighting with them. Play it coooool. Life is never fair. Everything is not always about right and wrong. You cannot always fight evil whereever you find it. The best you can do is to see to it that you are not affected by it.


bestof luck

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