In Law Visit - Help!

Ohh, one more thing. Even if I do cook Indian food for us it means dinner (fresh rice, sambar or rasam, one curry, chips or pappadums), and we have a light breakfast (coffee and toast) and lunch (usually pasta, because my husband says he gets sleepy with Indian food for lunch). However, what should I prepare for breakfast and lunch for my in-laws? I'd like to have a few meals planned out until they're settled down here and all. We have a cappuccino machine so I can make great coffee :D but we usually have sprouted bread and fruit at breakfast and that's it.

Sometimes I prepare tiffin (vadas or pakoras, chutney and tea or coffee), I just love seeing the food fry :D. Or I make a sweet for after dinner (payasam or burfi). I have a hard time with anything that needs to be soaked for 24 hours, because I love cooking whatever I feel like cooking. What would be more or less expected for a full day? I'm not really looking for shortcuts, but I really want to cook ahead and freeze/store things at least. I think I will feel self conscious cooking a big fare in front of my in-laws the first few days (especially because I still follow the cookbook) and would rather make it look like it's not a big deal.

Hi Marisa,

As every one said, you are a wonderful daughter-in-law and your in-laws are fortunate to have a DIL like you.Already you got all the required suggestios from our other members, I too want to add 1 or 2 to the suggestion list.

Regarding breakfast, you can prepare easy ones like upma, aloo poha(prepared with rice flakes) etc which hardly take 2 mins time. you can even try noodles.

If they eat non-veg, you can prepare egg fried rice but never cook beef or pork because Indians don't eat them.


Regarding cleaning the lamps, you can just clean it with tissue paper and you can clean it with dish cleaner once in a week.

Reg. cooking, let her cook but just tell her that if she wants to cook she can or else she can take rest and you will do it.Also tell her that you don't want her to work hard here as she anyways has to do all the work in India.

Tell her that if she wants you to do anything or change anything (what ever it is) she can tell you as you are like her daughter.

Please don't sit cross legged before your in-laws. if they are talking to you(especially your FIL) while standing, let them first sit and then you sit.


this may sound silly to you but most of the times elders in the family expect this type of respect from youngsters.


If anything else is needed, get back to me .hope what ever I wrote will be helpful to you.

bye.

Geetha

Thanks GeethaVani! Especially the information about the sitting thing, since I'm really not used to standing up and waiting for people to sit first. Just not practiced at home.

I can make upma, and that's simple, thanks! Never made it for breakfast, but it won't hurt to try. We're all strict vegetarians, so that's fine, although I do eat eggs. I will probably just skip buying them while they're here.

The lamp gets tarnished a lot. It's silver but within a week it looks all dull golden color. It takes me a lot of scrubbing with metal sponge and still I can't get to the nooks and crannies. The oil also goes very quickly, and I need to change it once a day or every other day. Will my MIL take over the lamp lighting while she's here, or should I go ahead? It's all the tiny details what worry me :D

Hi

Am so touched with your post.

I really appreciate all the efforts you are putting for the upcoming inlaws visit.

I hope you MIL and FIL like the gift u have bought and they stay would be so pleasant that they remember it for lifetime.

May God bless you!

Take care,

Dear Marisa,

Have been following this thread. Now I have come to a conclusion, I may still be wrong:

You are getting too worked up! :) Remember this mantra..."Take it easy" ! Just relax. When you are uptight and over cautious, you are bound go wrong. Maybe a mistake will happen here and there. It is not the end of the world. By now, you have assurance from many here that you have done the ground work and have set the stage. You are keen to please them and your advance preparations will show that. If your in-laws are kind and normal folk, they will at once realize and fall into step. If your in-laws are difficult sort, no amount of pampering or cajoling will help. YOU must realize one thing...You have done your best, rest is up to God.
I wish you all the Best. But now, you Must relax:)

L, Kamla

hi Marisa,
my 2 cents..
The first few days they will sleep... jet lag and the time difference! they will be awake in the night.
Ask ur MIL to teach you Indian cooking... Especially, ask her what ur husband liked as a child and learn to do it. May be one dish per meal. She will be very pleased to oblige. FIL will be into TV prg.
Albums make a good 'time pass'. You could tell a story with each picture. Also helps them to get to know you and your family. Also, old family videos.
Invite your relatives ( one family per day) to come and meet ur ILs.
May be you should rent a car and drive them around. It would be good to get some fresh air. Take them grocery shopping.
People in india will ask them what they brought from US/DIL. Any gift will be well appreciated as they will convert the dollar amount into rupees. You could also take them to a 'dollar' shop and buy gifts for their grand children/other relatives.
regards,
Sharada

Thanks again!

Workingmom, I hope they like the gifts too.

Kamla, I know I'm worrying too much, but it's just my way of processing things. Worrying so much online allows me to relax a bit more in real life :D

SoSure, thanks a lot to remind me I need gifts for the family back in India. I've been so caught up with the requests of my own family that I forgot about the little ones in India. I talked with my husband and will inquire their sizes and etc. so that I can match to what I got for my nephews back at home, mostly good shoes, clothes and books, which I think is better for little boys that loud toys :D

And just to be clear, my in laws are lovely people. They accepted me with open arms during the wedding and they spoil me sending me saris because they know I love wearing them. They are even shipping laddus to us because they know that's the only sweet I like. I just want to make sure things go well during this visit because we're so used to living alone and far from family that we'll probably need to adjust more than most.

Marisa,

I nominated you for the finest post. You made a lot of us think broadly about cultural differences.
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/63986-post17.html

Unchartered territory here..but a couple of simple tips.

1. Get Indian TV channels (Sun, Zee or whatever the language of your inlaws). My father and mother spent whole day in front of the Indian TV watching all sorts of boring stuff. It is a great way to keep them focused on something else so that you don't have to feel the burden/guilt of having to keep them entertained.

2. The thing that drives a lot of Indian parents crazy is the silence and absence of people in US neighbourhoods. If you know any place nearby where there would be people, please introduce that place to them. They would love to walk to that place once or twice a day.

Regarding pleasing Indian Mother-In-Laws, if only I knew a few techniques that consistently works.....! You have got variety of perspectives from others here. Best of luck!

hi marisa,
ur goin great guns da.just be this way and i am sure ur in laws will be impressed.
few pointers that cud help is ask them abt their traditions and relatives. they generally like that since the dil takes interest in their family.
i think ur idea of gift is perfect. it wud have cost u more it just shows ur love if ur mil feels its expensive just tell her it was out of luv for her.i think ur genuine in ur feelings so this will definitely not be a lie.and all of like gifts dun we?
and if ur fil or mil likes readin books u can take them to the nearest lib to get somethin they wud like to read
and regardin lamp lightin just do it urself and if she wishes to do it let her do so.
as our other friends said u cud use the lib for the presentation.
do tell us how it all went.
be cool and takecare and just be urself
luv
pavithra

Dear marisa,
you are a very charismatic person, from the way u hve put forth this issue, let me add my 2 cents here, kindly see to it that there is a exhaust fan in the toilet whereby it is dry after use, this is very important for old people.indian mothers love to cook for their sons so dont bother cooking just leave the ingredients and lots of fresh veg, let her pamper her son and u.
many disastors occur in india due to this... wish u all the best..regards sunkan