Arrogant parent inlaws

HI All,

I have been married for 4 years now but my situation hasn't changed in this past 4 years. Am I a fool or my PILS are so arrogant? right from the marraige my PILs have problems with my parents they were scolding my parents with abusive language and I was hearing everything without uttering anything I was made to cut the contacts with my own parents while I was in US for like 2 years I had unofficial contacts with them even my husband was not aware of it after 3 years i finally convinced my husband to see my parents so he faught with his parents did something and I went to India to see my parents where in one month for two weeks only I was with my parents and remaining two weeks I was with my inlaws My inlaws have been to US twice. I worked like 1 and half year now I am again with no job. while coming from india back my MIL tried to say again some bad things about my parents but this time I shouted on her saying to just give it a break as it has been already 3 years for how many more years she will continue this. Now again I am in US and the situation is same I have been made to cut the contacts with my parents but my Husband has allowed me to talk to them once in a month.we are planning for kids My MIL wants to come she doesn't want my Mother to come I don't know if they will send to my brother's marraige which will be mostly in next year april. I don't know how to deal with her? even my FIL uses abusive language. My hsuband mostly supports me but he doesn't talk to my parents it's been 3 years he also hates my parents. I don't understand what to do? Is this common my mother never had a mother in law she was dead even before her marraige I don't understand what to do .Please help me out?

Dear Dew,

Who is making you cut all contacts with your parents? You said your husband is unaware. So have your inlaws asked you not to keep in touch with your parents? They are in India right? So why do you have to listen to them? They are your parents and you can do whatever you want to with them, whether it is talking to them or inviting them over or whatever. What right do your inlaws have to ask you not to talk to your parents. Im sorry if I have misunderstood your post.

As I see it, you did whatever they asked you earlier by cutting all contacts with your parents, etc., and STILL your inlaws abused you right? So no matter what you do, be good to them etc, they still dont treat you well.

I think it is time to stand up for yourself. All the best in trying for a baby. When the time comes, tell your DH that you would be more comfortable with YOUR mum coming to take care of you rather than your MIL. It seems like your husband supports you most of the time, so it should be okay. Be firm.

Take care

one thing is not clear
u in US and Pils in india
how can they stop u?
u said ur dh mostly supports u ..so well and good cant he understand a child has everyright to talk to her parents any time .how can u be deprived of it?
and wat are u hiding?why should u hide? .ur talking to ur parents.u have everyright for that.
and coming to ur brothers marriage who can stop u untill and unless its a legitimate reason?

ignore ur mil.

hi, first congrats on finally putting your feet down againt your MIL, but sorry to say, i dont understand the issue properly. you are contradicting yourself in saying, your husband supports you , but then he restricts you from talking to your parents and has given you permission to talk to them once a mnth!! what kind of understanding and support is that?? are there any underlying issues/history to this behaviour of your husband to your parents? if there is, try to solve it first. if its baseless, then i think you should first deal on how to make your relationship with your husband work. dont bring a kid into your lives without sorting out these issues.
As for your PILS preventing you from contacting your parents, i agree to the above posters.. how can they physically do that when they are so far away? Unless their son is doing exactly what they want and not being supportive to you??

btw this is not normal behaviour of PILS or normal sane human beings.. these are how twisted people work.

1. Did ur parents did something wrong or said to ur PILs? why ur dh is not talking to them? If he supports u, u can talk to anyone in the world wdr PILs permit or not.
2.Even if parents did wrong. They must have said sorry to ur PILs. Make ur dh understand that only mom can take best care of u n ur child not anyone else.
3. Dont take abusive things abt ur parents. If u dont talk back they will be encoraged to talk.

Otherwise as ur in US away from PILs, u can talk anytime u want. y ur dh permits u to talk only once in a month?

HI All,

Thanks for replying to my post. I am actually in touch with my parents but earlier my husband was not aware of it as it was just initial days of my marraige I used to hide it from him aswell but now I am telling him that I will be in touch with them no matter and not I am not telling that to my inlaws as they will make my life hell. Regarding My parents and PILS fight we all know there will be some mistakes in marraige but we all forget that and live on our lives but my inlaws they have fun in raising old topics and fighting for it. My inalws are very orthodox kind of persons they do a lot of stuff to their girls inlaws like taking them to hotels and movies and all. My parents stay in Pune and my inlaws in Chennai but still they expect the same as coming from that state and doing all those stuff. My parents do say sorry for some things they did not do but my dear PILS are not ok with it I don't know what they want.
Regarding my DH he takes good care of me but when it comes for my parents issue he also scolds them saying they should behave as girls parents which they are not behaving and all. I don't even understand what to do. I don't want Divorce I want a Happy marraige. Please help me out.

Dew,

You should ask your husband that,suppose if you guys get a baby girl and after rasing 20 years and do you expect your daughter not calling and stopped by her husband.Do you appretiate the SIL?

People should realise they will be in same boat one day.I have 2 daughter and my husband now understand little bit what would be like a girl father.

Does your husband has any sisters?

Hi all,

I am really in situation where I don't know what to do please help me out. My inlaws hate my parents. They don't talk to them properly. when my parents call them up they hang up the phone once it so happened that when my parents went to vist them they shut the doors on their face. it's been 4 yeras of my marraige I came to US they restricted me from talking to my parents but since I wa sin US I was continuing it without my inaws knowledge. Had one India trip 6 months ago where luckily I don't know why my inalws were nice to me and my parents I went to my parents place had a nice time but agian while coming back I and my MIL had some hetaed arguments because of which after coming back to US again they have restricted me from talking to my parents. but though I ma talking to them again my Inlaws don't know about this. my DH is a neutral guy he knows that his parenst are acting wierd but he says that is how any boys parents would behave it's normal. it's been 6 months that I am back in US . whenever my parents call them they hang up the phoen or don't even pick up the phone now if I ask my parents to stop calling them and stop getting humiliated then after few days my inlaws will again raise topic as how dare her parents did not come and beg us to talk to her daughter. that is how any girls parents should behave they should always behave like beggars has no choice . Now the thing is I am pregnant I ahven't told it my inalws yet since it is only second month now when I will tell them after few weeks. what should I do? Though I will tellmy parents unofficailly but that is not what I want. I wnat to tell them officaillly with my inlaws knowledge and I want a peaceful pregnanacy 10 months ago becasue of these heated discussions only I was stressed out and had a miscarraige. I don't wnat that to happen this time. I really want a baby. I don't knwo what to do. If I be firma nd talk to my inlaws and say that I will call my parents they will again raise the fight if my dh gets involved and say she should talk to her parents they say she is playing woth you you don't get involve in all this stuff. she is sitting back or hiding behind the curtain and making fun of you. they are really sick people. I really don't understand what to do? Please read my story and help me out. please.

Dear Dew,

I think I had replied to a similar thread that you had posted a few days ago.

You are an adult and can make your own decisions. Your inlaws cannot force you to not talk to your parents. And uhm, for the record, this is not how boy's parents behave, as your hubby said and it is not normal. And as you are in the US and his parents in India, I am not sure what you are scared of. Even if you call your parents, how will your inlaws come to know that you have been calling them? Does your husband tell them this? Why do you need their permission to call and speak to your own parents?

With regards to your inlaws humiliating your parents again and again, it is time that your parents stop talking to them and ignore them completely. What does your MIL mean by saying that girls parents should come and beg us to talk to their daughter? My blood is boiling thinking of this.

I dont think the relationship will get any better. Why I am saying this, is that there will always be something to worry and stress about. But you have to realize that you need to put yours and your baby's needs ahead of anyone or anything else. If you let these things get to you, it will only harm you in the long run.

My suggestion is as you are in the US, away from your inlaws, you are still better off. When you talk to your inlaws on the phone, just talk what is necessary and if they say things out of the way, just give the phone to your hubby and let him do the talking.

Just take care of yourself and I hope you have a happy and safe pregnancy.

Hi Muskaan,

Thanks for your suggestions it's just that I can ignore my inlaws my parents can ignore them but they will not allow us to live pecefully. they call me ask me if I am in contacts with my parents if I say yes they will yell and shout like anything if I say No they again scold my parents saying that how irresponsible parents and all that's what I am so fed up of.and my dh simply blames my parents syaing they are not behaving as girls parents and blah blah this is what is annoying me. anyways as you said I should turn a deaf ear to what ever they are saying and live my life. but you know what when they scold it's really a very abusing language which a normal educated person will not like to hear that is the reason that I try to avoid any conflicts with them. luckily my dh is not having that languagae the only reason I am staying here is since he is lil bit different and civilized from them. If he was similar to them I don't what I would have done but thank you for your advise muskaan.