Arrogant parent inlaws

Dear Dew,

If I was in your place, I would warn them once very firmly that I do not want to listen to their shoutings and that if they continue to do so, I will not talk to them. Period.

How is your husband saying things like that, that your parents are not behaving as girl's parents should. What does he mean by that? How does he expect girl's parents to behave? To beg their daughter's inlaws to allow them to talk to their daughter? If tomorrow you have a baby girl, is that how he would like to be treated??

Dew, you have to take it in your own hands to change things. If you just keep quiet, they will think they have an upper hand on you and continue to behave in the same way. You dont have to lose your self-respect just because they are your husband's parents. The next time you speak to them, talk in a nice manner but the minute they start abusing you, just put an end to it then and there. If you cannot give them a earful back, either give the phone to your hubby or just hang up. They have no right to treat you this way. Dew, you are pregnant now and you have to learn to filter out the good things from the bad, so take in what you like and leave the rest out.

Please take care of yourself. I hope things go well for you.

Dear Dew,
Your problem is similar to mine. I have gone through this phase. MIL told me that ‘after marriage we are your parents, you should not visit your parents anymore’. I use to obey MIL like a good DIL all the time but the reality came out when I delivered the baby. Here at US, they want themselves to be treated like VIP guest. Even when I was feeling fatigue in 9^th month or after delivery, I made lunch-dinner for them. But they always complaint that in our time we use to do more work than you.
Just a little suggestion to you, please don't call your IL at the time of delivery of baby at US. I have done this mistake & still facing its consequences. That was the horrible period of my life. The MIL who doesn’t understand their DIL feelings can never become her parents. Save yourself & your hubby from emotional trauma. Think of some good excuse to give it to your hubby like ‘you don’t like your in-laws to work while you are lying on bed’. Either call your parents or a good Nanny. Just stick to this decision & call your MIL after 3 months of delivery. Everything will turn fine.
Keep in touch with your parents & don’t inform your in-laws about it. I am sure your hubby will agree to this. Have a pleasant pregnancy.

Dear Friends,

I know MIL coming for delivery is never a good decision but even if my DH support me and say my parents will come my inlaws will create such a big scene last pregnancy I had a miscarraige because of this tension only. my DH in the first trimester only told them that my parents wil come you will not come that's it they shouted like hell at me and my DH saying how dare you say that.how dare you can call her parents and so on. i took lot of stress and had a miscarraige. after having miscarraige my MIL blames me that I should be blamed for my miscarraige. this time you be mentally prepared that I will only come and be happy with it don't even think that your parents wil come and so. She gives the reason that for her daughter her MIL came my MIL was not allowed so she wants to do the same here. I don't know what will happen in future but this time I don't want to take any stress. god knows what will happen. I want to say to my DH if my mother won't come I don't even want my MIL lo come but my MIL has 10 yrs visa and my husband wnts somebody to come. my MIL won't allow my parents. so I don't know what will happen. Even my FIL supports her like hell.don't know what to do :( :(

Dew .. pls relax... else u'll be harming your baby.
When its inevitable you have to accept it... take that pain similar to delivery pain.. u cant deliver a child without pain.. treat it as an extended pain & injury to self esteem. It'll make you stronger.
Who knows that she may pour her heart on to the child...

My ILs forced my mom to come for delivery and then landed soon after my del and then told me to send my mom back... she said & insulted me enuff.. I had to cook my own breakfast & lnch etc.. thankfully they were managing themselves... she used to do everything that a typical MIL would do.
I told my gynec and she consoled me.. take it as a C-sec and endure it.. u'll be stronger. Really I was back to work v soon with no regrets.

hie !!dew 99
ask ur husband wether he wants a baby or not...or he wants to b his parents baby all his life????tell ur husband that u can have a baby only if u r free of tensions.DONOT TALK TO UR ILS WEN UR HUSBAND DOES NOT TALK TO UR PARENTS.......DONOT LISTEN TO UR ILS....TAKE A STAND MY DEAR...now is the time...wat future will u give to ur baby...atleast think of the life yet to b borrn.be confident...become like goddess kali.BE BOLDDDDD
DONT EVVER CALL UR MIL...after delivery of ur baby ......even if ur mom canot come.I DID EVERRTHING MYSELF....NOBODY TO HELP...BELIEVE ME THOUGH TOUGH PHYSICALLY(I HAD CESARIAN)..but i had mental peace..
STOP TALKING TO UR PIL....BUT TALK TO UR PARENTS EVEN IN FRONT OF UR DH..U SHOULD.if he scolds u ,then tell him u will stop , onlyif he stops talking to his parents also...IF U DONT TAKE A STAND NOW IT WILL B NEVER..THIS IS THE TIME (WEN U R PREGNANT)
ur mil will try to let u down ,abuse u and ur parents...make ur husband understand that, fvrom so far she is stressing u ,wat will happen if she comes here?tell him does he want his baby and wife alive or not?????
it is on him....plzzzzdonot call ur mil....instead hire a nany....for part time

My blood is boiling with anger and frustration after reading this.I can imagine how difficult it must be for you.
Just to tell you this is pathetic thinking that because they are girls parents they should lie on the feets of husband and his parents.
Please tell your husband next time that he is a sexist.Who says India is developing.Its going backward people are moulding and misusing the culture according to their benefits.
According to them abusing someone's daughters is what in -laws do and pride for.
I am sorry but i could not control my feelings.I wish you get a baby girl and then your husband understands the feelings of a girl's father.
They all are sick.
You can not call your mother..don't call her...But try to convince your husband to call his mother some other time and not during full pregnancy as you want rest and privacy during that time as you will be uneasy if she working in the kitchen and you taking rest.If she still insists on coming then just try not to feel anything and expect worst.Be mentally prepared and try to keep yourself happy and focused by joining pregnancy and delivery preparation classes,swimming,yoga,go for a walk twice a day,go to library or join some course(online or certification) so that you become busy in your studies..Pamper yourself and don't expect anything from anybody.Keep the doors of your heart shut so that nothing negative can get inside.