My MIL ..... Greatest!

Dear All,
Please do not reject me out right as 'MCP,' after reading this post.
You would all agree that certain actions in life warrant certain reactions, whether you like it or not. This was one such.
My unconditional apologies, if I had hurt anyone's sensibilities, while expessing the 'other' side of the issue.
Enjoy, if you can.
Rgds,
Rrg
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Few years back, during my last posting in Chennai, I had called my office colleagues, alongwith their families, for a get together. The idea was to mingle as families, outside the office environ, so that the team gets closer.

I expressed that it could be fun, if such a get together could be organised once in 3 months, atleast. There was unanimous 'ayes' all around from our colleagues.
Many of them turned up with their wives & kids and few with excuses, for the non-participation of their 'eager' wives. There were a couple of bachelors as well.
Be that as it may, I felt it was a good beginning, given the very short notice.

Initially, the guests were sitting as couples and exchanging pleasantries.
The kids were huddled in front of TV watching some cartoons like 'Tom & Jerry' show.
But once, more number of couples started arriving, ladies enblock moved to a separate corner, leaving gents in a group to discuss office politics. All was well for the first 15 minutes or so, till we heard a loud laughter from wives' corner. Men became curious. It was not long before we realised that the discussions were on MILs and SILs, laid bare on the table, with respective DW performing their dissections, for the merriment of the congregation. I could feel a sense of uneasiness in some of my colleagues, as some ladies in the group glanced at them and giggled.
It was clear that at that moment, their mothers / sisters were at the receiving end from their DW.

I called my DW over and suggested that as a hostess, she do something to change the topic amongst ladies.
She replied, " Relax, dear. You do not know. Kitty parties are always like this".
"Kitty party? With so many kitten, of female species, sitting around with eyes agog, eagerly listening to all these dirty linen being washed in public? Damn,it. It is supposed to be a get-together of families," I countered.
"Dhayavu saidu, pombalaigal vishyattil thalayidantheengo" (Pl do not interfere in ladies' matter).
"Perhaps we could organise some games for everyone like Thambola or .....", I suggested.
She checked with the group and returned.
"Going by the mood, the ladies are not interested in any other games at the moment. May be after an hour or so ... ".
With that she left for organising the snacks etc.

I realised that it was for me to do something quick to change the mood of my colleagues.
Suddenly it stuck me, 'Why not organise a contest amongst men to decide on the best MIL'.
Going by the TV advt for some health drink, where one young boy claimed "My Daaddy..... Strongest!" perhaps we could name the contest "My MIL.... Greatest!".
This, when I suggested to my colleagues, was received with great enthu.
Even the bachelors in our group were keen to participate, on behalf of their GFs' mothers.

I hurriedly drew up the rules of the game - listing out the attributes for determining 'the greatest'.
Only those who had come to the party with their wives could participate. The bachelor boys & unaccompanied DHs declared in eligible.
Each SIL would first prepare the supportive arguments asto why they consider their MIL, the greatest. For this purpose15 min would be allotted.
Thereafter a presentation would be made, for abt 5 min, by each of the SIL, on their MIL.
The attributes for 'greatness' could cover:
1) Overall appearance / conduct;
2) Superiority in terms of ability (including skill sets)
3) Managing the household (including control exercised over inmates);
4) Effective training given to DW (cooking to controlling)
5) Achievement of outstanding significance, if any; &
6) Anyother attribute that the SIL considered appropriate for the topic.
The presentation was to end with atleast one performance of his MIL that the SIL felt could not be matched by any other MIL.

The moment I announced the contest, there was huge appaluse from men & pin-drop silence in the wives' corner.
Within seconds all wives were with their respective DH, leaving their MILs & SILs on the dissection table, to fend for themselves.
Their (DWs) glances at DHs ranged from threatening to outright dirty.
But, SILs, in their euphoria, did not seem to bother. They were all busying themselves for their presentation.
The look my wife gave me could have frozen a fiery volcanoe on its track.
" So, you are upto some of your Kumbakonam mischief? Better stop this game. We could as well play Thambola or whatever....," she hissed, exposing her Palghat leanings. :rant
"Not at all, dear. I only thought that SILs also might enjoy a similar game their wive's were playing all along. Now, it is too late to stop it. Let the wives also join and let us have some collective fun, any way, " I smiled.

Each SIL came up with such a colourful description of their MIL that I am not certain what treatment they got on getting back home, after the party. (Could be only black & blue :biglaugh). Needless to mention, by and large, I exercised adequate caution in my presentation, fully aware of the consequences of my antagonising my DW / MIL for one evening of fun.
The winner was decided on the basis of an open voting system. All, including the bachelors, as also DWs (excepting kids) were eligible to vote.
But, as expected, none of the DWs exercised their vote.
My MIL was declared the winner of the contest hands down, almost unanimously, for her performance in below incident.

Once, I alongwith FIL, MIL & DW travelled by train in ordy 2nd class /3 tier, from Madras to Ernakulam Jn.
We had two lower and two upper berths. Despite, my suggesting that both elders occupy the lower berths, MIL insisted on occupying one top berth, claiming that she was fit to climb up and infact prefered the top berth. So, DW & FIL occupied lower berths and MIL & myself, the upper ones.
Midnight, I heard some one shouting non-stop, "Ayyayyo......, Ayyayyo......Ayyayo...".
I immediately switched on the compartment light.
One guy, with his fractured leg in POP, was lying down in the passage. It transpired that he had managed entry into the reserved compartment by tipping the TTE, after all of us going to bed. He was sleeping in the passage, perhaps. None of us knew about his presence in our compartment.
He was in a state of shock, holding on to his abdomen and howling.
He claimed someone quite heavy, had deliberately jumped upon his neither region, when he was asleep and then disappeared.
Even though I switched on the light the moment he started shouting, there was no one to be seen near by, who could be held responsible for his plight.
He kept shouting through out, uttering choicest abuses at the unknown person.
While the entire compartment was up by his ruckus, wide awake, my MIL was fast asleep in her berth. I suspected something fishy, but kept quiet then.
On reaching Ernakulam I asked her whether she heard the guy shouting through out night.
She said that she had heard everything but did not deliberately get up.
It turned out that at mid night she wanted to use the toilet. While climbing down, as she could not get a proper foothold on the lower berth, she jumped backwards, from the middle berth, directly landing on the abdomen of the guy lying in the passage. She was initially shocked at her soft landing, as she never expected to land on anything soft there. She was scared out of her wits, when the guy started howling out of the blue and could not bring herself around even to see what had happened.
So, in one acrobatic leap she managed to get back on to the top berth and covered herself, even before I could switch the light on. A performance that could make even an Olympic gymnast feel proud, for the agility, speed & perfection of execution.
She forgot all about going to the toilet for the next 4 hours or so. She sensed some relief only after the injured guy got down from the train.
It is this acrobatic performance and therefater her self-control that ensured her getting the "Greatest MIL" award. :rotfl

During my next visit to in-laws, I handed over the multicoloured china clay flower vase to my MIL - saying that it was the reward for being a 'Great MIL'. She was mightily pleased.
Even today, the vase is majestically standing in her drawing room, reminding me & my wife of the only party of my colleagues that we could hold, during our posting of five years in Madras.

Bye for now & Cheers!
Rrg