One Good Thing about your MIL

Dear Puni,
you have done a good job by coming out in a positive way about your mil and other members have followed you well. I too have some good memories of my mil.
1. I had my son only after 4 years. She was very supportive and was a moral strength during that time. She empathised with me and understood my embarrassment about going to various functions where the childless woman is asked to take care of the grinding stone (like it is a baby). She herself will give excuses for my inability to participate.
2. She took care when I was not well. She made me rest and never said that I was feigning sickness.
3.She admitted whole haertedly that she felt at home only at our house, she could be free to cook and had access to every thing in the house. I kept everything as per her convenience as she was blind in one eye.
4.She took care of my son as far as she could- gave him good food, made juice for him every day ( I was working then) and kept an eye on the maid who was there to look after my son.
5.She never asked me what my people had given me or not given me. Never said anything when I used to buy things for my family.
6. She gave good respect to my people when they visited me- always telling me to entertain them well. She used to get sarees for my mother and chithi and sil whenever they visited us.
Now when I am down with a migrane, I always think of her- she would have asked me to rest and done the cooking.

Hi Varloo,
YOu are very lucky to have such a mother in law.
Hope you feel better from your migraine.

Take care,
Punitha

Hi All,

My MIL and FIL are not with us anymore. My FIL died even before my marriage and my FIL died a few mths after my marriage. But the few mths that I had with my MIL I learnt a lot from her. She was a strong, stubborn, person. My husband informed me later that my MIL ran the family finances and managed to raise three kids with the little salary that came from my FIL's job as a govt school teacher. She ran various small businesses, like setting up small sweet shop during deepavali time. She was a LIC agent, She used to raise cows to sell milk for nearby restaurants. She raised chickens to sell eggs, she has done a lot of other odds and ends to keep her family well. She did not have that much education, was brought up in Kerala, and came to live in Tamilnadu with her husband. She ran small businesses like those knowing very little Tamil.
By God's grace we are now enjoying the fruits of her labor and hard work that she put forth to raise my husband and his two sisters. We often think about her and wish that she was with us here now to enjoy the good life that we have as a result of the education my husband received because of his parents, especially his mother. I wish I had some more time to get to know her even more and learn from her the strength and energy she had. I wish my children could get to know her and learn from her. My MIL was a great woman of courage and vitality.

Love,
Jothi.

Every one would like to enter a marraige with the mind frame that they are going into another parents house. (here I am referring to second parents mentioned by some in this thread). In real life don't our parents get really mad at us?? don't we also rebel against their oldfashioned thinking?? thing is it is easier to make up with parents than with MIL/FIL/SIL.

My MIL is:
1. A very good cook...learned cooking their way and abandoned mom's way
2. A control freak...... I Learned to be that way too....abandoned my moms gentleness
3. A good gossiper...... I Learned to gossip her way ....abandoned my view/resolution of not to talk about others
4. A good conversationalist .....by nature i am too
5. Very good with Needle point..... I Displayed all her embroidery in nice frames all around our home.
6. Very good at crochet......learned some basic stuff from her

We have learned to put up with each other and she has learned to reign in #'s 2 & 3

Pushpa

Hello CoolCool,
I coudn't control my laughing by reading your post.
Don't feel bad, even myself and my co-sister will always have great time talking about her and her deeds.

Take care,
Punitha

Hi,
Read all your posts, at some cant stop smiling, at some cant compare with my own MIL.

MIL is not Monster-in-law but for me she is Matured-In-Law. She had faced lots of hardships from her own so she wanted all three of us to lead a very happy and peaceful life. Her way of hosting anyone coming home be it her relatives, FILs or her DILs, she is the best host. She took my father as her brother. She was my mother's aunt's close friend (friend from 8th standard), till the end they maintained their friendship. Still my mother's aunt lingers in the fresh memories of their childhood days.

I got pregnant after 2 years of marriage but it got terminated after 3 months, as my inlaws stayed near the hospital than my parents she asked my mother to go home take rest and come back the next day with all that I needed. It was she who stayed with me the night.

Before that pregnancy as it had been 2 years doc suggested test for both of us and she didnot fret but pushed my husband too to take the test(he was a pre-mature baby born at 6 months and 10 days). Infact she had a nice fight with my FIL also for this.

She took care of the kids of my BILs so well, that I wanted her to do it for my children too but the LORD wanted her there to take care of him it seems so he took her off to her when I was pregnant with my daughter for 5 months.

Apart from that she was a Tamil Pandit who had completed her M.A. MEd but was good at maths too. So soft spoken and a lovely person.

The way she wears her 9 yards, I have seen none wearing it like that and it suits her like anything and when she comes to do the puja wearing it she looks a real goddess. She has never fretted to help my FIL in his daily puja rituals, making sweet pongal and Vadai on all tuesdays and fridays, making these along with a mixed rice on full moon days(evening puja), the entire Navarathri is celebrated with lots of puja in our family and that too she had done it, but we three DILs can never match her in all these things though we try to do it with all our effort.

She is the guiding spirit for not only us but also for our daughter who has never seen her in person. She will keep her rankcard, certificates and marksheets in front of her before showing it to me or to her father and in the same way she will pray to her before going out too.

Want to tell more. But now I want to linger in her pleasant thoughts so I am stopping here.

In telugu there is a saying "ATTA leni kodalu UTTAMURALU " means a dil who dosent have mil is v gud in all respects
BUT
unless u have a mil u wont have the maza in life
life wud be so tasteless so dull so calm and quiet
u need some masala in life and it comes with mil only
now dont start scolding all of u

i am v truthful and honest in my own way

my mil is really v gud i have more of positive points than negative towards her

she is 78 but looks so young sometimes she is v active than me
god loving lady who tells me to trust god and he wil take care of everything
a great veena player has her own time wht my son who is learning flute and their jugalbandi is worth watching in evening times whn both r at leisure.
u knw she is the best cook i have ever come across tht is the reason for me to put on so much wt after my marriage :((
she always encouraged me to pursue my career and education she promised to take care of my kid in my abscence all my education and career have her as the backbone if not for her i wud not have done anything for last 15 yrs i wud have been a homemaker only.
she has given all gud qualities to her sons and eventually i got a v loving caring husband i thank her whole heartedly for tht.
she manages everything well i am amazed at her potential
she is uneducated in means of degrees but has all the education required to judge people and their mentality correct
a person of few words but conveys her meaning so clearly
i am more comfortable in her prescence than my moms means i forgot totally i am not her dil but her own daughter
whnever i step out of my house i have a hand to catch like a kid and that is my mils like a small kid whose hands their parents catch to walk i hold her and go out anywhere she needs support to walk and i love to do tht
she has no daughter and i also dont have one
so
she is my daughter and i am hers

now whn i have to think of her negative aspects i dont mind them because i dont find them so important and i have to sit and think actually wot they are also.

Hai puni88,
don't go overboard, the other side will run to pages. Better not written. I am a postive person and am trying to see good aspects of the people who have made my life hell.
But as they say, to give the devil its due. (hubby does not visit IL)

Hi Ladies,

It is always as interesting as to read the posts by everyone about their personal experience.

My MIL who is no more, not very good at the beginning as ours is a love cum arranged marriage. Since she didn't get a traditional DIL of her choice with tons of gold, silver, money etc., she wasn't too thrilled. But after about 5 years, when I visited her she was such an angel to me in every way...

The traits i admired are:

She criticises a lot about many things in people as much as she COMPLIMENTS..

She was a very active person irrespective of her chronic asthma problem for the last 30 years.

She likes for my active Type A personality.. which she came to admire after her second son got married to her choice (bride) who is extraordinarily laid back.

She was very organised, compassion and very friendly..

Well, the pity is when she has come to admire me and viceversa, she dies within a year...so it has become my LOSS in life for not able to spend some more happy time with her .

One most imporatant fact is most mils have a tendency to compare her Dils and hence your gets better or worse after your bil gets married..

its tru in my and in my friend's case..

Geeth Priya.

hi puni88,
it's a very good thread indeed.
i pray god daily for her,as she has given me a wonderful gift her son as my life partner.

she struggled in her young days ,to feed 9 stomachss(persons) every time of the the day ,to manage entire home without the help of others when the children were small, to cookdifferent delicacies for daily as well as auspicious days within calculated budget as my fil was the only earning member in the family.she never went out to buy anything ,even for a small thing in cooking ...she 'ld tell her children /husband to get that .after my fil had passed away , she took care of all 6 children with their education, marriage ...with support from fil 's earned money and pension.this is a such agreat thing about her.

1.i love her cooking ...lemon pickle she puts in the jar ....(my mouth is watering!!).
2.she talks with everyone ...endlessely ...even the matter is not of concern to us,----a very good conversationalist .now i feel bored at home without talking to anyone ...
3.She admitted whole haertedly that she felt at home only at our house, she could be free to cook and had access to every thing in the house.
4. she does all her chores by herself, be it rains or storms.
5.very simple in nature .doesnot demand anything in my marriage.no love for jewels nor silk sarees.
6 . gives respect to my parents .
7.above all , understands and adjusts if we explain anything new .she has learnt how to use mw in cooking .
8.she never intrudes in the finance position of the home. she neither asked his son nor her husband regarding the salary they earned and being earned.


i just want her to enjoy her life which she missed , by going to temples , chatting with her friends and reading books ,instead of struck in the kitchen always....!
although she treats me as her daughter---in -law, i love her as my mom ..
.time will answer me .

regards,
harini