IN-LAWS and their expectations from a DIL

My mil expects her dil to be smart enough to earn big money but dumb enough to leave all the family decisions to her.

Mil wants a modern girl out in public and a traditional girl at home.

And the list goes on!

even i am surprised at the replies(like padmini and tulip)...did not know such orthodox people still exist!
i have had issues with my MIL....but ,yes, she does not have any such expectations from me...just leaves me alone.... when i was with them i necer felt like ' typical DIL' of the house and regarding meeting my parents,she has not commented till now....

-Neha S

Good , Bad and Ugly STILL exists in this world isnt ..

If good MILs like Mrs. Padmini who understands the very meaning
of ' mutual respect ' exists.. then there needs to be a contrary too !

Similarly, if there is a super woman DIL there must be a vamp amongst us in the world too !

Else the world will collapse with too many good people around !

Talkin about expectation from my MIL.. All that she expected from me before marriage was ' to not marry her son ' ! Guess, since I dissapointed her then, now she seems to have no expectations out of me !!

Good discussion ..

Whenever my DH or inlaws make a mistake or create a problem ..its like I am the one responsible for everything ..Its like whatever wrong happens in my inlaws place I am responsible..For every single thing I have to take the blame..they wont stop until you do so..

I try my best to be a good dil ..but they just dont recognise my efforts and then they have a long list of complaints..

I have stopped making any efforts to please them.

I am just myself !!

I forgot to add one more thing ..

They think they are always RIGHT !!

Good thread.

The very first expectation from me was since the moment i got married to their son they said that they were now my family and not my parents anymore....they didn't even like my mom addressing me her as "her daughter" they wanted me to be called as "their daughter-in-law".

Now for my MIL a daughter-in-law should

1. forget her parents
2. should go out and earn and be modern
3. give all the money to their son (which in turn will go to them)
4. cook, cook and keep cooking
5. cook more for her relatives (who for the most time are in her house)
6. Should take permission for everything
7. Never sit next to my husband
8. Even if i talk to him in public i should be loud and clear so that everyone can hear what we are talking

and the list goes on.

Originally Posted by Drpreethis

Talkin about expectation from my MIL.. All that she expected from me before marriage was ' to not marry her son ' ! Guess, since I dissapointed her then, now she seems to have no expectations out of me !!

That was a good one. I should say my MIL had the same expectation before marriage.

After marriage , my MIL expects that

1. I shouldn't listen to my parents . Reason - it will spoil their family
2. I should treat everyone in their family (specially my SIL and her husband) like GOD even if they treat me like s***

Since I don't meet their expectation, I am the reason for everything bad happening in their family. Even if my husband falls sick with fever, I am the reason.. )

Surprisingly Padmini Mam..they exist. Even I was surprised when I found out. My ILs expect just 2 things.
- Listen to her totally and agree she is the best mother and MIL in the world.
- Totally ignore my mother and family.

I could not even call my parents from home when they were here as that would spark off 2 hrs of heated discussions and shoutings the next day as to how a girl's parents as are as good as dead to her after marriage. Once my husband asked her why it is not the same for her daughter..and the house broke into another 3 hr brawl. The answer quite simply was she is the best mother in the world and its different with her. Ughhhh.

All that she expected from me before marriage was ' to not marry her son ' !

Preethi,

My mil also expected the same thing from me, and like you I failed. BUT... so glad I did!

If good MILs like Mrs. Padmini who understands the very meaning
of ' mutual respect ' exists..

I wish Padmini could adopt all of us unhappy dils!!! I feel like I've been sucker punched by fate everytime I think of the type of mil I'm stuck with. Grrrr!

My MIL has also the almost same expectations.She wants a DIL who is modern wearing western style clothes ,use a lot of make up,thin,fair and earn a lot of money but she should not open her mouth and should do all the household work.
She has even told me that because you are bahu of this house this is your duty to tolerate.You have to tolerate a lot.
If i say anything like i can not do this because of any reason...its a big drama how i said no.i am the bahu you know.
Yes...i am her bahu..and this is bad luck that i am her bahu.
You won't imagine how much bad and bitter she speaks for me and my parents but if i just open my mouth and say anthing(even 1%)i mean just defend them...i am replying her back.Then she will cry ...make a lot of drama and will continue doing it until i will be forced to say her sorry.

Whenever my husband talk to my parents on phone or i raise the topic to go to my parents home...its a big fight in the house.Yes house that is not my home at least.In fact that place is not even a house she has made her home a hell.

She wants to show to the people that they don't want anything from my parents but even if one thing is less.....she will create a big drama that they don't care about her son and me and my suhaag whatever.

Once i said i want to take rest and discontinue working for some time... she said that she agreed her son to get married with me because i was working and earning.So i have to work.

And unfortunately my husband still think she is good to me .She is not like that what i think about her.

For me she is the dark side of motherhood based on what i have seen.

She always tells me that your husband is everything for you..without your husband you are nothing....you should do this..should do that....but when i am sick...never tell her son to do anything for me.

She wants me to show her everything what gifts i brought for my family even if i say nothing. she will cry and say you don't ask your elders anything....But i know her mentallity so i used to tell her but not now.
When i comes back then she will ask what they gave me.i don't tell her anything now.THis is not her business.