Want to die

Lady,

before i totally draft my message. I have one quick liner for you..Hang on to life, not because its cowardish to think of death before time, but because you will fail your parents and your loved ones by taking this step.

Please hang on for another 20 minutes here. I will write my over all take on it. I can give you some real life experience dealing with after effect of trying suicide and its extreme consequences on others in your own parent;s side.

Ria

 

dear sonjuhi
ria is right
do not take any step in panic. maybe tommorrow ur daughter comes back and u'll thank god that u r alive for her. sme yrs back 2 college going kids in my locality commited suicide , their families have not been able to come out of it till day. and the coming generations will also bear the blot.
what evr try some legal perspective if u till now have not.
and never lose faith...as faith is the boat which can ferry a lone persn in huge oceans. my way out of all problems is talk to god and then say...god all i have u gave.. as all is urs do take care of your stuff. my mom taught me this. i'm sure ur mom would have taught u many such things ,do think of her and u might see a light on the other side of the tunnel.
best of luck to u and ur baby, i'll pray for u today.

 

Even when the biggest dream crashes in life, death should not be contemplated for simple reasons. Reasons range from what will happen to those whom you leave behind. In your case you daughter, she needs you as much as you needed your parents while growing up. What about your parents, who have nourished you and given the best they could afford just to see you dying abruptly.
What about the education which was given to you. What about the great learning which say, keep fighting with life so that you can leave right legacy behind.
If you run away today from your immediate difficulties, what message your daughter will get. Commit suicide when things don’t go your way.
How would you feel if somewhere in future you daughter also takes the same step. Can you imagine the horrific pain you will have in your heart.
When we are born , we are born into relations, bonds, legacy and so many things. We can’t run away from it. If anybody in your family had committed suicide ,then you would have to bear the brunt of society. The person who dies, he /she frees himself, but what about the people they leave behind.
With above, lemme ask you few question, if you think you should commit suicide with these frivolous issues.
What should following people do..
- an innocent child whose parents were killed in bomb blast.
- A lady whose husband burnt her alive and who has now 60% body burnt.
- A guy who was professional athlete and his both legs got amputated in car accident
- A lady who lost her child right on delivery table
- Parents who lost their only child to frivolous suicide attempt.
I am sure all above have more justified rights to take their life than you do. But do people implement this..No they fight out, they turn around their life and become inspiration to people around them, to society and to their future generations.
Whenever in life you get bogged down by these trivial issues, look arround you, get inspiration from people who have risen beyond their problems. I will give you example of my old time maid. She is strongest lady I could find amidst chaos. She was married at age of 16 and when I met her it was after two years of marriage. So she was 18 then. Way younger than me. Her husband was a drunkard and he left her in few days of marriage. One day he went and never came back. So she was left alone with her mother-in-law, who loved her like her daughter. Maid's parents suggested her to come back and get married again. But she was adamant that one day her husband will come back. I really dont care about her devotion to her husband. I just salute her strength in lowest of her times. She was so beatifula and pretty. She would come to our place and do so much work. We used to tell her, we can’t pay her for so much work. As we have budget. So she used to say, I feel happy coming here and I don’t care whatever money you people can give is good enough.
The point is not about sticking to the violent husband. Its about not losing your own self in adversity. Real test of a person comes when they face biggest failure in life.
So if you feel your marriage has driven you to this limit. My advice will be to take off sometime away from it. Away from everything. Ponder about yourself and take the next step. You dont have to live your whole with someone who hasnt given you happiness in 10 years. But dont loose hope and desire to live. For thats biggest cost you can ever pay for any failure.
Best wishes
Ria

 

Sonjuhi,
I am confused!! Alright, you want to die. Then what?
Does that mean you are very confident that your husband and your inlaws will take very good care of your daughter? I dont think any mom would leaver her daughter in the hands of people that did not treat her well.
OK!
Now coming to the problem:
Are you in US?
Where is your daughter? Why is she not with you? Why are you not allowed to interact with your own daughter?
If you take a deep breath, calm down and present your situation clearly, I am sure you will get a lot of advice, support from ILs group.
Take a moment to explain what happened, what is your situation and what do you want?
Hope this helps.
Take care and remember anybody can U harrass only as much as you let them to!! So, the minute you put your foot down, you might severe some relationships but YOU ARE HAPPY.
YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE, IF YOU DO NOT EXIST everyone around you will shed few tears and move on. So, WHAT DID YOU ACHIEVE IN ONE LIFE GOD HAS GIVEN? IS THIS WHY YOUR PARENTS SPENT THEIR LIFE RAISING YOU?

DRJP

 

Hello Dear..though I’ve resigned myself writing here last couple of months – reasons being many…your post dragged me back by my hair. I really don’t have time or energy to write elaborately but I’ll try to put what all I want to say to minimum. I hope you read all the way through.

OK..so you wanna die! Did you decide how you are going to take your life? Before deciding that, did you decide and think what your answer going to be to your parents, siblings and your daughter whose lives would be changed forever to the worse?

“In-laws/Husband winning over me and I am losing – So I wanna die” – These are the most senseless lines I’ve ever read in my entire life. No don’t curse me, YES – I’ll not know anything you went through and what you are going through, but I can imagine. I can imagine your pain of not getting love, affection, and respect from your husband and in-laws. I can imagine your longing and heartbreak of not being able to be with your daughter. I can imagine the hell you are going through with all the atrocities people are putting you through.

OK that’s the truth. So, what are you going to do about it? Are you such a coward to end your life, so that you’ll be relieved of all this pain? Are you such a heartless, to plunge your loved ones (your own family and the kid) into an abyss of pain? Are you such a stupid to let your husband and in-laws winning? (Your words – by the way) What are you? Do you have a life before you met this guy and these in-laws? If your parents have bought you up and have educated you, they must have put their breathing lives in you, so that you could have a better and happy life. And is this your payback for all their 20 plus years of hard work? Wonderful!!– Present them your dead body and they’ll be very proud of you and feel very happy that you are pain free!

Are you thinking of the hell your daughter would go through, with people taunting her about her mother who committed suicide unable to face the situations? What do you think your daughter will grow up to be? She will think of suicide at a slightest chance she feels helpless or angry or stressed just like her mother. She will think of suicide right from when someone scolds her, when a boy teases her, when she is insulted.... to any silly and stupid disappointments in her life. Is that what you want to teach her?

It's a shame that you are not able to recognize your importance in this world, that you are not able to get out of the pain and clutches, thatyou are not able to take advantage of things around you to get help – living in one of the most developed countries of the world. Are you educated? Are you a slave..all tied up? If you can post this message, I am assuming that you can do a lot more things that can change your life. This marriage, this past is not a bit important as your life, your happiness, your daughter and your parents. If you are at a stage of thinking of ending your life – better use that courage to bring on a profound, powerful change in yours and your people’s lives rather than using the courage to slit your wrist or pop a million pills (what ever the way you are planning to end your life).

Your actions may be considered outrageous, may be it is harmful to your parents’ respect in society, may be it will harm your unmarried sisters lives or anything else…but my dear all the disgraces are not even comparative to your life. So stop thinking of society etc and go get help. Turn the misery within you into a ball of fire and blast the whole damn world. Take help; scream out through the ends of your lungs. This husband who doesn’t help you get back your child is not worth it. This husband who doesn’t understand that you are dying is not worth it. Leave him. Go to the police, the court and fight. Have no money..have no knowledge of how to go about these things? Contact the women’s help groups and they will make sure that you get your child back and your life back.

There is much more to life than marriage and status in the society. There is much more. People are in need of people like you. First help yourself and then try helping others. Don’t be a faithless soul and leave the scene, when every act you do can make a difference in many lives. An educated woman, suffering and not taking any action is a ‘dumb’ in my theory. Please make use of your valuable life to make your life better and for the betterment of others. Get inspired and you’ll inspire many more..May the goddesses Shakthi, Kaali, Durga give you courage to pierce through the heart of your misery and injustice and help you come out victoriously. I’ll pray for you.

 

Dear Lady,

Is death a solution to all the misery? Will it help your daughter in any sane way? Will it help you parents to relax and move on with their life? What about all the loved ones, who are there for you? Just because some person hurt you, you want to run away from that problem and not face it? Is that how your parents wanted you to act on the situation, run away from it?

God gives sadness, problems, issues only to thos who he thinks can handle it. Don't let down God. He beleives you. Why cant you?

Before thinking about death, think about

(1) Your loved ones.. be it your daughter, husband, parents or any well wishers. How much hope they have in you. How much love they shower. Is this your way of gratitude?

(2) Taking one's life is not that easy. Not everything will go as per plan. What if... Just think.. what if you are paralysed for life? or be in a coma.. Do you know that 50% of the suicides fail miserably and land them useless for life? Thats a 50-50 chance. God has even you a healthy physic, a life, food for hunger, cloth to wear and a place to stay. Imagine millions of people and babies dying with not proper facilities every single minute in the earth. Is this how you are going to make use of yourself in this one life given to you?

(3) Yes, I completely agree with you. You are hurt very much and all these 10 years, your feelings have been bottled up with no outlet. You feel depressed and as if your life is of no use. Sweetie, everything is in your hands. you have survived 10 years in this life. Tell me honestly, not even a single day you were happy? Was God that bad to you? Tell me. A woman is being raped every 5 mins in this world and does every one of them die? A soldier's wife, send him to the war front knowing that he might not return back. She waits for him every single day. Do you think she wants to die because of the pain that her mind thinks every minute "What if... " What if..." No hands, No legs.. people survive atleast by begging.. because its their life and they are strong to face it. Where is your strength, did you parents bring you up this cowardly.. NOOOO.. then why do you want to act as one?

(4) You think that nobody cares. but just sit and think. You will have a list of people who care. Who love you for what you are. So are you going to stab them with your suicidal act and have them suffer for their rest of their lives?

(5) You wanted to tell someone, make a point..Get some attention... make everyone think... But will you be there when they notice you? Is it helpful to you anyway? If you want to do something, then do it and be there to see how it works.

Be bold lady, life is how you see it. ITs in your hands to make your life miserable or happy. Peaceful or stressful. Enjoyable or dreadful. No one else can do anything.

ITS MY LIFE ....Keep saying this.. If you still feel suicidal. For my sake.. wait for one week.. Let things cool down.. then think how you feel and then we will go over your feelings then.

About your daughter.. let me tell you something..

ITS YOUR DAUGHTER.. end of the day, they cannot do anything about it.. YOU ARE THE BIOLOGICAL MOTHER and any country;s law will only support you. So why worry? If they don't send her to your parents, fine.. let it go. Let the things cool off for sometime.., IF they dont get her to the phone, thats fine too. is there any friends in that area.. Have them go and see in person and let her "They came here because of you. They came to see hows she doing as her mommy loves her so much and cannt get in touch with her" Have them buy something like a bracelet or some gift as a token of love on your behalf.

Anything is possible, lady.. So why run away from a situation and make this worse.

Be courageous, Bold to face anything in this world..After all you are in charge of your life.. You are in the driver seat.

WOMEN ARE STRONGER EMOTIONALLY, prove that..

Make us proud.. Get a grip on your life NOW and fight this as a WOMAN than being a coward.

Good luck and God Bless !!!

 

i want to tell just a line...
"dont die because the time when we feel life becomes worse than death , then best part of life is about to come"

its my self experience.. please answer questions asked from drjp...
some suggestions may come to youfr way which can help you to come out from your problem with your Husband and MIL-SIL..

 

First of all that's a crazy thought. Like someone mentioned - Others can torture you only if you let them too - You can always walk out and lead your life by yourself.

First of all, Why don't you go to India and bring back your daughter - You can, if you want, put your foot down - No one can separate the mother and daughter.

Secondly, if you are not happy with your husband and inlaws - You can always walk out on your marriage - Are you financially dependant on them?

I totally understand that your thoughts are plagued with in-laws and their misgivings(I am in the same boat too). But when you are away from them in the US, try to do different things and don't think of them. By thinking of them you are giving importance to them and they are not worth it.

Don't do anything rash - Please!

 

Hi,
You sound really depressed and I understand why- things seem to be out of control and you are feeling really down. Please call a depression or suicide prevention hotline and talk to some counsellor. Remember you have to do this for your daughter and family. Where is your husband in all of this? Please reach out to whoever you are close to and maybe someone can help your in-laws realize what you are going through.
Take care,
Sunita