A lesson for all !

Hi Rya,

I can understand what you are talking about. At a point in time I was also obsessed about my in-laws. I realized I was thinking more about them than about my parents When we get into a cycle of negativity we put on rose tinted classes and start finding fault with everything the opposite party does. This caused me lot of tension post delivery and I ended up with postpartum depression. I tried to change my thought patterns but it was very hard. I started getting involved in yoga and meditation and it has benefited me a lot. I took the Art of Living Part I program and I regularly practiced the breathing exercise they taught. The breathing exercise called Sudarshan Kriya takes about 20 minutes. It blew away my depression in one month and dramatically changed my thought patterns. I would highly recommend the program.

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

Hello rya,

a very nice post.. same thing happened to me.. even I used to do some stupid things like avoiding foods, get irritated by each and every comment made by my MIL etc etc.. But a later a traumatic miscarriage made me realise how foolish I have been.. at that time nobody was there to console me except my husband . he told me the same thing that there is no point in gettting stressed out by her as he has seen everything in life and you have just started of ur life. so he asked me to be less reactive and ignore things if its just mere comments on cooking or household work. I am trying to do that but dunno how far I will be successful...

Regards,
Malar

 

Very nice post Rya. I am glad you chose to share this with all of us here.

Kavya and Malar, nice to read your responses. Kavya, you know that I will totally second your suggestion about practicising yoga and meditation.

Rya, other than Art Of Living, Isha Yoga foundation also has some courses. I have attended some and will always be indebted to them for beautifully transforming my life.

You are absolutely right about how we women need to take care of our health. There are no two ways about it. I can totally relate to the terrible effects of stress that you have talked about.

I would like to emphasize on a few things that I have felt and learnt from experience and observation.

We have to put ourselves first. If we are not fine, none of the people that depend on us will be fine. The two broad areas that form the crux of our overall health are - physical and mental. They both go hand in hand. If we are feeling weak physically automatically we start feeling low. And if we are mentally stressed then it pulls our physical health down.

Generally speaking, for most women the mental (emotional) need is heightened and hence emotions drive us most of the times.

Therefore, taking care of our emotional needs becomes one of the most crucial things that we must do to maintain good health. Only a healthy mind leads to a healthy living. So, we must think about what are the things that define emotional satisfaction for us. Jot these down and address them without fail. Sometimes we will have to find alternate ways of addressing them, but address we must. In cases where some of our emotional needs depend on people who are unwilling to cooperate, we must find other ways of fulfilling these needs. What other ways depends on each ones own personality to a great extent. Some people that are very outgoing and aggressive may find other external ways to fulfill that requirement. Some people that are inward looking may find that a religious routine may help them. So regardless of our nature, we have to absolutely address our emotional needs.

In my limited experience, spiritual practices and spiritual exposure help tremendously in developing the inner calm and strength needed to address ones emotional needs to a great extent. Meditation, pranayams and attending discourses of our Vedas and scriptures are life changing. Contrary to the popular belief, these are NOT just for old people. In fact people like us, who are in the middle of our life span can benefit tremendously from these. This repeated exposure can help us run our life so much more smoothly and calmly than we do today. The exposure has to be frequent and not just a one off class taken sometime. It could be as simple as forming a group of individuals who have spiritual leanings and discussing those on a weekly basis. We must find some time in our schedule to get ourselves this exposure.

Other things that address emotional needs are already well known and often discussed – building circle of friends/support mechanism, keeping the mind engaged constructively, trying to find our calling in life, learning to ignore things and people that we cannot change and that bother us, standing up for ourselves when needed etc.

Physically, other than routine care and taking care of our aches and pains, we must get a regular annual check-up without fail. We must be aware of what are the requirements of the body in each age group. For ex. We often neglect the importance of calcium for our body. Post 30 and during and after pregnancy, the need for calcium in our body is greatly increased. Often we do not pay attention to whether we are taking enough of it or not. We need to take be aware of it and take care of it. Following some sort of physical activity is a must also. Could be anything from walking, climbing X number of steps in the house during the day, doing sit-ups at home to going to the gym or following a sport. We can always find time for one of these. No excuses for it.

Rya, I could not agree more with you that the loss of mishandling our health is solely our own personal loss. Yes, people might get inconvenienced because of our ill health, but that’s about it. Suffering is our own and the long term impact is our own too. If we do not take care of our health, no one else will. Sometimes, health once spoiled may take years to recover or may never fully recover.

So my friends please take care of yourselves. This is our prime and foremost responsibility. Everything else comes after this.

SS

 

Hi Rya,

The program runs for about 5 days. During the program they teach a breathing exercise called Sudarshan kriya. It takes about 20 minutes per day. Proper initiation from a teacher is a must to learn the technique properly. For more details regarding the program, please check out Art of Living Foundation
Many of my friends have also benefited from the programs that Isha yoga offers. I completely agree with SS's post. SS has helped me a lot to overcome my problems by providing me with valuable advice and techniques.

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

Dear Rya,

It is awesome that you are paying attention to your health and are taking the initiative in making it perfect. You are absoultely on the right track and we will provide you all the encouragement and pep talk needed to continue on this path!

We all commit mistakes. Most women have the tendency to overlook their well-being and let stress spoil our health (me included!). But what is important is that we realize before it is too late, take a step back and change our course in the right direction. You are doing all of these and so you are bound to reap great benefits.

Good luck dear. And kudos for bringing such an important area of our life to the fore.

SS

 

Hi Rya,

It is good that you have recognized your problem and you are taking steps to rectify it. Way to go !!! Many people don't even take this step and go on blaming the other person for their misery throughout their life. A lot of diseases like ulcer, eczema, depression, hormonal disorders are caused and/or aggravated due to negative emotions. My husband used to suffer from severe gastric reflux (GERD). The problem disappeared within a month after he started practicing Sudarshan kriya regularly. As SS says, spirituality is not just for the old. It is very much for people from all generations. It will equip us with the ability to face all situations with a calm mind.

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

Dear Rya
Firstly accept my salutations to you.. at an young age you are writing about important topics.. not just important to you but to all of us women here.. I commend you for that.
Secondly you are doing the right thing by acknowledging the problem and finding a solution for it.
I would like to add my opinion here too.. Its not as easy as SS is pointing out.. to emphasise on putting one's health first, As much as we are aware that its important its not easy. Maybe things worked out for her.. I really admire her reply.. but in real life and in practicality its not easy .. and further from a possibility too.. we will always be emotionally affected and the stress inevitably takes a toll on our bodies..
However depending on the intensity of the situation we can try and take BETTER care of ourselves and try and make things work towards the better..
Also being religious helps.. for that matter many people from our country and background are fortunate to be able to lean on religion..
You seem to be on the right path and I greatly admire you! Good luck dear and God bless