A lesson for all !

Ria & SS & all

I dont know whether what I say is relevant in this current post or not..but wanted to share that I agree with both of your approaches....

Ria
I totally agree with you when you said about the hostel condition...my brother and also my husbands sister both of them were away from family in hostels for almost 5 to 6 yrs and had lived and shared inhostels...which made them realise and understand family in a better way the ups and downs etc.,...on the other hand I always lived with my parents and then got married and with husband..never lived alone or shared accomodation...so i always find some glitch when i have to interact with people whom I dont like...either the anger shows up on my face or my voice gets raised..some how...but slowly after observing people around me i just learnt very few baby tips from everyone....ofcourse I have a very very long way to go...but not everyone is lucky enough to live independently before marriage and learn ...so if someone have that experience its good and great for them..if someone doesnthave that experience (like me) might be we are learning the hard way.....

SS

I agree totally to you too about the meditation and the religious and spiritual activities..beleive me man /women tries everything possible on the earth to fix a problem and when everything fails thats when we say give up and go to god and ask his help...there is nothing wrong it...its that faith and beleif on the supreme power that keeps us going...i myself am an example of it...there was a time in my life where I was going through such cutting pain and mental trauma and depression nothing made me feel calmdown no talks no friends nothing..i used to pray and do pooja daily 2 times in a day and go to temple 3 times in a week....really i used to get lot of peace and consolation and faith andhope that things would be better and all the issues will be resolved...and yes that faith itself resolved all the issues...meditation always helps as when we get into too much of arguements or too much into the situations we become more emotional and we tend to feel the need to be right and win....but when we sit calmlyfor few mins in a day it gives us that grounding feeling which makes us feel how useless are those arguments/ feelings we have and makes our heart feel lighter....really lets us forgive most of the hard feelings we have ...against any one it might be....remember forgiving is different from forgetting....

personally both the ways you guys have stated are the right ones to fix and resolve all the issues...i always loved both of your posts....always wondered how come it never struck to me this way....but am glad atleast most of the women here on IL are benefitting fromyour experience and suggestions..and am also one of them....thank you to both of you.....for sharing and making a difference ....keep it going...Thanks!

Oh Ria. Don't even think that I felt like you were pointing fingers at me! No way. In the sevaral months of interaction I have had with you, I know you are not the kind to do that. I am now feeling bad about making you feel like that!

There is no reason for an apology. There is no question about any apology because there was nothing in your (or even AC's) reply to apologize for!

I totally uderstand that you were trying to bring the root cause to the fore and were trying to ask everyone to think a little deeper. I agree with your thoughts one hundred percent. We absolutely need to change our emotionally weak mental frame. We have to equip ourselves with a strong and flexible mind so we can handle such situations on our own. Meditation, prayers, etc are just ways to divert our disturbed mind and bring some peace to it but I agree with you that they are by no means a solution to our problems. For finding solutions we need to build the thought process you have mentioned in your reply.

So I totally second what you have said. I was just putting forth the explanation for where meditation and pranayam fall in the scheme of things.

So please don't apologize or else I will have to apologize for making you feel apologetic!

Luv,
SS

Originally Posted by ria2006

SS,

I never doubt your suggestions. So there s no question of really pointing any fingers in your suggestions. I just adore them like any five year old kid watching stars. Like most others here I am just your big fan. So accept my apologies if you felt questioned in any sense, for that was never the goal.

My reply in this context was not to pinpoint suggestion by others but just to mention that unless we change the way handle disagreements and disppleasures, we will constantly find ourselves getting affected by unpleasent relations, or any misgiving for that matter. In-laws case standout because both parties start with lot of expectations.
Any spiritual discourse definitely go hand in hand with any healthy living.

So my whole point was, we need to address the root causes. Any other way to calm our mind is just like treating current disease. Unless we treat the root cause , we will be in pain with other unpleasent happenings.

Regards
Ria

Saahitya,

Thanks for chipping in dear. I guess you sensed some tension here! That was nice of you to come in and share your thoughts in such a balanced way.

Don't you worry gal, we are all a bunch of buddies here who lean on each other and learn from each other!

I love reading and knowing the different perspectives that everyone here brings. They are priceless. Just like you said, we cannot experience everything in life but we can surely learn from other's experiences.

And everyone who contributes here brings so much value and does it so well that I have always benefitted tremendously from reading them.

I could not agree more with Ria's thoughts on addressing the root cause of the issue. I absolutely agree that no change can be brought about if our basic thinking does not change. Like I have said before, spiritual practices are mere tools to bring help us bring about this important change in our mindset. They cannot replace the action that is needed on our part.

Great going and let us keep this spirit up!
SS

Originally Posted by Saahithya

Ria & SS & all

I dont know whether what I say is relevant in this current post or not..but wanted to share that I agree with both of your approaches....

Hi Rya, SS, Saaitya and all,

Excellent thought. Whatever be our present situation, we need to take care of our body and mind for our future.

I have also found that in most occasions, others whom we take to be wrong are cool about their deeds while we think more and worry ourselves. The more we think, the more faults we find which will eventually cause more tension. We may call them insensitive, but be being overly-sensitive, we are only spoiling our life.
The right treatment to such people is indifference and taking your mind elsewhere where you can do something constructive and be happy.

regards ...........

Hi Rya,
You have posted a really nice piece here. Like many other ilites I agree with you.
I want to know the meaning of the saying in tamil.please translate it in english for me.
I was also very bothered by my inlaws while they were here. 24/7 i was thinking about them. but now they went back to india so i am very less affected, but everytime they call my stomach starts aching and mouth dries up.I know i should concentrate more on my house, my newborn baby my hubby but I think it takes practice to ignore. So these days when they call I talk to them as little as possible without being rude and forget about them. everytime I start thinking about the negative stuff they did, i tell myself not to waste any more time on them and i start doing something else.Hope someday I will be able to do what you did.
above all . I should learn to put myself first to be a happy and healthy mom for my baby.

Originally Posted by sumanr

Hi Rya, SS, Saaitya and all,

Excellent thought. Whatever be our present situation, we need to take care of our body and mind for our future.

I have also found that in most occasions, others whom we take to be wrong are cool about their deeds while we think more and worry ourselves. The more we think, the more faults we find which will eventually cause more tension. We may call them insensitive, but be being overly-sensitive, we are only spoiling our life.
The right treatment to such people is indifference and taking your mind elsewhere where you can do something constructive and be happy.

regards ...........

hi sumanr,
thanks for ur email. This family situation is everywhere that is why i started this thread. Hope it is helping so many people i think by seeing the responses. We being the sensitive people are getting affected and ofcourse age is also the important factor. In a newly married tender age ,we could not bear the aggressiveness if any,in the inlaws house..slowly,after gradual learning we come out of the shell and think about our life and future,learning to deal with such people.anyway,thanks for ur response..keep on writing whatever u feel
thanks

Originally Posted by saheli08

Hi Rya,
You have posted a really nice piece here. Like many other ilites I agree with you.
I want to know the meaning of the saying in tamil.please translate it in english for me.
I was also very bothered by my inlaws while they were here. 24/7 i was thinking about them. but now they went back to india so i am very less affected, but everytime they call my stomach starts aching and mouth dries up.I know i should concentrate more on my house, my newborn baby my hubby but I think it takes practice to ignore. So these days when they call I talk to them as little as possible without being rude and forget about them. everytime I start thinking about the negative stuff they did, i tell myself not to waste any more time on them and i start doing something else.Hope someday I will be able to do what you did.
above all . I should learn to put myself first to be a happy and healthy mom for my baby.

hi saheli,
thanks for ur email. Actually,u have mentioned "hope someday i will be able to do what you did"..why don't u do it right now? because u will be the person atlast who will get affected..i started this thread to make people understand where they go weak..Please do not say someday u will realise ur health..start by today..DO not think about ur inlaws always,as it is a mere waste of time,energy,good moods etc..if any bad situations comes,face it boldly and neatly and talk straight..this will solve so many problems..
My saying "veetukku veedu vasarpadi" means in each and every house the problem is there always no matter whoever it is..every house will be tied up with problems..that was the thing i tried to say..i started this thread in a thinking that no one should suffer in health like me,b'cos so many people like me in ILs have inlaws problems..somebody realises,somebody is spoiling their health..in order to caution before,i wrote this thread...Thank you for ur response and i wish u have a peaceful,healthy and happy life
thanks