new baby and mother in law

Hi,
I had a baby 4 weeks ago. My mom is here from India, and my in laws live with me. My hubby is great and overall my in laws are nice. The problem I have is that my mom is great with the baby, but she will be returning to India in about 6 weeks.My mother in law takes no interest in caring for the baby. She has no idea how to handle the baby (picking him up, bathing him etc) and how to play with the baby. She competes with my mom, in that when my mom picks him up, all of a sudden my mil wants him and then she makes him cry and doesnt know how to soothe him...ughhhhhhhh.
My mil will be taking care of my baby, when I go back to work. I am afraid that she will be probably drop him and not watch him properly (she watches TV all the time and plays crossword puzzles). I have told this to my hubby, but he thinks that his mom's personality is different and that she will be fine with the baby.

I dont know what to do ? Sometimes I feel like telling her, that do not touch the baby, and dont make him cry. I know, that would be wrong, as he is her grandson too.

Well falgun, first of all congratulations on your new bundle of joy. It is great that your mom is so nice with the baby and your worries about your MIL may also be well founded. Here's what I think you can consider doing - a couple of weeks before your mom has to go back, she must slowly transition the baby to your MIL, that way she can watch how your MIL is doing and assure you. The second thing is since your ILs live with you, you can tell them that they should continue to be free and happy and either start the baby in a day care or hire some one to come help with the baby at home.

These are just my opinions and I surely hope that your confidence in your MIL and her way of handling grows and you will be pretty comfortable leaving your son. Good luck.

Hi Falgun,

Hearty Congratulations on your bundle of joy! Hope you're recovering well. I think Srama has given excellent suggestions. Your mom should slowly transition the baby to your MIL a week or so before she leaves. It would be nice if your MIL was more hands-on with the baby but maybe she will step-up after your mom leaves. Your baby is after all her grandchild. As your husband said, your mom and MIL have different personalities and outlook. It's best not to compare. Also, because your mom is more hands-on with your child now, he prefers your mom's touch to anyone else's and probably is not as comfortable with your MIL. Slowly that will change too. You probably have 2 more months to go before you resume work. In these two months, see how your MIL is handling the baby....and then based on your confidence level with her, you can decide on other options (daycare, nanny, part-time job for you, etc.). Right now, try to get as much rest as you can and focus on enjoying your baby. They grow really fast!

Good Luck with everything!

Dear Falgun,
I too had the same feeling sometime back when my son was a newborn. I used to think that my mother could handle him better than my MIL and used to get very tensed even if she picks up the baby for a short time. But when I started working, I had no option other than relying on her for the child care. Now my son goes to the daycare for half a day, and the other half he is with my MIL. Believe me, she too can take care of my baby just like my own mother. Even though she is not a great MIL, she is a good grandmother, and my son loves her. The only reason why I send my son to day care in the morning, is because we don't want my MIL to be tried looking after the kid the whole day, as she has diabetes and other ailments.

So, don't get too worried about how she will treat your baby. You yourself has said that overall your in laws are nice. So I am sure they will look after their "son's baby" well. She may need some time to get used to the baby and vice versa, but things will be fine. OK? May be your personnel experince with your MIL has made you trust her less, but she will be better than any baby sitter/ day care, I'm sure.
Take care and relax,
Anju

Congratulations falgun , enjoy your baby while you can they grow very fast. I think your mil will be fine with the baby, she may not be feeling totaly responsible right now because your mom is here. After all she took care of your hubby quite well I think..
don't worry, she will be a good grandma.

Hi Falgun,,
first of all congratulations .............so ur a mother now........
all i want to say is ur MIL is the same person who took care of ur husband whom ur married to now n i m sure u love ur husband then y do u think she cant take care of ur husbands child.....
falgun try to understand every person in this world is different and they hav etheir own style ....... and ever child likes his or her mom the best so no doubt u are more comfortable with ur ma tht doent means ur MIL is not good ...
hope u ll try to understand me
ur well wisher