Need advice - FIL issue

Anytime Hasita. It is totally my pleasure if some of what I wrote helps you.

I understand when you say that you get upset at times. It is but natural.

Try to take small breaks once a month or once in 6 weeks. May be a small local outing with your husband or a movie and eating out together. Unfortunately, some not-so-good things in our life may never change but our life need not stop or suffer for it. We still have to try and keep the bond between husband and wife alive and strong. Because we will all agree that in the end it is the one that matters the most.

As for your fil, I can imagine your mil's irritation when he pronounces the menu at the last minute. But you on your part, try to happily give him whatever he wants to eat. Serve him with a smile. Like I said in my earlier reply, I am hoping that once he sees that you are happy giving him the food he wants, he may be more willing to listen to you in other areas.

Also, asking his friend to visit him 2-3 days in a week for a few hours will be a great idea. Once they start talking and having a routine, things may improve.

I found out about an organization for senior citizens that does a plethora of things specially catered for the seniors. I had heard about it from an elderly couple that is close friends of the founder of this organization. Please check it out. You may get ideas from this organization about how to fill up your fil's day. And if you can make your fil computer literate then a whole bunch of avenues will open up for him. Especially knowing that he cannot go out of the house often. Your idea about getting your stepdaughter to help him educate on computers is great. Definitely invest time in making him computer literate.

The organization that I have mentioned above is - http://www.dignityfoundation.com/. They have a Chennai chapter too.

If you need more info about it, let me know. I can call up the couple I know and try to find out from them.

Enjoy life dear. Especially when we work so hard and go through so many difficulties, we deserve even more to enjoy our life to the fullest!

My best wishes always.
SS

Dear SS,
Though I already pm'd you earlier, once again I want to thank you for taking the time to find out about the Dignity foundation. I will check it out and consult DH reg. it.
best,
hasita

hi hasita,
your very sweet quite similar to your name and have a great smile i must say that as i had seen you in of the il-meet ups.
looks like things are getting a better since your first post here.and i pray that the best things happen to you in life!!!!
do save some money for sudden expenses as well.when people grow old they do become kids so we have no choice but just to treat them like one!!!which i am sure you would be great at!!!
regards
pavi

hi Pavithra,
Thanks for the encouraging message.

Hmm.. so you did notice me, ya? You all gals were so busy chatting and laughing at Latha's jokes (most of which went above my head due to the language). I thought you may not remember me.
I recollect you as a bold babe, attired in lovely traditional attire!
And I realized only later that Sowmi was your sis :)

thanks once again,
best,
hasita

Dear Hasita,
I totally missed this thread, sorry for that. I had gone thro most of what you are going thro.
My mil was a diabetic who would eat things which are not even to be seen by her and always lie down (literally) . She went into coma for 4 months and got bedsore and worms on her sore before she died.
Fil had a heart attack and after that he too wanted to eat only what he should not. In 6 months' time, he was paralysed on the right side. After much effort, he is doing his own things with minimum help and keeping to himself (he cannot do anything now). He is 94 and lives in with my bil.
With both of them, I had a tuff time, hubby supported them. If a person dies, that will be different. But if he becomes more sick, that will be a problem for all concerned in all aspects. He must realise that.
I know it is very difficult to make them understand. But do try telling him of my fil's case, he may feel afraid of getting sick again.
I sincerely pray for you, you are such a dear.

hi hasita,
ofcourse i remember you!!!!!with that pink il top!!!!
and yes both us were there after a wedding hence the traditional outfit!!!!!
takecare
regards
pavi

hi Varloo,
I'm sorry viewing your post only now.
Thanks for the info about your own in-laws. I do recollect you mentioning earlier that your fil is 90+! It does become a real problem if they take things differently or the wrong way. My fil is very intelligent, but also very stubborn. With age, he is also getting more childish. So its problematic for all of us, esp. my mil.

We did call a doctor home last week and he chatted for 2+ hours with him! I guess he felt good about it, but again, he is not following doc's orders completely. We have to keep coaxing him now and then.
Let's see how it goes. We've to do some tests as yet.
take care,
hasita