Newly married - MIL's politics

Lakshmi,
First stop worrying too much. Lets focus on some issues first.

MIL: She is 72 years old, she is really old and needs HELP. Forget about her early life bla bla, who she was , and everything. Always remember, when you marry a guy, you are just NOT marrying him ALONE, the family members also matters. You simply can't ignore the IL. If you have a married brother and your mother was 72, will you expect her to do the house works or will you expect your SIL to help her? Tell me frankly. You are hesitating because basically she is another blood and is also irritating you. This all comes as a package in marriage, you are "just" 25, gold-medalist, district topper...does this stop you from nursing a baby??? You are not gonna nurse your MIL, just hire a care giver and just do some basic help for MIL. I think that should help.

You and your parents had a choice to choose this guy even when they demanded too much dowry, that was a phase where you had a chance to evaluate their greediness. No point in worrying about it now. Dowry non-sense is quite common in our generation, so just IGNORE.

Anyways, one day or other your dad will register the house in your name. Don't put that confusion in your head NOW. When MIL talks about the house topic, just wade off or ignore or tell some dumb excuses like the house is loan .. bla bla. She is just a little greedy, to get one house for her son, not a big deal as long as she doesnt demands to register the house in her son's name. thinkingsmiley

Try your best not to worry or call your parents with all these confusions, they are so many 1000 kms away from us, how will they feel? Since you are newly married, you are feeling home sick. Trust me, they are also have a very tough time and sleepless nights as you are crying. If you have any confusions or problems, and feel the urge to tell them just postpone it for 2-3 days. It will either give the solution itself and when you discuss after few days, impact of that problem will be less. Trust me you have to handle all these issues diplomatically, sometimes they will be correct sometimes you will make a blunder, thats how we learn. All the problems you stated above are common in almost all the girls life.

About the kid: Just wait for things to settle, observe for another 2-3 months. You will have the instinct that things are in place, that time talk to your hubby that you are healthy and it is always safe to have the kids soon. Because if you are planning for 2 kids, then by next year or so, you should have the first one. Anyways, plan this perfectly, cos if you two guys are not even in terms, lets not risk by bringing the kid into this.

FIL/SIL issue - Just IGNORE. For now just focus on your life dear, other things we can deal later as you come across.

Stay happy!

This is the best phase in life, so don't miss it. Don't confuse your parents a lot with your issues, if they start involving, it will take a toll in your life.Trust me.

All the best!

 

DONT plan kids until you sort this mess out.

Your MIL is old and she should be looked after. But primary responsibility for her care is on her children. Ur role is to support her children in looking after her. What kind of moron would expect wife to stay in India earn and support his mum while he works abroad?? Will your husband do the same when ur parents need help?

Dont get pulled into this - dont give into **** that convinces you its your respobsibility. Your responsibiluty towards your inlaws is pretty much what your husband has for your parents.

Forget about the lavish wedding and money spent. Your future and life is much more valuable than that money spent. I would have worded my advice differently if ur husband said " lets go back to India and look after parents". This guy is a big jerk - very selfish. You should seriously think if you want to spend the rest of ur life with him. Whats the point in marriage if you are permanently going to be 1000s of miles apart - you shouldering all his responsibilities and him leading a bindaas carefree life abroad?
What a jerk to even try to pull this one on you

 

Op are you working in usa?If not get a job.Tell your husband to send money back home to higher full time maid for mil.Listen what il and husband are saying but do what you want.Dont take pressure.

 

Your husband is greedy....you have feed to his greed when you met their high demands....if a person is demanding for dowry you should run away from him, instead you married him....
You are gold medalist and district topper, you should have think about all these things when you were fulfilling their dowry demands.....at that time you should have thought about your worthiness....when you are so worthy why you should have a need to buy a groom having master's from USA???
I am seeing many red flags here....your husband doesn't want to spend on you.....want to send you India to take care of his mother and earn....so basically neither he wants to live with you nor he wants to take your responsibility.....I hope he hasn't married you just for his mother and he want to spend life abroad alone/with some other girl.....
Did u do any background check done for the groom and family????If not do it now.... Deny to goto India alone.....tell him that you will live only with your husband in USA or in india wherever he wants....

 

OP,Everybody in this post is selfish to some extent. But your hubby and MIL take the cake.What sort of husband
is he to ask his wife to go and stay in India to take care of his mother and father. If he wanted somebody to
take care of his parents he shdu have hired a maid not married. But he married becoz he wanted a source of income
to settle his loans and serve his parents. You will end up a glorified maid.


Your parents married you to your hubby becoz he has masters from US. Good decision but without thinking thru.Now every 2nd person in India has a masters in US and
lives in US. Show me a house in India where somebody or the other is not abroad.You yourself mentioned you are a gold medalist
and worked abroad . Didnt you do enough background check on your hubby and his family.A father who doesnt eat at home and a mother
who lives primarily with her mother to avoid housework. That shud have been a big red flag of a disgruntled family.
Your hubby namesake married you for his selfish motives. He saw a golden egg in you. This marriage is a disaster to begin with becoz you
and your parents went on fulfilling their demands. That was a test to see how much they can make you bend.They saw that
you will heed hence all these demands.They want to hold all their responsibilities on your head and be happy.


Not to mention your parents are selfish too. Simply going back wont suffice. Instead find a job here asap and be independent. Separate from your hubby once you find a job. Tell him until
he realizes his responsibility of having a wife you wont come back. Otherwise you will end up being an ATM to mother and son
.Good Luck.

 

Op,just because they are saying doesn't mean you have to listen to them.

Tell your husband you will stay with him or go and stay with your parents like his mother did.
In fact you let him know that he is lucky that unlike his mother who doesn't even cook for his father,you cook and feed him.

Also let him know that you are not going to be his ATM and loan paying service.Tell him,buy a property with me and I will help you pay back that loan.....otherwise it looks like you married me only for paying back your loan.

As for mil,as jas wrote ,that greedy woman is the responsibility of her children/son.Besides,the big fat dowry sh took to marry her helpless son should keep her warm.Tell her to use that to get herself some caregiver.

Please do not ask your father to write anything(house) in your name ever.Whatever he has thought about giving you,he can write in his will.Remember,these are greedy ,dowry seeking ,selfish people and such people can go to any length to get their hand on money and property because what is in your name will belong to your husband if something untoward happens to you.

I would even say,collect evidence of dowry demand or demand to get house on your name.

The only way to deal with such people is to let them know that you are not going to take this nonsense.Stay with your husband.Work for yourself because you have given them enough dowry for a lifetime of living the way you want,you don't have to do anything else financally.

Please do not have a child in a hurry.Not till you get these people on the right track.

Keep your parents updated.This is an arranged marriage,done through relatives.If things are bad,then these people will be the one who will ask your husband's family some tough questions. This is what the security of an arranged marriage is.

 

EXCUSE ME?? HELLO! WTF?

ONLY ONE LINE ADVICE FOR U. LEAVE THAT GUY AND RUN. The faster u run, the better ur life will be.
Trust me, if you close ur eyes and marry a ramdom person, chances are very high that he will treat u better than this guy. RUN !!!

 

1. Dowry demands greedy sh!t
2. He doesnt want kids (i can clearly see why)
3. He stays at home with his mom and you earn and feed them for the rest of his life

Are you mad OP? ARE YOU DEPRESSED? If you still didnt RUN, you need medical help. See a therapist asap. Op, you should be running faster than PT Usha by now.

Big hugs to you. Please msg me if u need any help. You CAN make ur life beautiful. You deserve much much more than this. Big hugs to you.