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Restoring some normalcy

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mimita, Feb 11, 2016.

  1. mimita

    mimita Senior IL'ite

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    Hello,
    After several problems with my MIL, I barely speak to her now, and only talk when necessary. I go to work, and have a nanny to take care of my 3 year old, after she comes back from school. My MIl is there to supervise.
    The issue is, my MIl earlier would expect to spend all her time with us and the baby.
    She has no hobbies, is not much interested in tv or reading or anything.
    Situation became very difficult with her acting as if she was incharge of the baby even when I was around and after lots of problems, my husband conveyed to her that ,after I get back from work, I would take care of my DD.

    However, MIL sulks big time and basically, whenever I am with my DD, I can feel her sulking and jealous of me. ( She gets to spend all day with my kid, when I am at work). I find it hard to play and enjoy my daughter's childhood given that someone is always there, feeling jealous all the time. She dosent want to be left out of any big or small decisions in my daughter's life. Since I made sure I wanted to take those decisions myself, it is the sulking and victimhood card that she is playing.

    Needless to say, my husband sympathises with her, and though he dosent say it, he feels I am causing his mother unhappiness (rather than giving her the freedom and be unhappy myself, which would have suited him just fine).
    I feel extremely stressed by the situation , which is going on for the last 2 years. I tried to tell my husband to get a duplex house, with one kitchen where , atleast upstaris I can be how I want to be, but he dosent want to make his mother feel isolated.
    Feeling very stressed chronically, with this situation :(
     
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  2. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Your MIL is taking care of your kid in your absence and hence she feels that she needs to be involved in the decisions related to kid.
    Also, does she feel that you are not taking care of kid properly? sometimes that causes resistance and may seem as if she is jealous.
    If your kid is not yet in school, wait until then..things will settle down. With the kids being hyperactive these days, elders get tired and will eventually want to take some rest.
    If your kid is well cared by your MIL, trust me, you are one lucky soul..
     
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  3. mimita

    mimita Senior IL'ite

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    I have a nanny to take care of the kid. And if hte nanny takes even half a day leave, either me or my husband stay back. Basically, my mil cant do much other than entertain the kid with the ipad or read stories to her. I started going to work, despite havign a work from home option, just because she became intolerable.
    Its not that she feels I dont take care properly..she is just the kind that wants to boss around and be involved without boundaries.
     
  4. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Learn to ignore her sulking and jealousy...I know it's difficult, but with some time you can develop thick skin....also after sometimes your mil will accept you taking all the decisions for your dd...
     
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  5. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    Your daughter is 3 yrs old ,in next 1 or 2 yrs she will go to school, and the time that your MIL spends with her will be limited once she gets busy with studies, friends and extra curricular activities..patience is the best option here..
     
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