In law issue of my NRI friend..

My friend got married and is settled abroad, in US with her husband about 2 years ago..

Her in laws live in India and parents also in India in a different city..They make a visit to India every year for 1 month or 15 days depending on their convenience, and my friend spends some days at in laws place, some days at parents place..

Issue is that earlier the in laws and friend's husband who is the only son, were staying in a duplex house, but then the friend's husband after completing studies in US has settled in US from many years and has no plans of returning to India as he has better scope for his line of work there..Friend's inlaws who were earlier staying in duplex house, found that after their son left , due to age and all they could not maintain duplex home and felt it was too big for just 2 people. They did some renovation and have sold the home..then have purchased a 2 BHK flat in same locality..1 bedroom is used by them, another bedroom has been used to arrange all extra stuff which was lying in duplex house, it has 2 wardrobes full of friend's MIL's sarees, silver vessels, bookshelf, and 1 study table with desktop. Hall room has a sofa and dining table..the construction is pretty compact and suits 1 couple to live comfortabley. Issue happens when my friend and her husband visit India and stays at her in laws place, as there is only 1 bedroom either she and her husband have to put bedsheet on hall room carpet and sleep or she and MIL have to sleep in 1 bedroom while her husband and her FIL sleep in other bedroom..

My friend and her husband visited last year and she had a not so good experience..My friend, having stayed in US has a strong concept of privacy, and does not like this arrangement..as they do not have separate bedroom , bathroom etc she is finding it difficult to have sufficient rest there, especially if she lands at in laws place first and suffers from jet lag..and she is unable to make any personal phone calls to anyone from her in laws place as there is no separate room where she can lock herself in to talk..if she goes anywhere her conversation will be heard by her in laws..Her husband didnt face this issue as he was out most of the time on some official work.

Also she has to arrange all luggage brought from US in the common room where all stuff is kept..sometimes her in laws open her luggage and see what stuff she has got..because apart from her things she also gets many gift items from US for her parents, in laws, close friends, etc.

After gifts for in laws are given to them, they always want to now what items she has got for her family members, and her MIL gets very jealous if my friend has got any good stuff for her family or friends..she shows the jealousy in a very childish way, indirectly she also questions why she got so many stuff for her family?..Sometimes my friend has to lie that its for herself or that her friend paid her to get that item, etc..If she shops for some stuff from that city for stuff for herself and her family, they always want to see her purchases and want detailed account as to what is her stuff, what is for her family etc..even if she does get identical things for inlaws and parents some ego clash happens. Mostly the situation is such that she has to land at her in laws place first, stay some days and then go to her parents place..

To make matters worse, the in laws have not kept any maid for house work, they have a part time cleaner who comes once a week to do full cleaning. Obviously if 4 people stay, there will be so many vessels , so much vegetables to cut, and so much laundry to be done, like drying the machine washed clothes, folding etc.
So in addition to jet lag and tiredness my friend has to make herself busy with these tasks also and cannot enjoy her so called vacation. Last time she fell sick as she had to work, along with the strain of adjusting to climate change from US to India ..Since my friend is new to that area she cannot arrange maid or any help on her own without opposition from her inlaws.

They will be visiting again next month, and my friend is looking for suggestions from me:
1. What is a direct, polite approach for her to ask her in laws to provide them with a separate bedroom with attached bathroom during their visit? It requires little rearrangement thats all, along with a purchase of a foldable bed. The in laws just do not understand the need for privacy and behave like this arrangement is perfectly normal.
2. Friend had earlier requested her MIL to arrange a maid during her stay atleast..her MIL told "oh that's not required, v'll manage ourselves".
Is there a better way for my friend to convince her?

They will be starting a family very soon and will have to visit again after a while,after having a baby..she dreads how she will manage their stay that time..

My friend is highly frustrated and really dislikes visiting and staying with her in laws as she feels uncomfortable..how does she deal with this?Her husband is not ready to help with this.

Would like to get your valuable suggestions for conveying to my friend.

 

. Sometimes when close friends chat on phone or online and discuss personal issues we do end up revealing many personal and intimate details...it's obvious that we get to know such things...NRI or otherwise, opening someone's suitcase and seeing the contents is a little too much according to me..who knows what embarrassing personal stuff u may find in those suitcases? As they are a young married couple you can imagine what stuff they maybe having in their suitcases!

 

if the MIL can handle it she should handle it and not expect the DIL to do all the house work like a maid..my friend told me that she had to do full cutting veggies , cooking , laundry and washed most of the vessels for all 4 people during her stay of 7 days or so..her MIL had lot of visitors who came home to see the son and DIL so she was busy talking and chatting with them while the DIL did the work.. That too with jet lag..her MIL only prepared simple tiffin for 2 days...her MIL was not unwell or anything, she was ok..her husband tried to help it seems but he was out most of the time on office work. they wanted to eat out or order from outside once or twice but in laws insisted on having at home only..anyway I do not know the reason for this arrangement and why her MIL does this even when her son and DIL come on vacation.

 

@harini73
That would be possible if all are in same city, but they are in different cities..and both cities far away. Yeah true I also feel she has to approach her husband only with these issues and together they can rearrange that room and get some kind of foldable cot which can also be used by them if they have some other visitors later on.