i need a suggestion

siri268 · Nov 30, 2015

hello friends,
i got married in march 2009.my husband is very sweet person,loving,caring,understanding in every situation till date.
we live together (not with inlaws).
we don't have kids ,th's the reason my mother in law always stresses me on this point. we once consulted doctor ,my husband have low sperm count but he is not interested in using medicines and consulting doctor again or taking tests .
i said the same to my MIL. but she asks me to do poojas ,i said that i am interested and that does not result in any output.

i rarely speak to her on phone,she always advices me to do poojas ,if i don't call her she talks very badly that i dont have any responsibility towards them ,if i call her she hurts me soo much.she just treat me like a servant for her family ....

my parents house and In-lwas house are in same city .i cant avoid meeting them or speaking with them. but they don't understand my feelings.

i get hurt and i cry sometimes ,my husband understands all this things ,but nothing is happening at the end ,days r passing ....stresss..

i asked to speak reg that with my husband but she keeps silent .
she wants to do shopping buy sarees for her when we visit their place .
once we return back to our place she talks as how she want in phone .

i stopped attending functions...i can't control her mouth ..she talks all nonsense ..starts saying all nasty things about me before everyone ...that she is very unhappy without grand children ....

how to solve this problem.

i feel "making love and being together--for each other , and undertsnaind is the real meaning of happy married life."

my parents and husband understands me .

suggest me how to solve this communication issue.

rossie · Nov 30, 2015

Your MIL is ignorant. Just ignore her.

Focus on the main problem. Why is your husband is not willing to take medication ?
Can you take him for a counselling ?

dimhere · Nov 30, 2015

Your MIL is acting like a kid denied a toy. Don't fall for her words. And don't let it stress you, as it will affect your chances of getting pregnant. Tell her ONCE. Practise your words, and say the same without shouting or tears. Tell her that as husband and wife, you are faced with a problem, and will need time and effort to work it out. Till then, you can do all the prayers she wants. Or better still, ask HER to fast and do all the poojas to become a grandmother.

Once you have said your piece, keep quiet, and don't get drawn into further discussions on the same topic. You should save your energy for other things, right?

The main thing you should do is talk to your husband.

Is he okay with just taking his chances for becoming a dad? If he is refusing medication, and God forbid, things don't work out, is he okay not becoming a parent? Are YOU okay with that?

siri268 · Dec 1, 2015

my husband says he is not interested in roaming behind doctors .i said we will try to find some solutions and work on it.from past 3 years i am trying .but nothing happened.
i don't know to convince him..even his parents never asks him to go to doctor and find a solution for this problem.they just keep silent reg this topic when we visit their home and talk about all unnecessary topics .

how can i solve this problem yaar.
i always try to keep myself busy ,reading books, work at home,yoga, go for walk ...but this is also a important thing ...after another 5-6 years ,it's of no use repenting that we wasted lot of chances and time.

i don't want to break up my marriage for this cause .

Jas8085 · Dec 1, 2015

Tell Mil that you will start doing poojas once your husband starts treatment seriously. God helps those who help themselves.

I think you should have a heart to heart chat with your husband. Tell him his prob is not a big deal and it can be easily sorted. Make him confident and make sure you tell him he is gr8 in bed. Assure him that his treatment etc will be totally confidential and it will be between you both only.

Telling his folks may have affected his confidence.I hope your inlaws have the sense to not moan about it to relatives etc. May be to cover it up a bit, you both can say u went to a different doctor and the tests are all normal for both of you. Do this ONLY if your husband is on your side and he is willing to take treatment. This could reduce stress for him and help him with his confidence.

Remember - NEVER discuss fertility problems with inlaws. it will lead to unnecessary stress, gossip among relatives. Some relatives are even shameless - they will ask u about it!!

aamrapali · Dec 1, 2015

1) Either try to avoid her to the maximum extent possible and talk to your husband that you want to avoid communication with her as it is hurting you. You will limit to formalities and basic manners but that is it.

2) Tell her nicely that we have already spoken about this and going on and on and on about the same problem is not really solving anything. So to let it go.

JGVR · Dec 1, 2015

there are lot of threads in this website about increasing the sperm count through natural food.try those.check if your husband is willing to take treatment through ayurveda or other natural medicine in which case you need not be behind doctor and doing tests all the time.focus on your life and turn a deaf ear to your mil.

rossie · Dec 1, 2015

siri268 said: ↑

my husband says he is not interested in roaming behind doctors .i said we will try to find some solutions and work on it.from past 3 years i am trying .but nothing happened.
i don't know to convince him..even his parents never asks him to go to doctor and find a solution for this problem.they just keep silent reg this topic when we visit their home and talk about all unnecessary topics .

how can i solve this problem yaar.
i always try to keep myself busy ,reading books, work at home,yoga, go for walk ...but this is also a important thing ...after another 5-6 years ,it's of no use repenting that we wasted lot of chances and time.

i don't want to break up my marriage for this cause .
Click to expand...

He doesn't need to do any rounds with the doctors how irresponsible ..!!
Tell him to visit the doctor as he does for any other ailment like fever or cough.

So he thinks his sperm count will automatically increase or like your MIL suggested do poojas and like kunti devi you will get a boon.. and produce babies. Too much.

MalStrom · Dec 1, 2015

Why is your husband reluctant to seek medical help for something that can possibly be fixed? If you waste your prime child-bearing years and then go to the doctor it is not going to help anyone. Does he not want children? And if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the one with issues, would they not ask you to seek help?
Ideally you would keep parents/ILs etc out of your family planning decisions.
In the meantime if your MIL starts her nonsense just hand the phone to your husband and let him deal with it. Do not engage with her at all.

sindmani · Dec 1, 2015

Dear op. Kindly get medication for us husband. It is not a big problem . medical field has grown tremendously. Be positive and talk to ur dh and boost his confidence. Things will fall in line